Need a hand hold

[Imbluedalale]

That’s just it really. I really need a cuddle but that’s not possible so can anybody just support me right now? My mental health is on the floor right now I’ve never felt as low it’s making me feel so ill

I hope you sleep really well tonight - you have fought an incredible battle and deserve a blissful night's sleep!

PS - you REALLY don't want to try my chocolate cornflake cakes. For some reason I thought that milk was involved - soggy cornflakes are really not where it's at!

What do you think RaspberryBeretxx…

For the attention of Damian Allen,

I am writing to you today as I am a resident of Doncaster and have been for 15 years.

I have also sent Sally Jameson an email in regard to my situation .

I am writing this email because I feel absolutely broken right now with everything I am having to deal with .

I feel so very let down by Doncaster Council (St Leger Homes) and I have never been treated or spoken to so appalling with everything else I’m going through Aswell .

I will start from the beginning if that’s ok.
I have been with my partner for 15 years , during that time he physically and emotionally assaulted me . The last beating I had in March this year resulted in me being hospitalised with 5 broken ribs . He has said the most terrible vile things to me such as telling me to go kill myself or that he hopes the cancer kills me . He also threw all my cancer medication away so I had to drive back to Sheffield and get some more because I was on 25 tablets a day at that point. He made fun of my cancer scars and he made fun of my weight whilst I was on steroids .
There are so many other things he has said and done but I just wanted time give you an idea of it .

I suffer with my mental health , I have severe anxiety and depression . This started a few years ago but last February (2023) I was in a very bad way and I drove to the Humber bridge in Hull and attempted to jump off . But I was stopped by two workers . I went to a&e and spent 7 weeks as a voluntary patient at Tickhill hospital. Since I was discharged I have been having weekly visits with the South Community Mental Health Team. And I have been managing my mental health up until this point .

In February of this year (2024) I was diagnosed with Cancer . It was agreed that they would operate on it as much as they could to remove it . In March my ex partner broke 5 of my ribs , I was hospitalised for 8 days for this . I have spent 8 times in hospital so far this year, 6 times at DRI, once at Bassetlaw and once at Weston Park cancer hospital. Because of my broken ribs they were not able to put me to sleep for the operation due to breathing difficulties so they opted for an epidural instead . They also removed my lymph nodes during the operation. 3 days later I was back at DRI because I couldn’t stop vomiting and had lost 3 stone in 5 weeks . My Oncologist recommended I have 9 cycles of treatment to try and zap the remaining cancer cells. I started this is July time and straight away I became poorly and for Colitis and was put on steroids. During this time my white blood cell count dropped very low and my infection markers were high so I was feeling very poorly . I woke up a few weeks after the treatment and my right side of my body felt funny. It was tingling but numb . I rang my cancer nurse and she said to come straight in for an appointment. I went to the appointment and they admitted me straight away. They did lots of tests and tried to put as many steroids in me via an IV drip. It came to light that the toxins from the treatment had been attacking my nerves instead of the cancer cells which led to paralysis on the right side . I was an inpatient at the hospital for 3 weeks . I was then diagnosed with FND (Functional Neurological Disorder). And now I can only walk very small distances and have to use a crutch . I’m also seeing the neurology team and a physiotherapist. So I am classed as disabled .

The day I got discharged from Weston Park hospital I had to get a taxi home as nobody came to pick me up and it was then that my ex said he wants me out . On the day I was made homeless I presented myself at the council offices and explained my predicament with the domestic violence, mental health problems , disability and my cancer . I was given a room at the Premier Inn in town centre . I wasn’t able to take my children with me as the council didn’t seem them as being homeless because they were staying with their father and my eldest 2 have work and college and youngest has school and I didn’t want to disrupt that .

I spent 2 weeks at the Premier Inn on a disabled room and during this time I bid for houses as I was put on platinum banding so it’s the highest priority. I Havnt been lucky so far but I have just bid for 3 more properties this week and I’m really hoping that I might get one of those .

