Visitors after giving birth

[PermanentlyTired03]

I’m currently expecting DC2, and mentioned to my husband whilst we were talking about preparing for a newborn (food in freezer, washing done etc) that I didn’t want anyone visiting for the first week or so. I’m having a C-section and I know I’ll be sore, knackered, milk coming in etc and would rather be able to sit around in my pjs making no effort. My in-laws aren’t the sort of people you can do this around! I said I don’t want to host people, feel uncomfortable and have photos taken (all based on experience of having DD). He said I was being a bit of a toddler about it. Personally I think he wants to keep the peace with his parents. I know they’ll want to come over immediately and I get it’s a new grandchild for them but what about me? They aren’t the sort to pop in for an hour and know their boundaries. AIBU?

I completely agree. One of my reasons for actually postponing visitors was people coming to fawn over my baby, with little consideration to the fact I would be recovering from major surgery as the person who had given birth to the baby.

You are being completely reasonable.
I felt exactly the same as you, told my husband and his reaction was almost identical.
In the end, I literally stayed in bed with DD for two weeks. I struggled with bf and an infection in my c section wound and would not have been able to manage with visits from my MIL who everyone has to wait on.
I showed him the article Steph from Don’t Buy Her Flowers wrote and finally he got it.
Trust your gut, it’s your time to bond. You don’t need the hassle xx

https://www.dontbuyherflowers.com/motherhood/pulling-up-the-drawbridge/

This was the article I literally read out to my husband xx

Get them to visit in hospital - visiting times are short and then they can leave.
I had loads of visitors when I got home (also post c section) and I wish I had been more firm looking back. People obviously with good intentions kept taking my baby off me and when you've got really bad baby blues, limited mobility and in pain this is really difficult to deal with.

This Topic comes up so often on here and I always think the same.
People who want to deny their parents the chance to see their new borns must absolutely hate their parents and in-laws and be utterly selfish and self obsessed.
I remember the joy in my parents faces when they held this tiny thing and think it would have been downright cruel to deny them that for a week or more.
and the mums who are happy to let their parents visit but not their husbands parents, seriously what utter bitches.
just to be clear if you are not up to visitors that’s totally fair enough, go to bed and then your parents and in-laws can see and cuddle the baby downstairs with your partner. You certainly don’t need to be up and dressed and looking glamorous or waiting on them at all.

You certainly don’t need to be up and dressed and looking glamorous or waiting on them at all.

That's the point @Gymrabbit , some in laws will expect that. The OP allowed her in laws over with her first child and specifically has learned from that experience that she'll have to be photographed and play host if they are there.

Newborns don’t go stale. They’ll still be newborn in one week, two weeks, or god forbid, more.

I had a long labour ending in an EMCS then several days backwards and forwards to hospital with complications. After a week we started to have visits and it was too soon, I felt like I’d been run over and didn’t enjoy the visits at all. No that didn’t include my DM, who was helping me get to grips with breastfeeding, the searing pain in my wound and the catheter bag I came home with. People who can’t see the difference between a DM being there to help vs in-laws visiting are hard of thinking.

OP, you are the most important person in this situation. Keeping you comfortable and at ease is best for you and best for your new baby. I’d find it hard to respect a partner who called you a name rather than tried to protect you at such a
vulnerable time.

I say do what you want! It's your baby

I think you're entirely reasonable to want to be left alone for the first week or so. Your husband is an arse. Everyone can wait.

🙄

Speaking of utter bitches..

OP, if that's what you want then put your foot down.

As PP have said your baby will still be a newborn in a week, and if the GPs think their relationship with their DGC will be so damaged by them not being there in the first 7 days.. Well, then it's just a control issue isn't it.

*muggart *

The OP is certainly perfectly happy to demand things so all she needs to do is say she’ll be wearing what she wants and retiring to her room for a bit. If the in laws don’t like it they know why they can do and then it will be them choosing to not see the baby.
the issue is that some new mothers are so neurotic they cannot envisage being away from their baby for half an hour even in the same house so the in laws visit has to involve them.

Exactly. My MIL expects to be waited on hand and foot. When my son was born she expected meals, drinks and wouldn’t give me privacy to breastfeed (infact she sent other family members up to my bedroom where she knew I was feeding so they could meet him asap rather than wait 30 mins or so). Some of my most stressful moments that I recall in that newborn period involve her and I wasn’t about to do it again.

So true.
People who aren't respectful enough to wait until you are ready are unlikely to be respectful of your boundaries when they visit.

But if she's happy to 'demand' things she might as well 'demand' whatever is in her best interests, if she's going to be seen as demanding anyway!

You can't argue that it's on her to set her own boundaries but that her boundaries have to be the ones that suit other people.

Typically when people have medical problems or surgeries we accept that they can come first for a few days at least. I really struggle to see how the needs of an injured, exhausted, patient in pain - because that is what she will be - are less important than the needs of some demanding in-laws who want to coo over a baby IMMEDIATELY. They can wait.

Oh grow up.