Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sweet Bobby - My Catfish Nightmare on Netflix. SPOILERS

157 replies

WTF0 · 17/10/2024 22:53

Posting on here for traffic!

So I understand this documentary was based on a podcast so I’m sure some people may know the story already but what the actual FUCK?!

I wish I could say that I felt sorry for her but I just couldn’t. How do you manage to have a friendship and then romantic relationship with someone online for so long? The fact that her cousin was behind it all was so fucked up but I find it even more fucked up that her family just accepted her being engaged to someone online.

My thoughts are all over the place because I just don’t understand how you can be so desperate to be in a relationship with someone that common sense goes out of the window. As for the cousin, pure evil.

Has anyone else watched it yet?

OP posts:
Lentilweaver · 18/10/2024 13:11

Perhaps she's not expecting sympathy but just wants to bring about change in laws against catfishing.

Amyknows · 18/10/2024 13:13

I'm also of Asian culture (not Sikh but similar ) and families also connect with the other family very early on. Very early on. So this family not meeting with each other for 10 years, is just absurd.
The flags were there in the beginning. The shooting and witness protection was just so ridiculous- zero sympathy for her believing that BS.

Lentilweaver · 18/10/2024 13:15

They didn't have a romantic relationship for 10 yrs. He was married to other women. Only in the last few years.

Karmaisagod · 18/10/2024 13:31

@Lentilweaver , there seemed to be a lot of kudos associated with being with Bobby - Kirat describes his family several times as well known and well respected in the community, and he describes his lifestyle as "hoity toity". I wondered if that was a factor.

She also mentions offers of help finding a husband - to me that shows that not knowing your future husband beforehand is a possibility, and perhaps another factor.

mnaab · 18/10/2024 13:49

Where can I find the podcast?

Original poster
WTF0 · 18/10/2024 14:33

SandandSky · 18/10/2024 09:37

This is a show now!?!??? I know what I’ll have on today 😂

I was so hooked on the podcast, I really felt for her. It sounds crazy but you could really see how it was so insidious and a slow burn kind of thing, and the devastating impact on her life was so sad.

I may listen to the podcast as quite a few people said they viewed her differently after hearing the story spread across 6 episodes. Apparently the documentary is quite rushed in comparison

OP posts:
Original poster
WTF0 · 18/10/2024 14:34

cheezncrackers · 18/10/2024 09:41

BEWARE - CONTAINS SPOILERS:

I haven't watched the Netflix show, but I did listen to the Sweet Bobby podcast and it was seriously one of the most bonkers things I've ever listened to. The catfish was extremely extensive and complex, but the mental gymnastics that the victim performed in order to keep going with this supposed relationship were mind-boggling. The most utterly incredible bit of it, for me, was when she bumped into Bobby in a nightclub in Brighton and he didn't have a clue who she was. Yet following that seeming 'lightbulb' moment, she STILL got sucked back into the catfish and continued to believe in her relationship with Bobby for several years more.

The catfisher came up with the most ludicrous scenarios and explanations for why they could never meet, why they couldn't speak, etc, and the victim, while occasionally thinking 'Hang on a minute ...' was then sucked back in. When it comes to complex frauds I often think that the victims are slightly somehow complicit and in Kirat's case, I think the thought that it had all been a lie, that she wasn't getting married, that Bobby had no idea who she was, was all just too much for her to face. And maybe her culture was a big part of that - the pressure to marry, to be in a relationship, to follow the cultural norms - I think it all fed into her desire to believe that yes, improbable as it was, this relationship was real.

I think you’re spot on!

OP posts:
Original poster
WTF0 · 18/10/2024 14:35

MrsMurphyIWish · 18/10/2024 12:44

I have just watched this and was hooked.

Agree that a study on Simran would be fascinating - what did she gain from doing it? The level of deception was immense.

Imagine being the real Bobby and his wife on the day that Kirat turned up. I would be petrified! And Kirat, she must have thought she was mad.

The fact that she mentioned Bobby’s wife visiting his parents in London when they live all the way in Brighton, that must have been so scary!! I don’t think Kirat’s cousin ever thought she would have hired a private investigator to find out where he really lives

OP posts:
SandandSky · 18/10/2024 14:35

WTF0 · 18/10/2024 14:33

I may listen to the podcast as quite a few people said they viewed her differently after hearing the story spread across 6 episodes. Apparently the documentary is quite rushed in comparison

Show quote history

I think there’s also something to be said for having to wait a week to hear each episode (at the time) - it meant you had time between episodes to think about it and formulate

ichineeyou · 18/10/2024 14:37

Karmaisagod · 18/10/2024 13:31

@Lentilweaver , there seemed to be a lot of kudos associated with being with Bobby - Kirat describes his family several times as well known and well respected in the community, and he describes his lifestyle as "hoity toity". I wondered if that was a factor.

She also mentions offers of help finding a husband - to me that shows that not knowing your future husband beforehand is a possibility, and perhaps another factor.

