To stay in Aus or be back to the uk

[Lottemarine]

Hi,
We are a family of four (two young children-2 and 4 years old) who live in Australia. My husband and I are Brits, have lived here 13 years and our children were born here.

All our family are in England. Since having the children and having older parents in 70s/80s I feel drawn to move back so the children can grow up with their grandparents as my husband and once did.

The issue is we have a very good quality of live here, the medical system is good, we have good jobs that are well paid to the point we’ve nearly paid off our mortgage, but I miss Britain-family/friends, the culture, Europe and have done for years etc. We would never get the same pay over there, but would that matter…Everything I hear/read about England is a bit of doom and gloom, the politics the healthcare system is a concern especially with young children etc.

So what to do? The reality is we can’t go back every year, flights are expensive and there just isn’t enough annual leave, we might go back every couple or three years.

In the meantime, I have real guilt about not seeing my parents, I am an only child. My husband is indifferent, likes the lifestyle over here but would move if we decided too.

If we did move, it would be to the Lake District and in the next year or two, so the children could settle into school without it being too traumatic. Anyone gone through similar?

Can I ask what is good about the quality of life out there? Curiosity ny snideness.😆

Personally, I'd move back and give it a go. Aus will always be waiting if you decide to return again, but you'll no longer be wondering if you should make the move. Check out the Facebook group called 'Ping pong poms' for people in a similar boat - there's multiple similar questions asked every day on there

Yes we have family in the Lakes and would be within 2 hours of the other grandparents. I think you’re right though, life gets busy in those school years and the reality might be different.

Definitely! It's really easy to bounce back and forth in your mind. They couldn't be further apart, they have just enough in common but are so vastly different. Its common to question it. You usually have your life split between two continents.

I know what you’re saying. All I can say is sometimes situations aren’t as clear cut and yes maybe those that leave are selfish to do so.

Re. Can I ask what is good about the quality of life out there?

So:

Heavily subsidized daycare ($7 a day). This is so important for women and balances things out for all kids somewhat- access to a universal daycare system.

Schools are great

The weather is super - four distinct seasons i.e. outdoor pool is open 3 months of the year. Hot summers, cold winters. Not many dreary days like the UK. The autumns are spectacular.

Healthcare system is not the best, but certainly not bad. If I need an appointment for the kids I can get it pretty much the same day. If it was me I'd either go private (private health insurance) or have to drive half an hour to get a public sector appointment.

There is such a sense of positivity and pride in the town we live in - I feel this is missing in the UK. Public services are fabulous. Great libraries, parks, etc.

Presumably you know that there are parts of the Lake District you won't be able to automatically buy in due to restrictions?

South Cumbria is lovely though.

The Lakes are beautiful. But as a pp said, a November weekend, dark at 3pm and raining... That's tough.

It's a hard one op

I have family (if you count the various bits) in the UK, SA, NZ, Oz, Canada, France, Pakistan, Jamaica, The Netherlands, the US, Ireland and others. Friends in too many to count.

Some people have the wanderlust gene and couldn't live in the same place as all their family if they tried. Judge away but we'd all still be in the Rift Vally if people didn't move.

It was after the 2008 UK economic recession and we were graduates with low prospects of getting a mortgage and then my partner got made redundant. Australia at that time was experiencing a mining boom and we both got decent jobs within 2 weeks of being here. Fast forward to now…

Got to agree, unless you're estranged from your family and have no close friends I don't see how quality of life can be that much better just because of the sunny weather. To me living isn't about that, it's about your relationships and connections with people and I don't understand how people move away from everyone and everything they know and love

For what it is worth op; I think many of us that live abroad will think about family and miss our home countries on a regular basis. I have older children, 6 and 10, born in Spain but comparing like for like the lives we can offer our children here instead of the UK is no comparison.
Have you talked to people that have children in state primary in the UK? The school is in a dire state and so underfunded. Essentially your children's future will be (in my opinion) negatively impacted. They have no future in the UK as the UK you left in 2008 bears no similarity to the one you will be going back to.
For what it's worth; FIL said last time we saw him how greatful he is that our children will have any possibility in life, being it UK or another country. Moving back now will make it harder for them 😘

"Ping Pong Poms" is a phrase for a reason. It's a head vs heart thing and either way you'll have regrets. There is no right answers in this situation so you just have to do what you feel is best (and not moan about the reality). Either way you'll be making a new life, again. Which is hard work.

