To have put it on fb?

[Raindropskeepfallinonmyhead]

Elderly relative had a big birthday last week. We are a tiny family so l took on the lion's share of organising everything and went all out with a gift, meals and a lovely day out doing something she has been wanting to do for ages. Spent a fortune but just wanted to make her happy. She told everyone from waiters to people on the train that she was celebrating her big birthday so l thought it was ok to not keep it a secret. Did a little fb post saying happy birthday with a lovely picture of her which in hindsight was stupid of me cos she's not on there but one of her neighbours saw it and she has had a proper pop at me tonight and told me to take it down immediately. Said l have really upset her by doing that which l am mortified about.
Feel like shit now after what was such a lovely few days and think l have ruined all the memories we made. Aarrgghh why did l do that?

How would the fb post be ‘nice for her’, given that she’s not on fb?

I was talking about the whole birthday not just the fb part - sorry thought that was obvious

I wouldn’t fret. I don’t see why the neighbour had to get het up and take a ‘pop’ at you, when the relative could simply speak for themselves and tell you their pic needs to be taken down. These things happen.

Sorry it was the neighbour that told the relative she saw it was her bday on fb and the relative called me about it

Sounds like it was well intentioned OP. You did a nice thing planning her birthday and making a fuss.

I agree with PPs that it can feel a bit intrusive to have pictures shared without your knowledge when it's a platform you don't personally use. People can feel embarrassed or upset about personal information or images being shared. Her telling random people about her 'big birthday' is not the same as having something out there that confirms your age (and therefore DoB) to all and sundry.

If she's not in facebook you shouldn't have posted it.

Apologies I thought the neighbour stuck her beak in! Sorry she’s had a go at you, I agree with PP’s it sounds well intentioned and you clearly put effort into organising something nice for her. Don’t get yourself down over it, the pics down now and no harm done xx

Thank you for saying that, l have been feeling bad all day xx

If she's having a go at you over a picture after you spent a fortune on her then i wouldn't bother in future personally. If she's so upset by something so minor then I'd leave her to it. Let someone else put the time, effort and money into her. It'd be different if she phoned and just said would you mind taking it down - but to she didn't. She's really upset you too and she doesn't seem bothered about that so why should you give her so much head space? Fuck that.

I am a person who doesn't like my pic put up without permission. Any pics of family gatherings are usually generic ones of cakes or decorations or i wil post a pic of myself and my husband only stories its gone in 24 hours. Have selected who can see my stories. I wouldn't have been happy either however would have been more polite about it. My sis in law posts everything and even worse its on her business page, she put a pic up of me wishing me happy birthday, For the whole world to see. Not even a stories but a post. Had to politely ask her to take it down.

I'm sure your relative will forget about the photo soon and just remember the lovely day. It's an easy mistake to make, when half the population advertises every single detail of their lives including what they had for lunch!

I'm with @Jessie1259 tbh - you put in a lot of effort and all you did 'wrong' was to post a nice photo wishing her a happy birthday. The words your relative should be looking for are 'thank you'. I'd be cross in return tbh and less inclined to put myself out in future.

It's not comparable to posting pics of children in school uniforms in identifiable locations or posting unflattering photos. It was just one, nice post. Dont feel bad OP.

It sounds as though your intentions were well meant so hopefully this will easily blow over.

But do remember that some people loathe FB with a passion. I’m one of them. I have never ever posted anything, have no profile pic and only joined as sometimes you have to in order to be able to access the FB pages of a local business, shop etc who only message via their fb site.

I don’t want my clients (I run my own business) to see personal photos and messages that reflect my personal life. I know many others who never post anything either.

I am upset, you're right and whilst l don't regret making it a lovely week for her, l do have a slightly bitter taste in my mouth for receiving such a dressing down.

Ok get down off your high horse before you get a nose bleed. As I said in my first post, I always ask permission but cut the OP some slack. Hardly the crime of the century.

Don't feel bad or worry about this further. Just remove the post.
Some people are extremely anti social media. You'll get a bunch of people here (ironically a social media site itself) telling you you shouldn't be on Facebook at all and you've stolen everyone's soul and handed it to paedophiles, every time you post someone's image...
In reality it's just best to ask people before posting pictures of them.
If you still want to post about an event but don't know how the person feels about it, just take a selfie and say 'had a great time at a relatives/friends birthday today' no need to name anyone or post anyone else's photo. Then you have your social media memory of the event but don't risk offending anyone.

My mother does this, puts random photos of people whose special days it is all over her FB feed with some terrible messages like "my gorgeous grandchild is 30 today, so lovely and all grown up" it's complete crap and drives everyone insane. Never asks for permission and can't seem to understand that people don't want their business plastered all over her social media.

I completely understand why you posted it OP, so many people do it and you just thought it would be nice. I think some people don’t quite understand facebook and don’t understand that you can have it set so that not the entire world can see everything- especially when so many people talk about someone putting something “all over Facebook” - that makes it sound very dramatic as if anyone one and everyone sees and shares it, whereas it’s often just someone has made a post on their own page which is visible to only friends! I think if you don’t have Facebook yourself, it probably sounds a bit scary. Try not to give it any more thought though, you weren’t to know how she’d react and just thought you were doing a nice thing.

Agree with this. Think the relative and the neighbour could've been more appreciative of your amazing efforts and been more tactful about it. Given she's old though I wouldn't worry too much - she'll be onto something else soon and just don't post anything else without checking. You still did a lovely thing for her and gave her and your family/friends some lovely memories so that's the main thing

I think pretty much everybody is happier after deleting Facebook.

I would be bloody annoyed to be spoken to like that about something so minor when you've been so nice. In the grand scheme of things who cares if a picture of her is on Facebook. People can see her any time she walks down the street. It's ok not to want pictures on there and ok to ask you to remove it but to have a go and be angry at an innocent mistake when you've been so lovely is just shitty.

Was her age mentioned? Maybe that rankled her

It’s not the end of the world and she won’t remember it: she will remember the fact you spoiled her.

Its partly generational I think: some elderly people find social media baffling and intrusive. Increasingly the etiquette of social media is a minefield today: some people document every cough and spit, others are protective to the point of preciousness. But nowadays I always ask, it’s not worth the grief not to.

Tedious, boring, attention seeking - actually it's all so utterly uncool to over share.

I wouldn't worry OP, and you're not plastering her all over social media so ignore those posts! It was a picture, it didn't go down well, it's gone now. No big deal. You sound very kind and she should be grateful for all you did. It was a misstep here, but loads of people would be delighted to have their relative gushing about their birthday online, so I understand it was with good intentions. Now you know! Leave it at that. Hope you enjoyed the celebrations as well.