Definitely. I think Bobby’s family’s wealth and standing in the community and his flashy lifestyle was definitely attractive to Kirit.

Their families however didn’t move in the same social circles otherwise this ruse would have all unravelled.

Original poster
WTF0 · 18/10/2024 14:37

Karmaisagod · 18/10/2024 13:31

@Lentilweaver , there seemed to be a lot of kudos associated with being with Bobby - Kirat describes his family several times as well known and well respected in the community, and he describes his lifestyle as "hoity toity". I wondered if that was a factor.

She also mentions offers of help finding a husband - to me that shows that not knowing your future husband beforehand is a possibility, and perhaps another factor.

It was 100% a factor. If he was some random Sikh that no one really knew and worked in Tesco, I highly doubt her family would have been encouraging her to marry him. It’s all about presentation and how one appears to the outside community. It’s shameful really

OP posts:
wizzywig · 18/10/2024 14:39

As other posters have said, this kind of drama and story is 'normal' for some asians. I mean, I raised an eyebrow, but I know plenty of asian people who have fallen for these invisible men. We are raised on bollywood stuff. Typically yes her family were unsupportive of her grief. Maybe simran will get conveniently married off/ doing a 'big/ important' job somewhere abroad.

wizzywig · 18/10/2024 14:43

Just to add, there are plenty of people on MN who have been tricked and manipulated by their loved ones who they actually do see in real life. If a person is changing their voice and using various disguises and meeting in real life (as simran did do) , then I can see why she did fall for it .

TheShellBeach · 18/10/2024 14:49

I thought she was mad to allow the 24/7 open Skype!
And all the controlling shit.

Surely she wasn't so desperate for a husband that she'd allow all that?

And when she finally met him face to face she didn't ask him how he'd recovered so well from his massive stroke!

KimberleyClark · 18/10/2024 15:42

I listened to the podcast and did have trouble believing anyone could be so naive over such a long period of time.

There is another podcast on BBC sounds called Love Bombed which deals with romance scammers.

MrsMurphyIWish · 18/10/2024 16:18

TheShellBeach · 18/10/2024 14:49

I thought she was mad to allow the 24/7 open Skype!
And all the controlling shit.

Surely she wasn't so desperate for a husband that she'd allow all that?

And when she finally met him face to face she didn't ask him how he'd recovered so well from his massive stroke!

The more you think about it, the more unbelievable it is. All I can imagine is that she was desperately lonely.

BustingBaoBun · 18/10/2024 16:32

I did think the podcast (which I listened to when it first came out) was much more detailed... I just don't remember the witness protection bit, can anyone who listened to the podcast confirm that this bit was in it?

It was incredible to think she was taken in like this. I think Simran was jealous of Kirat... she was a successful DJ and for whatever reason, she wanted to hurt her.
I found it awful that, at one point, Kirat and Simran were out for a meal together and Simran was messaging as Bobby to Kirat whilst sat opposite her. What a complete bitch.

We will never know the motive.

Karmaisagod · 18/10/2024 16:40

Yes, @BustingBaoBun , the witness protection thing was in the podcast. I agree it was a lot more detailed, and I think some stuff got lost in the detail. For example, I'd forgotten about the baby clothes stuff, which was pure machiavellian evil shit.

LLresident · 18/10/2024 16:52

Seemed like the pressure from her community to be married got her into this mess.

BustingBaoBun · 18/10/2024 17:27

Many people who have reviewed the NF doc have said that if you haven't heard the podcast, you just think of Kirat as a stupid deluded woman, whereas the podcast goes into greater detail about the manipulation and deception and you actually feel sorry for Kirat
I agree with that

Unicorntastic · 18/10/2024 17:47

If I'm honest I lost sympathy for her at the end when she was summing up, 8 years and she never met him? Didn't the parents think they should have said something beforehand? She couldn't believe it wasn't a crime but in law it isn't there's nothing tangible lost there, I don't disagree with her that it should be but she seemed to be blaming everyone else but herself and ofcourse the cousin!
Bobby is very handsome though and I feel sorry for him and his family too.

TheShellBeach · 18/10/2024 18:16

I can't believe she didn't mind that his supposed ex had a baby!
She just forgave him.

And didn't she wonder how he impregnated her, seeing as he was meant to be in intensive care with gunshot wounds, then a massive stroke?

cariadlet · 18/10/2024 20:42

mnaab · 18/10/2024 13:49

Where can I find the podcast?

I listened on BBC Sounds.

OP posts:
Original poster
WTF0 · 18/10/2024 20:52

TheShellBeach · 18/10/2024 14:49

I thought she was mad to allow the 24/7 open Skype!
And all the controlling shit.

Surely she wasn't so desperate for a husband that she'd allow all that?

And when she finally met him face to face she didn't ask him how he'd recovered so well from his massive stroke!

The 24/7 open Skype thing was absolutely bonkers. And to think he wasn’t even saying anything back! Just a few grunts here and there and some taps on the keyboard. What the actual hell

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread