Sweet Bobby - My Catfish Nightmare on Netflix. SPOILERS

[WTF0]

Posting on here for traffic!

So I understand this documentary was based on a podcast so I’m sure some people may know the story already but what the actual FUCK?!

I wish I could say that I felt sorry for her but I just couldn’t. How do you manage to have a friendship and then romantic relationship with someone online for so long? The fact that her cousin was behind it all was so fucked up but I find it even more fucked up that her family just accepted her being engaged to someone online.

My thoughts are all over the place because I just don’t understand how you can be so desperate to be in a relationship with someone that common sense goes out of the window. As for the cousin, pure evil.

Has anyone else watched it yet?

Oh yes, I forgot about that bit. How unhinged was that? Faffing around on her smartwatch just to send a fake message as Bobby when she was with Kirat. The cousin is actually so fucked up, I don’t know how you could do something like that

I've been aware of the story for awhile and actually listened to the podcast for the first time very recently, coincidental to the NF show landing.

I agree that the show goes into less detail than the pod. The pod really gets into the characters and has a lot more on Simran and on the "after" part of the story. You can see better how Kirat got taken over perniciously in the pod cast. However, even in the pod I think there are a few details that I'm surprised didn't ring alarm bells or just didn't add up. Simran got lucky with a few things. It's much harder to see something when you're in the midst though, and Simrans web was immense. I think the weight of that, the length of the con, the cultural expectations and background and the boiled frog nature of the whole thing make it very easy to understand how Kirat was mired in fake-Bobby world. I went to school with someone I could see quite easily trying something like this and she is frightening.

I do know people in real life who've had runs of bad luck so misfortune does beget misfortune but for me the Bobby narrative was too much. I like to think I would've questioned it, but again, the boiled frog analogy plus emotional attachment means I can see why Kirat didn't. I've also watched Conman on NF about that guy who pretended to be an intelligence agency operative and someone on there said you might not fall for this con, that con or another con but everyone has their specific vulnerabilities. So yes the Sweet Bobby story is frustrating but I have a lot if sympathy for Kirat.

I didn’t realise it was initially a podcast so thanks to the posters who made reference to that. I started listening yesterday and it’s definitely more in depth than the show. Has the show misrepresented any details or is it me misinterpreting the pod? I’m sure the pod mentioned Bobby had a child soon in their relationship - not after him being in witness protection.

@MrsToothyBitch

So agree with your post. I always think of the attractive woman who was taken in by a guy who claimed to be in MI6, and was a swiss banker, property developer yada yada... he managed to con her out of her life savings. I have seen her interviewed more than once, she just comes across switched on and sensible. Not needy, not vulnerable. She's written a book about it.

This also reminds me of Mary Turner Thomson, who married a man who pretended to be in the CIA and who ultimately cost her her house and all her savings.

He turned out to be a bigamist with several wives, girlfriends and children.

The Bigamist: The True Story of a Husband's Ultimate Betrayal https://amzn.eu/d/4DFnPHF

I watched this last night and guessed it was the cousin quite early on, she was the only person that had ‘met’ with him.

I felt bad for Kirat but i do wonder at what point she would have questioned things. It seems he could have said he was living on the moon and she would have believed him.

when she saw him and spoke to him in the nightclub and he clearly had no idea who she was, that should have rang alarm bells for her.

but I felt sorry for the pressure she seemed under, to get married. Her parents seemed obsessed with her being married which I understand is cultural, but to the detriment of their daughter’s life!

My friend has a boyfriend who won't have sex with her and does everything possible to avoid intimacy with her. First said he couldn't sleep with her because he had liver cancer. Then when he couldn't keep that going any longer he told her it was a mistake and he couldn't sleep with her because he had hepatitis. When it transpired he didn't have that he then told her he can't sleep with her because he might have prostate cancer. Now he's been dragging it out for months pretending he still hasn't got the test results yet. Because of course if you're being tested because the hospital thinks you might have cancer they are really going to drag out giving you the test results indefinitely like that. Lie after lie after lie. Once he can't keep that one going anymore he will dream up another reason he can't sleep with her. But guess what? She's still with him because she believes everything he tells her. Trust me, there really are people out there who don't apply common sense even when the lies are this obvious. I don't understand why she still clings on to him myself but nothing I say makes any difference. I've come to the conclusion she's either so desperate for a boyfriend she'll put up with anything or she's just a bit of a mug.

I do feel sorry for Kirat obviously. She was vulnerable due to societal and culture pressure to get married and have babies. However she seemingly ignored huge red flags such as:

The fact that when she bumped into Bobby he had no idea who she was. And also the next time he messaged wouldn't you have immediately queried the fact he didn't seem to recognise her when she saw him? She said she thought she mentioned it years later but was vague about out and couldn't seem to remember the excuse.

The fact he was on 'witness protection'. For future reference for anybody, If someone tells you they're are witness protection they're not. The first rule of witness protection is that you can't tell anyone!'

She also never questioned why he would be on witness protection? What was the motive for the alleged shooting? Why would people want to track him down in the first place? Why was he allegedly flown to New York for medical treatment when he was a British citizen and therefore could avail himself of the free NHS and not the eye wateringly expensive US system. Who would be paying for it? Why would they move him from Kenya in the first place if his condition was so critical? Would they have risked a trans Atlantic flight with someone allegedly in witness protection. Much easier to take to a non local Kenyan Hospital and provide armed guards.

