To think MN is horrible about blended families?

[kungfullama]

I've seen so many posts recently that just leads to think MN sees blended families as second class somehow.

Threads where ex wives are behaving horribly and withholding contact but are being defended because 'they were left' so somehow have the right to pass their bitterness onto their kids.

Posters screaming LTB at the slightest bit of conflict between dc and stepparents as if conflict doesn't ever occur in traditional families too.

Insinuating that new partners are just flash in the pan 'boyfriends' even when the relationship is long term or they're married.

Blended families can be complicated and the dynamics might be slightly different. But I know for a fact my dc lives are so much better with their bio parents apart and made considerably richer with the involvement of their two loving stepparents. I don't see us as being lesser than a traditional family. Not sure why others do.

And do we step into the whole. Pervy step dads/step brothers. With uncomfortable teenage girls going though puberty.

It’s not all men but it’s a lot.

Especially the ones who pass comment that don’t you just look so much like a younger version of your mum… while a look lingers…

Don't start that topic. A blended family inheritance wise always distributes the money unequally , also always leaving the bio kids out when should be the opposite.

I think the number of children is key to be honest. Not saying there's never problems, but I think they're less likely if one of the partners has none or perhaps each parent has one each. There's just fewer people's needs to take into account than if each parent has 2-3 kids of their own. Even worse if they then have more kids on top!

Yes a shared child tends to either be ignored by a Disney dad or they become the golden messiah who can do no wrong and has united the whole amazing family.

People don’t seem to be able to be in relationships that involve children without adding at least one new one.

Love this. 🫶

❤️❤️❤️

YAnBU OP

Neither do I

Of course the fact that far fewer people are choosing to get married is the reason for a falling divorce rate. Statistically unmarried relationships are more likely to fail.

I recognise the name - she's a stepmother. I assume she can see her husband's daughter is unhappy because she's really defensive about how great their family arrangements are and I don't think it's strangers on Mumsnet she's trying to convince.

The number of blended families that truly work well for everyone is infinitesimally small ime, and it’s very nearly always the DC who lose out.

unpopular opinion but I think trying to blend families as if everyone will be better off is generally pretty selfish and/or inexcusably naive on the part of the adults involved.

We've just had this. Shared equally between bio and step. Underneath I'm seething, on the surface I'm 'ok' with it.

How dare my steps even put me in this situation? Selfish, selfish, selfish

Because they'd have to admit that they've put their own desires ahead of what's best for their children, perhaps?

That's crap. Some people end up getting nothing because it goes to step mom 1 side and step dad the other (not saying your situation isn't bad, just saying another example)

That still doesn't mean the child/ren like the new adult

Or each other!

I assume you are joking or being ironic, gonnabetrouble.

Receiving equally sounds good to me. At least they won't fall out or be resentful of each other.

Exactly. Our kids (one mine, three his) will inherit equally. Mine will get half his dad and stepmum’s estate too, the other three will inherit fuck all from their mum.

You sound very sensible indeed where young children are concerned. There is no need to live together, two people can have a good relationship with separate properties.

I've done both, family with just theirs, had my own (didn't work) started again had another with kids from either side. Didn't work.
Not willing to do either again in all honesty!
Both have brought unnecessary stress to my life, I have mine now and have a lovely new partner ( no kids himself)
Will never expect him to jump in, look after them or anything.
I realise the above makes me sound scatty. I'm not, I'm the happiest I've ever been, the kids love my new partner (didn't meet for nearly a year) happy with the occasional sleep over and days out.
I'm also a big fan of now my own space and self care before any relationship which I think helps

This is it. The constant prospect of adjustment.

in a biological family, the child has a good chance of being the centre of consideration and there will be consistency.

In a blended family, it is the child, the individual who has the least resilience to stress, the least understanding, and the least capacity to navigate a very complex social situation who constantly asked to adjust by a parent who gets total consistency. Who bears the stress? The child. The parent who makes the arrangement gets the benefits. It is most often driven by parental need.

It's genuinely heartening to see the tide turning and more and more people refusing to inflict blended families on their children.

The reason some of you are seeing it on MN and not in your life is people you know are unlikely to tell you to your face that you're being selfish. On anonymous forums people can be honest.

On anonymous forums people can be honest biased

I assume you are joking or being ironic, gonnabetrouble.

Receiving equally sounds good to me. At least they won't fall out or be resentful of each other.

No. It won't be shared equally when it comes from the other side.

So yes, resentment aplenty.

Exactly. Our kids (one mine, three his) will inherit equally. Mine will get half his dad and stepmum’s estate too, the other three will inherit fuck all from their mum.

I should clarify. Inheritance from MY SIDE is being shared equally.

Keep telling yourself that! Makes life easier for you!