To have put it on fb?

[Raindropskeepfallinonmyhead]

Elderly relative had a big birthday last week. We are a tiny family so l took on the lion's share of organising everything and went all out with a gift, meals and a lovely day out doing something she has been wanting to do for ages. Spent a fortune but just wanted to make her happy. She told everyone from waiters to people on the train that she was celebrating her big birthday so l thought it was ok to not keep it a secret. Did a little fb post saying happy birthday with a lovely picture of her which in hindsight was stupid of me cos she's not on there but one of her neighbours saw it and she has had a proper pop at me tonight and told me to take it down immediately. Said l have really upset her by doing that which l am mortified about.
Feel like shit now after what was such a lovely few days and think l have ruined all the memories we made. Aarrgghh why did l do that?

Who did you upset by posting it? The neighbour? Or is the neighbour saying you upset your relative by posting it?

Sorry the relative is upset

Maybe take this as a moment to decide that not everything has to go on Facebook.

I don't post much at all to be fair

Then maybe post nothing!

Ok thanks for your help👍

Look I don’t post much on Facebook and I ask permission if it’s not relating to me - was my parents’ golden wedding anniversary recently and I asked their permission to post a pic. That being said, if she was telling everyone it was her birthday I can totally see why you posted it.

remember you did it with good intentions. Just take it down and don’t think too much more about it.

you were very kind in the first place to make a fuss over her birthday - many people are not this lucky. 😊

I have a sibling who does this - every single iota of their life is there for the world to see. Even if asked not to, yep if finds its way there via her. It's so tedious.

She will see it as an invasion of her privacy and is well within her rights to feel annoyed by it. The difference is with her telling people you came across is that it was her news to share, not yours, you shouldn't have assumed you could put it all over facebook when she isn't even on there, especially if you used a picture of her, there may be a reason she isn't on there.

Just apologise and tell her you made a big mistake and didn't intend to upset her, so you've now taken it down, hopefully she will forgive you and not let it overshadow the good time you had.

I do wonder why people feel compelled to post things like that though without people's consent, it seems to be more for you benefit than hers, if you were looking for acknowledgements of your efforts then her happiness should have been all you needed.

Thank you, l have taken it down now - we have put family pics on there before and it hasn't been an issue.

Been planning it for months and just wanted it to be nice for her.

Don't feel bad. You didn't mean any harm and were just sharing a nice moment

Thank you for saying that, l didn't mean any malice x

Don’t fret over it.

mumsnet will come on and give you a hard time but honestly I see birthday pics, baby pics, anniversaries all the time on Facebook. I’m just a bit shy tbh and don’t post much (also don’t do many exciting things) 🤣 but what I’m trying to say is that these posts are ten a penny.

I have apologised and l am forgiven - it wasn't for my benefit - l didn't plaster all over fb everything l have done because l don't need to. Like you say, her enjoying it was all l needed x

Oh good, glad she's forgiven you.. it could have been something as simple that she wanted to tell the neighbour about her excursion and the neighbour did the 'I know I've seen it on facebook already' routine, which is really annoying to people who aren't on there.

She sounds like she wanted to tell people herself and you may have inadvertently stole her thunder on a large scale.

It's a lesson learned op.

Don't post on a public forum pics of other people.

I had to ask my mum to stop posting pics of my kids online in their uniforms or outside our home that showed details etc.

I don't post that so nobody else should.

At least she accepted your apology

I’m not on FB, but a ‘friend’ of mine put my 50th birthday all over it using photos of me I’d never even seen!! (taken without my knowledge on previous nights out) I was not happy at all - it felt like there was part of me out there that I didn’t know about nor had any control over. Maybe your relative or her family felt a bit like I did?🤷‍♀️ People may mean well but sometimes it just doesn’t work out right.

You meant well, glad you are forgiven

You sound lovely! And you got a bit over excited and shared. You've taken it down and apologised. I wouldn't give it anymore head space.

Who did you apologize to? Have you spoken to or confirmed with gran that she was upset?

Yes l spoke with her yesterday and she told me herself

Did a little fb post saying happy birthday with a lovely picture of her which in hindsight was stupid of me cos she's not on there

Personally, I feel its bad form to put something on SM about a person if they don't use it themselves.

I'm on fb so I don't mind someone posting about me or tagging me on there but I wouldn't appreciate it if someone posted about me on a platform I didn't use and so wouldn't know about unless someone else told me.

Some people are very particular about social media particularly if it's not something they engage with themselves.
I once posted a picture of myself as a DC with both sets of DGPs who are long dead, my aunt made a special point of telling my cousin how awful it was and how my DGM wouldn't have wanted herself plastered all over FB. Other side of the family loved the picture though <shrug>. I took it down as I didn't mean to cause any offence to anyone and have learnt my lesson and only post clips of funny dogs now.

It doesn't matter if they are 10, 20, or 500 a penny. An image should not be shared without permission. The clue would be in the fact that in this instance, the relative is not on FB.
Even if someone has an account, their privacy settings may be very different to yours, so just because one sees the world and his uncle slapped all over social media, doesn't mean the rest of the world wants to share personal moments

Ok, well you've apologies and removed the post so hopefully you're all fine going forward.