Didn't let her sons bring their bikes. WIBU?

[BrainLife]

My son (5) has a friend at school (also 5). DS friend's mum is commuting to work for a week as a one off for some yearly mandatory team building. I offered to walk her kids to school with my son for a week because they live on the same road. First two days were no problem.

My son has SEN and goes on his push bike to school. This prevents meltdowns from walking and he's brilliant, stays next to me and generally just loves being on his bike. DS friend and his brother (8) would then walk alongside us. On Wednesday, they were stood outside their house with their bikes. I said I might struggle with 3 on bikes but gave it a go.

It was awful, I should've stood my ground and said no, but lesson learned. They zoomed off, were going up and down the path, nearly riding into people. Their mum told me they were really well behaved on their bikes (they're great to walk with so I assumed fine!) but they were a nightmare. Werent listening, going to far so i couldnt see them properly. Eventually I made them get off and walk their bikes alongside me which they agreed to after a stern conversation.

yesterday they were stood outside with bikes again, I said no to them bringing their bikes, sorry, it was too stressful and not safe. I had already given her a heads up the day before and she didnt reply. This morning I went to pick them up and she, in front of her boys, told me she though I was being unfair and excluding them because I was letting my son take his bike but not hers. It was very awkward and I had to just say 'OK, we can have a proper chat later but I have to go or I'll be late for work'. She was also walking out the door to get her train.

Felt like I was doing her a huge favour and she's responded by giving me a telling off.

So my question - would it have bothered you if I had done this?

It would more than have bothered me. ‘Look, I offered to help, and I get why they turned up with bikes the first day but it was chaotic and difficult. I do not get what made you think it was ok to say if my son does yours should, when you know why my son does. I doubt you want SEN for your boys or any of the other stuff we have had to manage and the least you can do is teach them to understand other people may need extra support.’

"I am not able to safeguard your children while they are on their bikes. Therefore, it's better if they manage the rest of the week with a different person accompanying them. This will hopefully prevent injuries."

Why on earth would you tolerate this?.
She is a complete CF.
Text her that it no longer suits you.
Don't reply to anything further from her.

She’s being totally ridiculous. You’re doing her a big favour by walking her kids to school for a week. You’re the adult in charge, you set the safety boundaries. If she has a problem with it, your help is no longer available.

My kid scoots to school. On the odd occasion I ask another parent to walk him, I don’t let him take the scooter because I know that’s a harder scenario to manage than him walking.

I've done my week of dropping them off thankfully! I won't be doing it again.

I think you were totally reasonable. Young kids on bikes are a worry and if they can't /won't behave then it has to be a no. For that journey you are responsible for them and you have to be sure you can control them.

Stand your ground. They were poorly behaved. A walk to school is not playtime. They walk, not ride.

Sadly as they say - no good deed goes unpunished. At least you know you tried to be a good neighbour and to steer away from this family for the future.

Gosh, YANBU at all!

Tell her if she wants you to continue to do her a favour - no bikes. If she's not happy about that fine, she'll have to find alternative arrangements.

And do you know what, I'm actually pretty pissed off on your behalf!
The only reasonable response from her would be to back you entirely, and bollock her kids for being a nightmare on their bikes!

I won't be continuing she's made it too awkward now. I've had to depend on other people before as a single mum but am always grateful. I've had to talk to my son many times about how mummy has her rules and your friends parents have different ones etc. Just feeling a bit wound up this morning pist school run!

Your post gave me anxiety just reading it! Not a chance you were unreasonable. You explained why and she should have accepted that.

She was being a totally manipulative batch and I'd have walked off after saying I'd made it clear it was no bikes yesterday and I'm unhappy she's tried forcing my hand by using her kids as leverage so she can sort the school run herself.

I can only guess she might have dealt with a huge meltdown from one or both of her kids because your son is allowed his bike and they're not, to a child it would seem very unfair and I can see her point.

@BrainLife

God no. You're doing her a massive favour & if them all on bikes is too much for you then the kids will just have to walk🤷🏻‍♀️

I would have spoken to you to see what they were doing that was so bad, to see if they were misbehaving or if we just have different expectations. Because I don't think it's fair to tell them off for behaviour I'd be fine with.

if they were misbehaving as per my rules they'd be 'in trouble' with consequences (mainly they'd be walking, despite your DS riding! & told to stop whinging!!)

if they were just doing stuff I was fine with, I'd explain it was too much for you when you have 3 children to look after) and tell them we'd take the bikes somewhere at the weekend & to walk nicely for you!!

She was VERY VERY rude to ignore your text & say what she did, especially in front of the kids. I would have been very tempted to say 'bits of course you can bring your bikes, mummy is here to keep an eye on you'.

then she can choose to indulge them & be late, or not 🤷🏻‍♀️

I don't agree with this at all. It's called parenting. 'Sorry boys, you will have to walk because unfortunately you didn't listen to your friend's mum and weren't safe.' If her kids had a meltdown it was because of their own actions, not mine. Any decent mother should put their safety and well-being before their wants, and explain and teach them about why this is, no?

I'd have had them all walking, I can see where the feeling of it being unfair is coming from. But she sounds very ungrateful indeed, you've been very kind taking them to school for her.

This is why her kids are little shits. No consequences. Misbehave on your bike - no bike tomorrow. Not exactly rocket science is it?

Before we left I got down to eye level with them and told them I have a few rules. They all have to stay close to me, no going where I can't see them, and no messing about'. I do this with my own son too. It was in a very friendly way, I wasn't grilling them. They cycled off round corners, nearly hit pedestrians, one tried to cross a road without looking (quiet road but doesn't matter), and the older one was riding into the younger one's back wheel to try and make them wobble then laughing. I don't think any parent would think this is ok. It was so stressful.

Don't be surprised if she asks for something again.
Be ready with your response of Nope!

I don't see why my son should have to go without his bike because his friends were messing about. He cycles at the same speed as I walk.

YANBU at all. Something about the walk to school can send some DC feral. My DD's a nightmare with her best friend but an angel alone or with other DC - the other mum and I have an unspoken agreement to avoid each other as much as possible on the walk to and from school as it's just unsafe to have them together.

This is the way to go.
It blows my mind how people in receipt of a kind favour can be so stroppy - what can they be thinking of?

My DS is a pain if he has to walk. He's being assessed for adhd and autism. Sometimes he will just sit on the floor and not move. It's a real issue that I'm getting support with. School trips I have to drive him and pick him up. His bike is a godsend and goes everywhere with us for now.

She was a CF for expecting you to take the kids on the bikes full stop. All this rubbish about they might have a meltdown if they see another child on a bike and it’s sooo unfair. So what? She should have actually parented and told her kids no.

It's not unfair on her kids, if they had been behaving (as your DS was) they would have been allowed their bikes!