Sweet Bobby - My Catfish Nightmare on Netflix. SPOILERS

[WTF0]

Posting on here for traffic!

So I understand this documentary was based on a podcast so I’m sure some people may know the story already but what the actual FUCK?!

I wish I could say that I felt sorry for her but I just couldn’t. How do you manage to have a friendship and then romantic relationship with someone online for so long? The fact that her cousin was behind it all was so fucked up but I find it even more fucked up that her family just accepted her being engaged to someone online.

My thoughts are all over the place because I just don’t understand how you can be so desperate to be in a relationship with someone that common sense goes out of the window. As for the cousin, pure evil.

Has anyone else watched it yet?

The Brighton thing was weird. Why wouldn't she just have a decent conversation with him?
I understand the cultural pressures, but there should have been a point in all that time where things felt off.

Simran is a psychopath and probably should be studied. Who knows how she maintained all those different profiles and sent messages simultaneously whilst carving out a successful career.

I just don’t understand how Kirat didn’t click as soon as the fake younger brother died. That would have been talked about if it was true in the community.

Also, all the late night Skype calls, listening to tapping and grunting. How she could believe such things without having an actual vocal conversation? But seeing as radio presenting is her hobby, she’s probably used to droning on to herself. Ultimately, Kirat didn’t want to let go of the idea that this attractive and wealthy man was interested in her. Even after he’d had a baby with someone else, she still wanted to pursue him.

It's easy to watch the story and realise something is obviously wrong but you've got to remember her own cousin knew him and vouched for him. The web of lies was so huge that she thought there were many, many real people corroborating the stories.

It sounds absolutely horrific for her and the more deeply I think about it the worse it gets.

As for why she did it? I'd imagine there are some very serious mental health issues going on there.

Oh and the thing with the baby clothes, again just made it more realistic.

Imagine your cousin, someone you have no reason not to trust, was telling you they were there with your friend in the hospital after they got shot, that they visited them in New York and picked up a t-shirt etc! I can see why that would be convincing.

Yes if I started speaking to a random online and all these things came up I'd tell them where to go. But if a Facebook friend that I know is a real person from my community had these things happen and a family member was confirming it was true I think it would take longer to click (although at times during the program I was definitely rolling my eyes at some of the things "Bobby" had happen to him)

Loneliness, naïveté or a longing for whatever it is that they've dreamt about having.
I think anyone could be susceptible to believing what they want to hear given the right circumstances.

@WTF0 I strongly disagree with your viewpoint, and find it extremely unkind towards Kirat, as well as highly culturally insensitive.

For those of us who feel genuine sympathy for the victim and her gigantic ordeal, and who are able to understand how she was taken in, given the cultural pressures and expectations, and the incredible web of lies her psychopath of a cousin wove - using real people, creating a massive cast of supporting characters, etc.: it occurred to me as I was watching (having listened to the podcast a couple of years ago), that perhaps Simran had a crush on Bobby (having gone out with his brother), and this was her weird addled mind's way of enacting it.

I only got through half of this before I gave up in sheer frustration.

Yes to everything you have all said!

Jeez, think my 1st clue would've been the evacuation to New York under the Witness Protection Program. Really? Culture shouldn't come into it, that was plainly inexplicable and should've raised many flags.

Off to find something better on Netflix. I just paid my monthly fee which I can barely afford... there must be something better to watch. Sheesh!

Her cousin who was behind all of this was definitely some sort of master manipulator. They knew to create all these fake profiles so that people would be whispering in her ear to tell her that Bobby loves her really. I’m not doubting any of that at all.

BUT, if you’ve only met someone once (I say met but she didn’t really meet him did she? She came across him in a nightclub) in the whole 10 years of having an online friendship/relationship, you do need to start thinking why that is. Why/how someone would even be content with that is what I find so frustrating. This didn’t need to happen at all

100%

Sounds like you understand a part of Sikh culture very well. The pressure to marry is immense. I'm not saying that's a good thing! Cat fishing absolutely wasn't as well known a phenomena is it is now. It was only first used in the media in 2010 which is when Kirat first met Bobby.
She was of course hugely naive but desperation causes blindness

Thank you for reminding me of the cousin’s name! Simran is mentally unstable and it’s very disappointing that the police didn’t do anything about it. I mean, I’m not quite sure what they could have done, but she needs a lot of help.

I also think that if Kirat or her mum had mentioned the engagement to Kirat’s dad, he would have uncovered this whole bullshit in a second. He probably would have tried to book a flight to Kenya to meet the family and it all would have unraveled.

Yes, even the whole baby thing! I completely forgot about that. I can see how she must have thought she was too deep in to end things but come on, he had a whole baby!