I could go on. However I heard she is now campaigning for catfishing to be made illegal however the outcome would have been pretty much the same if she had been conversing with the real Bobby and he was just a married man having an online affair. Would she be campaigning to make it illegal for married people to have affairs? It currently isn't illegal to pretend to be someone else or 'steal' someone's identity. It is however illegal to use the false identity to commit a crime. I don't think h'Bobby' ever asked her to send him money and in fact it appears 'Bobby' was the one sending her flowers and gifts.

https://www.hellomagazine.com/film/724447/sweet-bobby-kirat-assis-disappointed-real-bobby-catfish-documentary/

This interview gave me pause. I honestly don't think the "real" Bobby owes her a meeting or any kind of interaction really and I can see anyone in his situation avoiding it, without any cultural aspects being in play.

Thank you for linking this!

Why on earth would Kirat say she’s disappointed that the real Bobby hasn’t spoken with her, why the hell would he?! This man has a wife and a child along with his own wife. He had no clue someone was pretending to be him so I’m not sure why he would meet up with her when he doesn’t actually know her? She’s very bizarre

I think she still half believes in their engagement.

Sorry I meant to say, ‘along with his own life.’

@TheShellBeach I honestly think you’re right. It’s like she believes that they can still have some sort of interaction. This man had no clue she even existed, why would he want to talk to her. She seems to be wanting support from the wrong person

Two things stretched my credulity more than the general 'this is nuts' situation:

1. when he finally came to the UK she still accepted his excuses not to meet for a while
2. He got his ex wife pregnant and kirat didn't seem to see that was infidelity!

I wonder if she knew, on a level. Was too far in to admit it to herself.

Is that the one with Vicky Pattison? I’m listening to that at them moment OMG

Ok so I’ve watched it now.

I have a few thoughts (some of which I had forgotten about from when I’ve listened to the podcast):

• Simran actually needs some serious consequences- she has fucked up SO MANY lives… Bobby, his wife, Kirat’s parents, Kirat’s cousins and wider family, the poor little baby involved, Kirat of course. It’s fucking apocalyptic.
• the way Simran got all of the information, she is a stalker! She should be treated as one.
• Kirat is so beautiful, and obviously very kind. She could have a beautiful life and it’s such a shame all of this happened.
• I wonder if Simran actually had something against Sanj (Bobby’s wife)? Because a lot of the manipulation seems pointed towards making her seem like a nasty person or someone to be resentful towards.

• Bobby is fit 😂

She was incredibly stupid & naive. That she believed the witness protection stuff was ridiculous. Some women need to be saved from themselves. I really hate the emphasis from some cultures on women needing to be married & having children by a certain age. It’s just so regressive,

I do think Bobby, whose name and face and family are all over the media, has got a bit lost in all this. I know he wasn't aware at the time but he certainly is now and none of it was anything at all to do with him. He and his family are victims too.

I actually know the real Bobby as a patient in his professional capacity and have done for over ten years. A quick Google of him would have shown he was alive and well and working in Sussex! I can't believe a seemingly intelligent woman would not have done that

It would also have shown that he's a dentist, not a cardiologist.

Having watched Indian Matchmaking (Matchmaker?) the idea of a match with a person located on another continent as long as they were from a good family/equal in status family seems completely normal.

poor Kirat has a core of resilience alongside her vulnerability. Another person might have hidden away for a long time after this. She has chosen to highlight her story in as public a way as one can. No hiding now Simran.

Id love to see Sima Auntie help Kirat find a match. Or a friend at least.

It would be bizarre if she still believed that. It would suggest she hasn’t fully understood what catfishing is, and that Bobby knew what was going on and was somehow complicit.

Watched the Netflix thing last night and have listened to the podcast previously. It's a wild ride and you do wonder how she got so suckered in for so long but the catfisher created a whole network of social media contacts, many of whom were personally known to Kirat or who were a once-removed contact, so a friend of a cousin, or a colleague of someone. She had no reason to disbelieve all these people who were all chatting amongst each other and backing each other up. Although obviously it came out that it was all fake, it would seem unbelievable when you're in it that it was ALL fake, everyone was fake and you couldn't take any of it at face value.

Simran is a piece of work and the unsatisfying thing is that we are never told why or her motive. It might have started as a schoolgirl prank as she claims but she continued for years and years when she was well aware of the effect it was all having on her cousin. She must have spent hours a day being all these different people to manipulate Kirat. What was she getting out of it? Just twisted.

Do feel sorry for Kirat that she has probably lost her chance of being a mother, which is all she had ever wanted.

I think someone found Simran online to be an investment banker at Barclays which, if true, makes you wonder how she found the time to do all of it.

I wondered exactly that. She's probably extremely intelligent, perhaps pathologically so.

And yes to Kiran having probably missed her chance of being a mother, @KnottedTwine. That made me sad for her.

On the podcast, they mention they spoke to someone went on a hen do with Simran and this girl mentioned that Simran either cried off or came back early from one of the nights out. Simran claimed work calls I think, and she seems, from what they can say, to have the sort of job where this could be plausible.

However given the date and time it's suggested that this was so she could spin her web. This is how Simran kept control of Kirat. By letting herself be consumed, too. Keeping track of all that back story must've been like plotting War and Peace. It can't have been quick easy or simple to do.