To stay in Aus or be back to the uk

[Lottemarine]

Hi,
We are a family of four (two young children-2 and 4 years old) who live in Australia. My husband and I are Brits, have lived here 13 years and our children were born here.

All our family are in England. Since having the children and having older parents in 70s/80s I feel drawn to move back so the children can grow up with their grandparents as my husband and once did.

The issue is we have a very good quality of live here, the medical system is good, we have good jobs that are well paid to the point we’ve nearly paid off our mortgage, but I miss Britain-family/friends, the culture, Europe and have done for years etc. We would never get the same pay over there, but would that matter…Everything I hear/read about England is a bit of doom and gloom, the politics the healthcare system is a concern especially with young children etc.

So what to do? The reality is we can’t go back every year, flights are expensive and there just isn’t enough annual leave, we might go back every couple or three years.

In the meantime, I have real guilt about not seeing my parents, I am an only child. My husband is indifferent, likes the lifestyle over here but would move if we decided too.

If we did move, it would be to the Lake District and in the next year or two, so the children could settle into school without it being too traumatic. Anyone gone through similar?

OP, I do understand. We emigrated to the States 6 years ago and it's very hard being apart from friends and family, especially aging parents. The guilt is real, and it's a long plane ride to get home in an emergency.

But, and it's a big but, I think you need to do what is best for your family, and your kids. For us, the quality of life here is so good we will never go back. The opportunities for our children are incredible; education, healthcare, the weather, the seasons, the beach, the outdoors. It's better for us.

It always looks rosier 'elsewhere', but if you are happy where you are, I would stay.

Move back if you and your husband want to live in England. Do it because you want to, not out of guilt about parents.

Many posters who talk England down or urge you to stay because of rising cost of living, the NHS, the weather, et cetera have never lived abroad. A country may just not be the right fit, even if objectively it appears to be 'better'.

I love the UK. I love it's culture, it's people, is natural beauty, and so many other things. For me, Australia - or anywhere else for that matter - wouldn't be a good fit. So I'm staying put!

I live in the Lake District and we have fantastic quality of life. The scenery is beautiful, the crime rate is low, our DC have gone to decent schools and the transport links (M6 and West coast mainline) means it's easy to get to other places, for example, I'm taking DS to London for an event tomorrow and it's a very straight forward train journey.

There's a very outdoorsy culture here which means my DC have grown up with an appreciation for nature and aren't very materialistic. House prices are high in some honey pot locations but better value away from the main tourist areas. It's a huge generalisation to suggest quality of life in the UK is worse than Australia - it surely depends where you are.

Which state are you in? I might look into it.

If you take the aging parents completely out of the equation, would you want to and decide to move back?

Personally I think your children will probably have a better upbringing in Australia. That’s just my opinion. To have an outdoor lifestyle is magical for kids. We don’t get much of that in the uk.

We moved back from NZ for this reason. Should definitely have sorted permanent residency first. Was worth it to spend time with parents, but my soul still aches for nz.

I moved to aus about the same time as you and we made the move back 4 years ago. We also had 2 kids there and we all have dual citizenship. The move was hard and I struggled a lot for the first year. It was absolutely the right decision for us though. Yes the weather is rubbish but I realised the weather had much less impact on my mental health than the guilt of being away from family and the lack of connection to Aussie culture.

We were doing trips back every year, it was brutal financially and the kids found the trips hard, just being paraded around for 4 weeks doing the rounds then we all would go straight back to school/ work and had no money or annual leave left to do anything else all year!

I have made such good friends since moving back and have made friends much more easily than I made them in Australia, particularly parent friends. We lived in Perth and I really struggled with the superficial culture in the area we lived in. Very much felt the kids needed to be dressed fashionably and have elaborate birthday parties etc. Was like living in Instagram and it was an absolute revelation when I moved back here and realised parenting didn't need to be like that!

But by far the best thing is my kids now have relationships with their grandparents. Proper relationships. It was so hard when we lived in aus and they'd have nothing for 6-12 months then be expected to spend every moment with them for several weeks! We don't even live near grandparents but seeing them every month or two or popping over for spontaneous weekends is lovely. It really started to get me down in Perth that our children's friends all had wide families with several generations, aunties, cousins etc within a few miles and we were just this isolated family of 4.

Just my thoughts to balance the doom and gloom!

I lived abroad for many years in different countries and continents including Australia. While I loved the experience and have many happy memories, in my heart I always thought about returning to the UK. As you say, stories in the newspapers make you hesitate and you wonder whether the grass is greener. I moved back and haven't regretted a day. Yes there are problems but I am so happy to be back with my family and just prefer the life here. English people have more fun I have realised! My biggest worry was the health system but found a good doctor and even an NHS dentist. Obviously it depends where you live. Maybe do a bit of research about locals hospitals. I do think the NHS 111 system is good here too. It can get you an emergency appointment or point you in the right direction if you are worried. There was nothing like that in the countries that I lived in. One thing to consider is that if you stay longer there is the possibility that when they are older your children will settle and marry in Australia which would make a future decision very difficult or impossible for you.

