Visitors after giving birth

[PermanentlyTired03]

I’m currently expecting DC2, and mentioned to my husband whilst we were talking about preparing for a newborn (food in freezer, washing done etc) that I didn’t want anyone visiting for the first week or so. I’m having a C-section and I know I’ll be sore, knackered, milk coming in etc and would rather be able to sit around in my pjs making no effort. My in-laws aren’t the sort of people you can do this around! I said I don’t want to host people, feel uncomfortable and have photos taken (all based on experience of having DD). He said I was being a bit of a toddler about it. Personally I think he wants to keep the peace with his parents. I know they’ll want to come over immediately and I get it’s a new grandchild for them but what about me? They aren’t the sort to pop in for an hour and know their boundaries. AIBU?

It seems a bit all or nothing and I think it’s a shame not to share the excitement. Can your husband not be VERY firm and clear about short visits only.

Is it worth having them visit once ahile you’re in hospital and you can make it easier to get them to leave? Your DH is being an arse calling you a toddler.

Why not invite them to visit in hospital? Get it over with then(short visiting hours!) it will be more acceptable to keep them away once you get home. Dh needs a swift kick in the nuts to remind him you won't feel comfortable sat around entertaining...

☝🏼

If they do come, feel free to take the baby up to your room to "breastfeed" (and nap) after an hour.

Who’s having DD when you have your new baby?

Cool. Will your husband be the host with the most, the next time he has a c section?! Bet he won’t be! So he needs to not be rude and accept during your recovery you might not want to putting on a full face of make up and making everyone’s drinks

For the record after my c section l wore pyjamas for the first week or so. C section site hurt plus could barely walk -legs were very swollen and stairs were hard. So didn’t do any hosting. People popped round briefly but that was it

If he won't prioritise your needs when you've just had a baby and gone through major surgery then when will he? He sounds pretty selfish really.

Probably not a popular view on here, but I think it's mean not to let the grandparents meet the baby asap. It's a special time for everyone and cutting people out just creates ill will. Obviously I'm not referring to abusive people but normal family relationships, which can have their ups and downs.

Letting them come to the hospital is a good way of letting them meet the baby but keeping the visit short.

Do you have family? Will the same rule apply to them?

Mummy and baby come first
If he wants to do the hosting maybe they can pop round for an hour while you have a nap upstairs ?
Or maybe they can get the shopping in for your or mop the floor or bring a takeaway over to help?

Think the hospital idea sounds good. As the nurses should chuck them out after a short time .

Ah they will be excited. I think the idea of them coming to the hospital is a good one if you don’t want them at home. I had 4 sections and actually liked having visitors because it broke the day up a bit. My MIL was housebound though so we always visited her on day 2.
Are they looking after your dd when you are in hospital?

Im also pregnant with DC2, and plan on giving time slots to our immediate family. So I'll text my family when we get home and say "call between 2 and 3" and text my partners family and say "call between half 3 and half 4". This is what we did the last time and it worked well, everyone did adhere to it. We weren't strict on it or anal about it but just knew our immediate family would be anxious to see the new baby.

Is that how you operate your life? If you're comfortable whipping your breasts out to bf in front of your own mum then it's only fair for FIL to have a gawp too right? Don't want to offend the in-laws.

First week after my section was pants only week (it was a heat wave to be fair). If you could handle me in my post-surgery pants and leaky breast bra then by all means drop by, if not then week 2 it is for you. No one complained because they cared about mine and the baby’s wellbeing and were kind enough to give us time to bond and settle rather than making my giving birth to our child all about them. We started seeing more family from week 2 and it was lovely and I felt like I had more to give. Also DD was still only 2 wks old, it’s not like they missed major milestones!

My in laws visited at the hospital as I was in overnight after a c section, that worked well as it kept it short and sweet. They then couldn’t moan when I went home we didn’t see them for a week or so.

I gave birth last year and I was only allowed 2 visitors during visiting hour. This means that OP's hospital might be the same. I chose my parents and I felt comforted by them after a long labour. Mil wasn't happy about waiting a few days but I didn't care.

Yeah sounds like letting them visit at the hospital may be a good compromise as a way of giving yourself more time when you get home.

I'm with you OP. I had no visitors for a week with my first baby a few weeks ago, also a C section, and am planning to do the same again when our next baby arrives in a few months.

You will never get this time back again. It's up to you and your husband to work out how to best prioritise what is best for your family of four, but I really think given you are also recovering from major surgery your wishes are key.

I also wanted privacy establishing breastfeeding, didn't want to be entertaining post surgery and just didn't care so much what other people thought. There were a few raised eyebrows but all was soon forgotten once they met baby a short week later.

Do what is right for you!

I think I would have grandparents for a short visit - you just need to be clear and say we'd love you to pop in for an hour but that you are recovering from a c section and won't be up to much. Nothing wrong with pj's and make sure DH is in charge of providing cups of tea and making sure they don't outstay their welcome. Just say it's feeding/nap time for you and baby now and disappear off upstairs!

Everyone's family / in laws are different. If they can't be trusted not to come round with a lasagne, do some laundry and then leave after an hour then don't have them.

I will accept all food graciously but jesus I wouldn't expect anyone to do laundry! 😅

Because looking shit and whipping your engorged tits out around your mum is the same as around your PIL right? And PIL the OP has already explained aren't ok with her being in her PJs and unkemp

If this also applies to your family, the. I don't see why not.

But seems a shame to miss out of the excitement of people meeting baby. Stay I. Your pjs and sod what they think xxx

Put your foot down. A new baby will still be a new baby in a week so grandparents will have to contain their excitement until then. I don’t think being grandparents give them any more rights in that initial period than anyone else. Your recovery is the priority here. I do think people forget that because of baby but in no other circumstance where you’ve had an invasive medical procedure would you be made to accept visitors unless you wanted them. Your husband can sod off.

I gave birth in June and had an episiotomy and MIL visited day 2 which I hated. I was exhausted, emotional and in pain. The last thing I needed was someone coming to the house. If there is a next time I will be more firm with DP in regard to visitors.

Your parents are different because they are there to support you (in most cases). Most mums need their mums for emotional and physical support after childbirth - it’s natural.