Didn't let her sons bring their bikes. WIBU?

[BrainLife]

My son (5) has a friend at school (also 5). DS friend's mum is commuting to work for a week as a one off for some yearly mandatory team building. I offered to walk her kids to school with my son for a week because they live on the same road. First two days were no problem.

My son has SEN and goes on his push bike to school. This prevents meltdowns from walking and he's brilliant, stays next to me and generally just loves being on his bike. DS friend and his brother (8) would then walk alongside us. On Wednesday, they were stood outside their house with their bikes. I said I might struggle with 3 on bikes but gave it a go.

It was awful, I should've stood my ground and said no, but lesson learned. They zoomed off, were going up and down the path, nearly riding into people. Their mum told me they were really well behaved on their bikes (they're great to walk with so I assumed fine!) but they were a nightmare. Werent listening, going to far so i couldnt see them properly. Eventually I made them get off and walk their bikes alongside me which they agreed to after a stern conversation.

yesterday they were stood outside with bikes again, I said no to them bringing their bikes, sorry, it was too stressful and not safe. I had already given her a heads up the day before and she didnt reply. This morning I went to pick them up and she, in front of her boys, told me she though I was being unfair and excluding them because I was letting my son take his bike but not hers. It was very awkward and I had to just say 'OK, we can have a proper chat later but I have to go or I'll be late for work'. She was also walking out the door to get her train.

Felt like I was doing her a huge favour and she's responded by giving me a telling off.

So my question - would it have bothered you if I had done this?

Is the other mum aware of your son's needs? Unless you prefer to keep them confidential, I'd send her a message along those lines. "Hi Jane, just wanted to clear the air after this morning away from the boys. DS needs his bike because of his additional needs, I'd love if he'd walk but as you know it just won't happen for him atm. If the boys had cycled safely I would have happily brought them on their bikes but I think the excitement was just a bit too much for them yesterday! And it just wasn't safe with just the one adult. I bet you're glad your long week is over, hope it's a quiet weekend ahead to recover! See you next week :)"

You are entirely reasonable. She is rude and unreasonable. No way you can supervise three on a bike. They need to fit in with your arrangements.

She's well aware

She should be able to put 2 and 2 together then. Don't be rushing to do her any more favours.

I think my response would have been, “Right, ok, well you can take them, then.”

Tell her even if she's OK with her kids being in danger on their bikes you are not. It is a safety issue, not you being unfair to her kids. Also if you are doing a favour they fit in with you.

This is so weird but it just shows how unfathomable people can be. There was a thread the other day where a lady looked after a friend's child, treated them as her own, and the child's parent didn't like that either! You can't win because you just can't predict other people's responses. I think you did well to last the week!

yanbu and you know it

life is not fair as every adult knows.

i would not even give her another chance just let her make other arrangements or take them on bikes herself

Gosh OP YANBU at all! What a total CF. If something happened to her children she’d blame you to no end! You did the right thing 100%

Exactly. She's so scared of upsetting her kids that their behaviour means they can't do certain things as they don't behave well enough to be safe. If they'd been parented properly in the first place it would not have been as issue as they would have done as they were told.

Jesus Christ. If my child can't behave on her bike, then it's a no. No bike until you can behave. I mean, that goes for any toy really, but with bikes it's especially vital to stick with it, because of the danger element.

Anyway, even if my child was perfectly behaved on her bike, but the person looking after her didn't feel confident with her on a bike, then it would have to be "sorry, no bike today, darling", because safety is so important, and what the adult says goes.

As for whether it's fair, well perhaps seeing that the well-behaved child was allowed to carry on going by bike might make them buck their ideas up next time, won't it.

Of course you werent unreasonable, doesnt even need to be asked.

The lack of self awareness from people like your friend is why half the country is such a shit show.

It would have been much worse if you’d continued letting them bring the bikes to keep everyone happy, then her children had got hurt or worse while in your care. You did what you needed to do to keep everyone safe.

I was reminded about that thread too - I can't imagine being in the headspace of moaning at people after they've done you a favour!

Your friend sounds really selfish, I wouldn't help her in future.

If her DC can't behave, you are entirely within your rights to not take them at all!
CF woman.

Did you then have to bring all three bikes home with you?! Or were they able to stay at school. Either way you weren’t taking three children on a bike ride, you were taking them to school. If I had someone doing me the favour of walking my children to school with theirs, no way would I let them go on their bikes and make it any more stressful for you!
YANBU!

I can't see her point at all.
She should have just told her children that OP is the one taking them to school and they must abide by her rules. Struggling with three children on bikes is very difficult and can be dangerous. OPs child had a good reason for going to school on his bike they don't.
OP was doing her a massive favour and she should have made it as easy as possible for her.

I would have stood my ground and told her that I'm sorry but for their safety, you can no longer bring her boys to school, done an about turn and walked away with your kid(s) to carry on going to school.

She wanted an easy life so that she could leave and get her train to go to work, she didn't give two hoots about how difficult it might be for you to bring her kids to school.

Time to make it a HER issue to resolve and if she carries on like this I'd just say that it's not going to work out and you're not willing to bring her kids to school any more.

I agree with you it's not safe to try and supervise three young children on bikes on a busy pavement next to roads, especially if two of them are not listening properly! It's an accident waiting to happen if one of them crosses a road or driveway without looking or wobbles into the road. I'm surprised your friend thought it would be safe.

I would have said it's probably fairer to get your son to walk as well for that one week. Just as I wouldn't generally give my kid an ice cream when others weren't having one, etc. But if he needs the bike due to SEN, fair enough.

She's daft to jeopardise the useful favour you are doing her!

Later today, let her have her say.
Listen and then say, fine, I understand how you feel but I made it clear it wasn't safe with them all on their bikes.
Let's agree to disagree, but I won't be able to help again with the kids.

I agree, a teaching moment to say to them they behaved unsafe and that due to this they can’t take the bikes.

Im sure she would’ve been more upset had she had a phone call to say one had been seriously hurt.

You did a lovely kind thing for your friend, and she didn't appreciate it at all. You did absolutely nothing wrong. Your child is well behaved and safe on his bike, the other children were not. It wasn't fair going against you like that, and telling you off! Especially when you're doing the favour! Unreal! Esson learnt, don't ever offer to help her again.

YANBU but I think it was always going to be tough for three kids to cycle at walking pace together. Cycling that slowly (esp for the older one on a bigger bike) isn't that easy especially if you are bunched together and trying to avoid other pedestrians. If you do any school runs in future I would be clear that no wheels are allowed.

If she asks again you can say "on yer bike"