Massachusetts. Sun is shining and the sky is blue.

I think pp on relationship with gps is a good one.

But your position sounds good there

Weather isn’t really factor for me, but it might be for you

Out of all these Aus / UK posts yours is a toughie

This isn't true. Some houses in the National Park have occupancy restrictions and can only be bought by people with a connection to the area but overall there are very few houses that applies to.

Family is more important to me than weather.

I am sure no country is the same as it was 13 years ago.

Good luck with what you decide.

There's a very strong outdoor culture in the Lakes. My DC and their friends have grown up fell running, mountain biking, hill walking, sailing, rock climbing and outdoor swimming as well as the usual football, dance gymnastics etc.

Shorter winter days and damp weather doesn't put anyone off and all this has been fitted around school and in some cases facilitated by the schools. My children's primary school arranged cross lake swims and walks up mountains to watch the sunrise. Their secondary school had an annual fell race everyone joined in with. IMO life in the Lakes is very different to other parts of the UK and short winter days are offset by long summer ones with lots of evening daylight for adventures.

There is climate change to consider. Will Australia get unbearably hot and dry over the next 20--30 years to the point it's very hard to live there?

I have had 4 kids go through state primary and my job takes me into state primaries daily. I have been to virtually every primary school in one of our largest cities.

The kids are absolutely fine, the schools are absolutely fine. Yes they don't have money for luxuries but it's not like they are gathered around a single piece of paper with one pencil between them. The kids have books, the rooms have interactive whiteboards, they are heated, the kids get fed, they play outside. You make it sound like they are sheltering under tarpaulin.

My 4 have bright futures ahead in this lovely country. Yes there have been better times, but there are still opportunities.

I was in a similar situation several years ago and happy to be PM-ed as would prefer not to put all details here. Suffice to say, we were very happy in Australia but moved back to UK for various reasons, and now would feel terrible separating beloved grandchildren and grandparents again.

But we do miss Australia desperately, even years later, and have citizenship so the plan is to go back eventually.

Looking back, I will wouldn't change it (despite it being so hard to leave) because being back with our very close and supportive family has been so precious. But we definitely had much better quality of life over there and better job prospects for me particularly. The balance tips each way all the time.

We lived in Oz and had our children there. We moved back when they were little for the sane reasons. No regrets. In Oz when too hot everyone goes to shopping malls, in uk when too wet everyone goes to soft play etc. Swings and roundabouts! Same life just different people. They're who count!

If anything, things are much worse now than 2008. The economy never really recovered, then we had austerity, Covid and Brexit. I wouldn't come back in your shoes.

Wow. Super judgemental and very very limited thinking you are showing here. Nothing vapid or shallow about wanting to bring your dc up in a country with a better climate, better standard of living and better healthcare. Sacrificing for your dc is the opposite of vapid or shallow. You may not want to do it but you don't have to demonise others who do.

Stay in Oz. My kids are older teens they saw one set of grandparents very regularly growing up and another abroad not so much. To be honest at their age they really are not that close to any of their grandparents they have very busy lives and will soon be at uni. You seem to love your life in Australia why rock the boat. Yes you don’t see your aged parents but it’s your life and your kids. DD may well end up abroad after uni I’m keen for her to go, my DH less so but it’s her life and I think there are many countries with a much better standard of living than the UK at the moment.

Move back! Tell yourself its just for the primary school age years as a trial. If it goes well you can stay. If not, head back in time for your oldest to start secondary back in Aus.

If you were thinking of moving back to UK to somewhere grim, I'd say no! But the lake district is beautiful! And your family are here.

My mum is sadly dead :( we thought about moving out to your neck of the woods a few years ago, but I'm glad we didn't. I got to spend the last few years of mum's life near-by, and because we lived near her, when her health took a downward turn, I could be by her side at hospital and sadly the night she died.

I'm soo glad my children have a few memories of their grandma. She died too soon, but at least they got to.spend some time with her.

You also never quite know how long you have left with your parents. My mum was v young at heart. I thought she'd still.be around into her 90s, but she died 20 years before that.

Good luck. It's a big decision.

Op I promise you don’t do it. It’s easy to romanticise the U.K. from afar. I fell into the trap of watching midsummer murders and putting on my rose tinted specs 😂
I ping ponged and while I don’t regret it we ended up coming back over and leaving the U.K.. The grey sky, the grind - it seeps in. No.

Agree! My children's primary and secondary schools are excellent. They have great teachers (on the whole!), excellent opportunities (school trips, clubs, etc..), the children do well academically and the schools encourage positive behaviour and are v caring, nurturing and inclusive.

Of course some English schools are poor, but the OP sounds like she's the kind of person who would take care to check out the schools in advance of moving. I'm sure there are plenty of good schools in the Lakes.

So you’ve got no experience of living overseas but thought you’d weigh in anyway? Have you ever left the U.K. - because it doesn’t sound like it.