This is a show now!?!??? I know what I’ll have on today 😂

I was so hooked on the podcast, I really felt for her. It sounds crazy but you could really see how it was so insidious and a slow burn kind of thing, and the devastating impact on her life was so sad.

You find it culturally insensitive that I have minimal sympathy for a woman that was engaged to someone via an online relationship for 10 years? Okay then!

BEWARE - CONTAINS SPOILERS:

I haven't watched the Netflix show, but I did listen to the Sweet Bobby podcast and it was seriously one of the most bonkers things I've ever listened to. The catfish was extremely extensive and complex, but the mental gymnastics that the victim performed in order to keep going with this supposed relationship were mind-boggling. The most utterly incredible bit of it, for me, was when she bumped into Bobby in a nightclub in Brighton and he didn't have a clue who she was. Yet following that seeming 'lightbulb' moment, she STILL got sucked back into the catfish and continued to believe in her relationship with Bobby for several years more.

The catfisher came up with the most ludicrous scenarios and explanations for why they could never meet, why they couldn't speak, etc, and the victim, while occasionally thinking 'Hang on a minute ...' was then sucked back in. When it comes to complex frauds I often think that the victims are slightly somehow complicit and in Kirat's case, I think the thought that it had all been a lie, that she wasn't getting married, that Bobby had no idea who she was, was all just too much for her to face. And maybe her culture was a big part of that - the pressure to marry, to be in a relationship, to follow the cultural norms - I think it all fed into her desire to believe that yes, improbable as it was, this relationship was real.

Exactly. I can actually believe being stabbed in Kenya for whatever reason but then moving to New York to be under witness protection? Witness protection where they’re given a whole new identity yet you know what continent he’s on and he can still speak to you? When 1+1=3, you need to start questioning why!

Haha there’s definitely some good stuff on Netflix, enjoy!

Tbh African/West Indian culture and Asian culture are quite similar in some aspects. From a young age, it’s drilled into women that they must marry and must have kids as that’s the point of their entire existence. I wish it wasn’t the case.

Kirat had two jobs and seemed really successful and happy in herself, if she didn’t have this expectation held over her head, I think things could have been different for her.

In regards to catfishing, maybe you’re right. But still, you haven’t spoken to the man over the phone, done a skype call where he’s showed his face, met up with him or anything?! Over the course of years?! It’s unbelievable really

I first listened to, then watched, a clearly intelligent, kind, warm-hearted, lively woman be sucked into an atrociously cruel scheme. Yes, I found it frustrating, but not one ounce of that frustration was directed at her. Whether we understand it or not, whether we feel we'd have wised up to it much sooner - it did happen, to her. She deserves only my sympathy, and I admire for being brave enough to have her shame and embarrassment widely publicised in order to try and get the law changed and protect others.

Whoever said that Simran is worthy of close study is absolutely right. This is the part that interests me most: the WHY and the HOW. There must have been spreadsheets involved, for starters.

Just watched this. Ultimately she was a victim, but god she was naive.

I’m quite thankful to @Lentilweaver for mentioning the Sikh aspect of it. I had honestly never considered this aspect. I’m not Asian nor am I close to the culture beyond having Indian/pakistani (and other Asian) colleagues.

it definitely provides more understanding to the programme and has made me more understanding of Kirat’s situation and the nuances of culture.

I have just watched this and was hooked.

Agree that a study on Simran would be fascinating - what did she gain from doing it? The level of deception was immense.

Imagine being the real Bobby and his wife on the day that Kirat turned up. I would be petrified! And Kirat, she must have thought she was mad.

I think the podcast did a much better job of showing how she got sucked into this whole nightmare. Also how much it took over her life and how being part of the Sikh community made it easier for Simran to manipulate her.

The documentary didn't really focus on Simran much (I can imagine why, she hasn't committed any crime inexplicably!) but she needs some serious help. If I remember her family closed ranks and she just walked away with very little consequences.

Thanks. I am not saying this facet of Asian culture is a good thing . It's a very bad thing.
Things are changing though but Kirat's family clearly old-school and she seemed fairly traditional.

Perhaps it's time to start dating non sikhs, and widen her dating pool

Well I would as an Asian, but I am not religious. At all.

Intercultural dating is challenging though
My mum is going to be living with me in a few years and I don't know a non-Asian who would put up with that.

If you are that stupid then you really can't expect any sympathy. This irritated me as much as the Tinder swindler one. Stupid, stupid women.

So this lady doesn't question the witness protection? Doesn't ask how a friend can access him? He's shot yet can type but can't send her pictures of him.
Bright red flags in front of you, and you don't question or do any due diligence. This is entirely on her. For ten years, yup on her.