Because of everything that happened in a short space of time my mental health declined rapidly so I was receiving support from the crisis team, home treatment team and, my mental health team and my creative support worker . They all could see how much this was affecting me so they wanted me to go to the crisis house in Doncaster to stay for 7 days to give me a break from everything. At first I didn’t want to go as I was worried I would lose out on my accommodation but they reassured me that they will still be able to provide me with the same accommodation not necessary in that hotel but it would be the same with accessibility and that would be suitable for my needs.
So with that reassurance I decided to go to the crisis house . I ended up staying there for 11 days but they were not able to accommodate me any further as they had other patients that had to go in . I was told by the council to ring them on the actual day I was homeless and they would sort me out . I was on the phone with them all day yesterday from 9am-4.30pm.
I received a phone call just after lunchtime saying there was a room available for me at the Prime Lodge Doncaster and I asked if it was a disabled room and if it had a lift. It didn’t have a lift and she wasn’t aware that I needed a disabled room but she said it would be ok so she booked it and we left it at that. When I told all the staff at the crisis house and my mental health team where they was going to put me they all said they think it’s a very bad idea and it will have a detrimental effect on my mental health . So I looked online and it stayed that the hostel is occupied by 97% males , is also used as a halfway house for ex prisoners Aswell as migrants . On top of that it has numerous stag parties at the weekend and people have said you won’t get any sleep here because people are banging all hours of the night . There is damp on the walls and paint landing on you from the ceiling . There is 24 hour security but that’s because of how rowdy it is and I was told by the police last night that get called out there 3/4 times a day . That is my biggest concern regarding the hostel , the men. I have left a domestic abuse relationship and I have an absolute fear of being around men now . I know not all men are bad and there’s men in all hotels but this is 97% men . I will not feel safe there at all . It is not ideal accommodation for my needs. On top of that the rooms are not disabled . The floor on the shower is very slippy and the shower doors tend to fall on you . There are also no facilities nearby I can use due to being disabled so I will just be stuck there . So myself , my mental health team and my support worker all deemed this accommodation really wasn’t suitable for me . So I refused to accept it .
They said the only other accommodation that was available was a room in Bradford which I couldn’t accept because I have to be in this area so I can attend my hospital appointments as I have an ambulance service that takes me and fetches me back . The council wouldn’t budge and they had absolutely no care or compassion for the situation I’m in . They said they didn’t seem my fear of men being a valid reason for declining the accommodation. Another of the council team said I should count myself lucky I’m not on the streets and another member of the council said ‘what are you expecting the Ritz’ , no I’m not expecting the ritz but I do expect to be housed somewhere safe and suitable for my needs .
The way I was treated by the housing team at the council yesterday was shocking . They just didn’t care . Everybody whom are trying to help me were shocked and sickened by it . The council offices then shut and I had to leave the house so I walked out very very upset . I couldn’t talk for crying and I’m trying to walk with my crutch in one hand and my suitcase in the other . I told the council team and all my team I would rather be dead than go there so that was my plan . I got a bus to the bus station and walked across to the train station and stood on platform 3 for about 90 minutes , I was sobbing and shaking but I was determined the first fast train that went past I was going to jump in front of it . During this time the police had been trying to call and locate me and sending me messages saying they are extremely concerned for my safety I ignored every text and call and concentrated on the track waiting for that train . I must have got on the wrong platform as all the fast non stopping ones were on another platform . The police had put a tracker on my phone and found me at the train station . They took me to the police station as we sat in a room and I told them everything . They was absolutely disgusted that the council think it’s appropriate to put me in a hostel full of men after everything I’ve been though with my ex. The police woman called the out of hours service and managed to get me one night in the travel lodge at lakeside . This is where I am now because a friend agreed to fund a few extra nights for me so I’m not back on the streets until it’s sorted .
My mental health team and my support worker have been on the phone all day with the council trying to sort it out but have had no luck. The council have requested all the medical documents again even though they have them and my mental health team sent them a long email to say this is not acceptable for me , the accommodation you booked for me wasn’t suitable and that it would have a massive detrimental effect to my mental health .
Now we have been told by Kate the manager that they can’t do anything for me until Friday as I have accommodation here until then. If my friend hadn’t sorted out a few extra nights I would have been back in the streets tonight and nobody in the homeless team seems to give a damn .

I am so disgusted and saddened at the treatment I have received , the lack of support , the snidy comments and the lack of compassion that I have written to our local MP Sally Jameson . She has apologised for the concerns raised and she is going to look into it .

Myself and my team of professionals have gone down every route possible to help me get suitable housing from yourself until a home that I bid for becomes available. I can’t try and start my life again until I get a home and I’m trying my absolute hardest to do that .

I was given your details Damian in the hope that you can help me. Please if there is anything you can do?

If I don’t receive an acceptable response from the council regarding finding my suitable accommodation I will have no choice but to go to the Ombudsman.

Kind regards
Laura S

Thank you Munchyseeds2,
I hope you sleep well too. Thank you for being there for me today , you and everyone else . I’m alone but I havnt felt alone because you all have been there for me all day . Thank you 🙏 xx

Ohhh thanks Ruralretreating.
I’ll put that in my notes , I’m just looking at the domestic abuse act because it says something in there about suitable housing xx

Hi TealPoet,
I hope you’re feeling better soon, thinking of you .
Please thank your mum for the love she sent me .
I have taken my sleeping medication but takes about an hour to kick in so shouldn’t be long .
Don’t we just have a great brigade on this thread , your all absolute warriors with hearts as big as the sun xx

Thank you ChoccieCornflake,
And thank you so much for your support you’re a real amazing woman I hope you know that.
And aslong as there’s no arsenic in them I would eat your cakes xx

Hiya. Hopefully you’re asleep but see this in the morning. I know you didn’t ask me, but I’m an English teacher and please may I just make a little suggestion? At the beginning, where you say you are resident of Doncaster, make it clear that you are asking for his intervention to secure you appropriate emergency accommodation. (Why can’t go back to the Premier Inn, by the way?)

Also, when you mention you’ve bid on three houses this week, name them. Make it easy for him to fix one for you.

Finally, I wouldn’t advise saying you don’t want to go the accommodation because there are migrants there. That could be considered prejudice and may not go in your favour. Xx

Hi Apolloneuro,
I’m not asleep yet . Thank you so much for your help and advice I will change those now .
So I would say ‘I am a resident of Doncaster and I am asking for your intervention to secure me appropriate emergency accommodation’?
They won’t let me go back to the premier inn they said that was a one off as they don’t normally use them but because at that time there was no availability anywhere else they put me up in there .

Right so I’ll name the houses , shall I put the reference on there Aswell?

And I will remove the migrants comment you are very right! Thank you so much xx

Yes darling, make it very clear what you are asking for and def add the reference. Make it as easy as possible for him to help you.

I think it’s good that you add details, but perhaps try to be a little more concise with the background. Remember we want him to read it, see that you haven’t been managed correctly and rectify it. Don’t let details about what the council is doing wrong be lost in the details about what happened last year.

When you mention the bits about the Ritz etc, add this ‘I know that you will be disappointed that your staff spoke to a vulnerable resident in such a disrespectful way, as this falls very short of the standard of conduct I'm sure you expect.’

Finally, call him Mr Allen, not Damien. You need to maintain a serious, professional tone.

Do none of this now. Do it in the morning xxx

Ok thank you so much Apolloneuro,
I really appreciate all your help.
How can I be more concise? Sorry I’m not very good with writing professional letters xx

It’s mainly the paragraph that starts ‘In February of this year…’ that’s maybe a bit too long. I’ll re-write it for you in the morning if you like, but we both need to go to sleep now xx

Ok thank you so much Apolloneuro.
Your an angel 😇
Good night and sweet dreams xx

Two quick points on letter (my former job involved a lot of persuasive letter writing)

• totally agree with all Apollo’s advice especially to put the ask upfront. After “I am a resident of Doncaster and I am asking for your intervention to secure me appropriate emergency accommodation. ” would add “I am a victim of domestic violence, diagnosed with cancer, partially paralysed and classed as disabled.” (Hopefully I’ve summarised that accurately). That puts all the key information in first part so he understands the priority and vulnerability
• Change “It is not ideal accommodation for my needs.” To “It is not appropriate accommodation for my needs”.

It looks as though council are supposed to sort emergency accommodation first, then do the assessment and PHP. But if you’re able to bid on houses already maybe that’s been done.

Good Morning OP. I just wanted to check in with you to see how you are getting on. I hope you managed to get some sleep. The sheer exhaustion of fighting for basic services is soul destroying. As a parent of SEN child there is nothing that comes easily nor without numerous calls and letters spilling out your most intimate details. Sadly I have found that those who have the energy to exhaust all official avenues will be successful but when you are mentally drained it's an overwhelming challenge. Nothing should be this hard and not for the most vulnerable in our societies. You have great support here and more inner strength than I think you realise to keep on going. That's the hardest part I think. Lots of love and hugs to you - you truly are an inspiration. xx

I copied your post into ChatGPT and asked it to summarise it. I then went in and tweaked it. See what you think about this and note that there are a couple of times where you need to add something or check something.

Subject: Urgent Assistance Required with Accommodation and Support

Dear Mr Allen,

I am reaching out as a Doncaster resident of 15 years, urgently seeking help with my housing situation following recent traumatic events, which left me disabled, ill and vulnerable. I've also contacted Sally Jameson, our MP, regarding this and she has assured me she will investigate.

My background involves enduring years of domestic violence from my partner, which escalated to a severe assault in March, resulting in hospitalisation for eight days. Also, I am currently battling cancer, which has involved intensive treatment and multiple hospitalisations. Due to complications, my treatment caused partial paralysis on my right side, leading to an official diagnosis of FND (Functional Neurological Disorder). The result of this is that I am physically unstable, can only walk a few steps and require a mobility aid. In addition, I am managing severe anxiety and depression, which previously led to a suicide attempt and a subsequent voluntary admission to Tickhill Hospital. With ongoing support from the South Community Mental Health Team, I have been making progress in managing my mental health.

A few weeks ago, after another hospital discharge, my ex-partner forced me out of our home, effectively rendering me homeless. The council initially provided temporary accommodation at a Premier Inn, in an accessible room. My children did not come with me as it was appropriate that they maintain stability for their schooling and I stayed nearby for my own hospital treatment. Since being placed on the Platinum band for housing need, I have bid for many houses. This week I have put in a bid for (you need to add it Laura)

After a brief stay at a crisis house, the council offered a room at Prime Lodge Doncaster, but it is entirely unsuitable for my needs as a disabled, domestic violence survivor. I am fearful of staying in a male-dominated hostel, with no accessibility features and my support team agrees that this environment would seriously impact my mental health. The accommodation does not fit my mobility needs.

I was told by your staff that my fears were not ‘valid,’ that I could not expect ‘The Ritz’ and I was ‘lucky' not to be on the streets.’ I can assure you that I do not feel in the slightest bit lucky. These comments from council staff were deeply distressing and I am sure you will be disappointed to learn of the conduct of your staff.

After hours on the phone and struggling to manage with a crutch and suitcase, I became overwhelmed on Tuesday night, (is that correct Laura) reached a crisis point and was intent on ending my life. Ultimately I rescued by the police at Doncaster train station. They will have a full report of what happened that night, should you wish for clarification.

I am currently in a Travelodge funded by a friend, but this is temporary until Saturday morning and I am without long-term solutions. My mental health and medical support teams have appealed to the council on my behalf, but despite being in the highest-priority band for housing, I have seen no progress. The council has delayed action until Friday, disregarding my urgent need for appropriate accommodation.

The treatment I’ve received has been heartbreaking, especially during such a vulnerable period in my life. I am reaching out to you in the hope that you might intervene to help secure suitable accommodation. Thank you for any assistance you can offer.

Sincerely,

I took out the threat of going to an Ombudsman, not because it isn't valid, but because this man hasn't let you down yet, so save the heavier options if/until he does. Do copy your MP into it though.

Great email @Imbluedalale . And agree with all the other brilliant comments made on it.

I think you can keep it long if you have the mini summary in the first para as Ruralretreating suggests. Or I can condense a bit but I don’t have access to my laptop till later and I think it’s best to get it sent quickly. You’ve done a really good job of giving all your background, he can bloody well take the time to have a good read through!

I might also change “nobody in the homeless team seems to give a damn” (last line of a paragraph bear the end) to “the homeless team don’t seem to realise the severity of the situation I’m facing”.

Hope you managed a good sleep last night and a decent breakfast (plus a sandwich for later!). Sending you love and strength for today 💕.

This is great, such a good plan to ChatGPT it and tweak.

Great work @Apolloneuro @RaspberryBeretxx and ChatGPT! Hope you’re feeling rested and ready to keep pushing.
Waving to @nornironlady as a fellow SEN parent, totally agree it’s a fight and shouldn’t be!

Morning lovely
Never thought that I would be a fan of ChatGPT but that email is just what's needed!

I hope the medication helped you to sleep and that you are managing to eat a little and that this is the day things finally start to go in the right direction

DON'T GIVE UP❤xxx

Morning nornironlady,
I hope you’re ok?
I got a little bit of sleep thank you , I was tossing and turning all night but did manage to drop off ok the end . I do definitely feel mentally drained and before I went to sleep last night I got really overwhelmed with everything and sobbed for about an hour .
My emotions are all over the place but I’m going to try my hardest to dust myself off ready to battle again today .
I’m sorry to hear that you have to battle for your child’s basic services . It’s just a terrible system.
You sound like an incredible parent @nornironlady.
And I really do have amazing support on here , I’m honestly overwhelmed that there’s people out there that want to help and support me , words cannot express how thankful I am .
Thank you @nornironlady xx

Hi Apolloneuro,
Wow! That is absolutely amazing thank you so so much . It reads so good I’m so impressed.
Thank you so much @Apolloneuro I can’t express how thankful I am .
Right I’m going to send it now and copy in MP.
Fingers crossed xx

Here for another day. I haven’t much use for this trouser press but if I can be of any assistance, I am
here.
I was thinking reading your words OP. When this part is over, and you get a home and rebuild your life I think you would be able to write a brilliant book. It would be so inspirational. Like this thread it would tell people a true story of how any woman can end up in the situation you have been forced into.
Obviously not today as you have so much on, but you are a very talented writer.
But I hope soon, when you and your spoon are settled.

I agree Peggy. Great things are ahead for our Laura, I think.