To stay in Aus or be back to the uk

[Lottemarine]

Hi,
We are a family of four (two young children-2 and 4 years old) who live in Australia. My husband and I are Brits, have lived here 13 years and our children were born here.

All our family are in England. Since having the children and having older parents in 70s/80s I feel drawn to move back so the children can grow up with their grandparents as my husband and once did.

The issue is we have a very good quality of live here, the medical system is good, we have good jobs that are well paid to the point we’ve nearly paid off our mortgage, but I miss Britain-family/friends, the culture, Europe and have done for years etc. We would never get the same pay over there, but would that matter…Everything I hear/read about England is a bit of doom and gloom, the politics the healthcare system is a concern especially with young children etc.

So what to do? The reality is we can’t go back every year, flights are expensive and there just isn’t enough annual leave, we might go back every couple or three years.

In the meantime, I have real guilt about not seeing my parents, I am an only child. My husband is indifferent, likes the lifestyle over here but would move if we decided too.

If we did move, it would be to the Lake District and in the next year or two, so the children could settle into school without it being too traumatic. Anyone gone through similar?

I’ve had friends move back from Aus and Nz.

Yes you will always hear doom and gloom but tbh if I go on Aussie news sites it’s just the same.

You definitely won’t get the weather in the Lakes though :) however the house prices there are pretty good! So you may do well especially if you have a house to sell and can buy outright.

Do you have Aussie citizenship yet? If not, get that sorted before you think about moving back to UK. That way, it gives you and your children extra options for the future.

Good healthcare alone would swing my decision. After my mum spent the last 24 hours in A & E with very severe bleeding, this is following weeks of bleeding and waiting on a referral which has so far taken 14 weeks, and has been sent home without a scan or hysteroscopy because it's not her turn yet, I'd stay in Australia.

Not to be doom and gloom, but what if your parents sadly pass away in next couple of years and then you have committed to living in UK. I speak from having been in this position. Be honest with your parents too, I'm sure they would want you to do what's best for your family not them.

I think I'd move because the things you cite as draws - family, culture - are things you just can't replace.

The pull factors in Australia - healthcare, wealth, jobs - I'm not dismissing their importance, but they're not the things that make life worth living.

In terms of UK Vs Australia more generally there are pros and cons to both countries so it comes down to what matters to you.

You will regret it forever if you move back to the UK! The England you knew and loved is gone.

Just accept that summer holidays will be spent flying over here to be with your elderly parents while they’re still alive.

But don’t throw away the life you’ve built over there. You’ve managed to escape, well done!

It's such a tough one. I know the pain of it. No-one can really tell you. But as a poster said above, much sure you're Australian citizens if you're not already so you have the freedom to choose.

If you move back to the Uk and live in the Lake District will you be near friends and family? Once your children are in school you will invariably find that weekends are busy so you may not have time to do much travelling and visiting, particularly if you think you’ll be nipping off to Europe regularly. (It’s not cheap!)
The health care and education systems really are in a bad way here and I don’t think you can appreciate it from where you are now.
Similarly with the weather. You are probably fantasising about those beautiful crisp autumn and winter days with rosy cheeked, laughing children running through the countryside. The reality is a week of grey, dark, cold rainy days where you are trying to entertain miserable, whining children indoors again.

Wouldn't move to oz if you made me a millionaire. Not sure that helps 😆 but I can't imagine moving to he other side of the world from everyone I love and value and appreciate. I posted yesterday about this actually, I genuinely judge people that do (I see them as quite shallow and vapid) who leave behind loving relationships "for a better quality of life." No amount of sun and beach compensates for continually absent family and friends imo.

OP, people complain about healthcare in the UK but are not willing to pay a bit for private cover. Having private health insurance is not that expensive, but British people expect top cover for free. In Australia most people pay a bit for insurance so comparing the partly private / insured system in Australia is not a Direct comparison to the NHS. Many good jobs over here provide free or subsidised insurance. I would look into this in more detail before ruling out the UK based on the problems with the NHS.

DH and I were living OS when we had our first DC and we moved back when he was two. I have no regrets. As for all the doom and gloom in the media, take it with a pinch of salt. Yes, things have definitely been better in the UK than they are right now and a lot of public services aren't in great shape after many years of cost-cutting and an aging population, but unless you're coming back to live a life of poverty you shouldn't be that affected. The cost of living has gone up everywhere, inc. Australia.

As for the NHS - it isn't in great shape, but your family are unlikely to need it for very much for quite a while and generally I find it still functions okay. I'm just outside London with DH and kids and we find the NHS is fine for most things and for other stuff (e.g. physio, dermatology) we go private and that's pretty much what most people who can afford to, do.