Sad as it might be regarding your parents, I would say live where you think the best prospects for your children are long term or where you think is the best outlook on life and opportunities for them long term. I would never move away from the UK, partly because I'd think it might be hard to settle here again.Is there is a risk of rose colour specs about returning to the UK ?

What do your parents think?

My son has been in Vancouver for a year and am pretty certain he will move back there with GF in the future.
Other son in Melbourne…hopefully not for good!
As a Mum who adores her boys ,I can take Vancouver over Australia . 9 hour flight V 24hr flight …no brainer.

My inlaws moved from the UK to NZ with three kids when their youngest was three. After a few years, they moved back to the UK, not least because of how much they missed their parents etc. It was not long before my MIL's mother turned around to her one day and said, 'what the heck are you doing here love? You're miserable here!' And they were, the kids especially, and particularly the eldest and the youngest. So they ended up re-emigrating.

I really do think you'd be wise to come and have a good long gander before you made the decision. It's all very well to say, 'well, you can always go back', it costs a bloody fortune to emigrate to the other side of the world - as we know to our somewhat bitter cost!

I would be selfish and stay put!

As another poster said, the England you idealise sadly no longer exists.

And I have never been so bone achingly lonely as when I lived in the Lake District- generally it doesn't bother me at all to be alone, but that was something else. Difficult for children I would think. Maybe different if you have deep roots and extended family there though I imagine.

Have the parentage said anything /hinted anything to you about coming back?

You can stay in touch over the internet and visit in the summer. As their care needs escalate that will need to be managed but not at the cost of your own quality of life.

You mention the Lake District so I am assuming your parents live there? I hope to goodness they are within easy striking distance of medical facilities and a good hospital. It is their responsibility to sort that out.

OP, there is a brilliant forum called Poms in Oz that I used a lot when we lived there. There is a MBTTUK section with lots of people who’ve made the leap.
I’m married to an Australian and he much prefers it here in the UK as do I but you’ve lived over there for such a long time so probably will be hard to adapt.
Good luck with whatever you decide

It will depend where you live in either country though.

My kids go to wonderful state schools and some have had big improvements since that time. Some of the secondaries have had their facilities upgraded as an example, our local one has an improved swimming pool and many now have really good sports pitches and such like. My old school has two new blocks including the 6th form. Another secondary we visited recently has a new block and all new toilets. Our primary school currently has new heating and boiler going in. You can’t just say that it’s all in a bad state.

Meanwhile I have a friend who lives in a rural(ish)area in Spain who is full of complaints about stuff and the lack of things they can access compared to back in the U.K. 🤷🏼‍♀️

This isn’t the case here. We’re happy with it

Op I know what it’s like to be far apart. There’s no definite way to go but if you are doing well in Aus that is a positive

We were 'To and from Poms' financially it was ruinous, did the move twice, furniture, pets, I could go on . But we much prefer the UK. Family, friends, the pubs, culture, the seasons, Europe on the doorstep etc etc. At least your husband is on side. It's really hard for couples when one wants to return and the other doesn't. I saw a few marriages break up sadly.
Good luck with whatever you decide.

Also our grandchildren live at opposite ends of the UK and are in excellent state primary schools.

I moved back from Aus 5 years ago after being there for 11 years. I just had this growing need/pull to come back so we sold up and made the move back. 6 months after we did my dad unfortunately passed away quite suddenly, I can't imagine having been on the other side of the world when it happened (was middle of covid too so would never have got back) and I'm still so grateful to have made that decision.

The only thing I miss about Aus is the weather, but this is only sometimes as I wasn't a big fan of the heat. The health care system is definitely better though, but the cost of living I would say is on par.

It's a difficult decision but you both being Brits will hopefully mean neither of you will feel like here isn't home

UK is a completely different place to what it was 13 years ago.

No way would I move back to a place that so many people are desperate to leave. But the missing family thing is really difficult. I'm not sure what the answer is OP. But the truth is your family will almost certainly have a worse quality of life here, but they'll be closer to your parents and sometimes that can improve your happiness and fulfillment massively. Very tricky