I'd make a list of pros and cons, but understand that you can't really put a price on living near loved ones. If you're going to move, now or in the next few years, while your kids are primary age, is the time to do it. My DPs are now older and I'm glad we're nearby. There are small crises now and tbh I'd hate to be on the far side of the world.

Explore other options. Would your employers consider giving you a sabbatical - you could come back for 3 months and see what it’s really like being here for an extended period.

Would your life be an impossible and exhausting schlep of full time work plus kids plus ailing demanding-of-time-and-energy parents. In the rain and cold. Not anyone’s fault, but please think carefully. Dont make the decision out of guilt.

I would also get your mortgage paid off and keep the Australia property (rent it out if you need to).

What does expensive look like though? I’ve never found it to be averagely affordable (and by affordable I mean £100pcm for someone with no pre existing conditions)..What company do you use? I have found quotes to be extortionate.

I think you would regret it massively. I don't know where you are in Oz and I know it has its problems but I think you should stay if only for the weather. I used to live not too far from the Lakes. It's beautiful of course but much of the time it is cold, wet, damp... and that's inside ;) To be serious don't discount the impact living in a wet part of a damp, cold country will likely have on you all. It's got to be your decision of course and no one can really say anything of much use on the internet but for what it's worth, I don't think you should move.

I would move back if I were you…and soon before the children start school and making friends. It will be much harder when they have their own lives in Oz. You might end up in situation that my friend is in…she is desperate to move back to England to be near her family but her children are now young adults and want to stay in Australia.

OP, similar situation to you but the other way around (UK to Aus). Ultimately we moved back after a sudden death of a parent, terribly traumatic for us as it really came out of the blue. Being 10,000 miles away was very hard- similarly to you, we had no family in England. The above emphasised the importance of family to us, so we moved back for the kids to have a chance to be closer to their grandparents etc.

Does depend on visas etc. though, do you have AUS residency? Will make it much easier to come back later down the line.

So difficult with aging parents though. You feel so helpless should anything happen, especially as a flight back home is 20+ hours. I think the answer is dependent on your family and priorities.

Definitely understand where you are coming from re culture and proximity to Europe! We are finding we miss the variety of UK supermarkets, high st stores and Ryanair/easyjet flights to Europe.

Stay in Oz. As you say, you've both got good jobs there, the healthcare is better, you've got a significantly better quality of life than you will have here.

Can you afford one trip to come back and see what it's like to live here again and make up your mind?

I was talking to a friend yesterday whose own friend had moved back to the UK from Aus. They were older but moved back for similar reasons in that they now had grandchildren in the UK and wanted to be closer.

They found they'd been away too long to be comfortable in the UK. It may be that they chose the wrong area, but they ended up in a situation where they didn't like the UK any more but didn't want to go back to Aus either.

They've ended up living in Cyprus instead. Much closer to home and easier to access than in Aus, but with better weather!

They are retired though, so don't have any issues with jobs, etc, which is obviously a key factor for you.

Hence why I'd suggest a trip back. Don't view it as a holiday, view it as a trial run.

Look at an area you'd be interested in living in and find an AirBnB as similar to what you'd be able to afford to live in if you were to come back (not price wise, but property type wise - AirBnB will be more expensive than a regular tenancy rental). Come back not in the middle of summer (or do, if it's likely to be hot and you have no air con!).

i.e. try and make a visit as realistic as possible with the worst possible weather. If after that you still want to move back, do it!

Get your citizenship before you move back. I’m from the UK living in Perth, and know people who have gone back. A lot of them regretted it and ended up coming back. The UK is not the same place you left behind, it’s always best to keep your options open. Good luck whatever you decide.

Stay in Australia.

Re Oz citizenship, I think this is important practically but also psychologically. Since Brexit, some British people - me included - have felt trapped here. I'm unlikely to ever be able to live anywhere else without a major struggle now. Before we always had the option of living in or retiring to mainland Europe but now there are many more complications if you want to do that. Of course not many people did in percentage terms but the option was there if only in our dreams. If you have the option to return to Oz at some point without too many difficulties, the maybe it's worth giving it a go in the UK. I now Oz has it's downsides. Right now you have the choice to return to the UK but, as in the example above, that might not be an option without you having to make even more and potentially more difficult compromises in the future. It's a difficult one for sure but I still think you'd likely regret moving.

What were the reasons for taking you to Australia?

Thank you, yes we are dual citizens.

100%

Having a second option is a god send now that Europe is closed to so many.

I'm in a similar situation (Canada)

The crux of the matter for me is the kids

Their quality of life is so much better here than it would be in the UK. Like, so much better. I think ours is too