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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think my husband is blaming me for his erectile dysfunction?

84 replies

PeachSwan · 16/10/2024 21:18

I don’t know what to think anymore, and I’m feeling completely torn. My husband has been having issues with maintaining an erection for the last few months. At first, I tried to be supportive and understanding, but lately, his attitude is really starting to upset me. Whenever it happens, he just laughs it off, but not in a self-deprecating way. Instead, he makes comments that feel like they’re aimed at me.

He’ll say things like, “Have you showered today?” or “Maybe you should see a doctor, you smell down there.” Or when we’re in bed, he’ll casually mention, “Your recent weight gain is really noticeable, those stomach rolls are visible now.” I’ve put on a little weight, but I didn’t think it was enough to be such a big deal.

Now I’m stuck wondering if he’s deflecting and trying to blame me for his problem, or if he’s genuinely lost attraction because of the weight gain and hygiene comments. I’ve never had issues with smell before, so this feels like a sudden, convenient excuse for him. AIBU to think he’s just passing the blame for his erectile dysfunction onto me, or is there something deeper going on that I’m not seeing?

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 16/10/2024 21:19

How old is he?

If he is having issues it's easier for him to blame you than talk to a Dr about what's happening to him

Motnight · 16/10/2024 21:21

He sounds vile. What does he add to your life?

PeachSwan · 16/10/2024 21:21

Theunamedcat · 16/10/2024 21:19

How old is he?

If he is having issues it's easier for him to blame you than talk to a Dr about what's happening to him

32

OP posts:
LettyToretto · 16/10/2024 21:21

He is absolutely projecting.

What an immature sod.

WolfFoxHare · 16/10/2024 21:23

What a dickhead. Has he been to the GP yet?

StormingNorman · 16/10/2024 21:23

Huge projection on to you. If he spoke to me like that, he wouldn’t be getting anywhere near my body.

PeachSwan · 16/10/2024 21:23

WolfFoxHare · 16/10/2024 21:23

What a dickhead. Has he been to the GP yet?

No imo he sort of denies there is a problem

OP posts:
BabyCloud · 16/10/2024 21:24

He shouldn’t be saying those things to you. We had similar problems at one point but he always reassured me it wasn’t me. It’s probably wrong but if he was nasty to me I would be nasty back.

DinosaurMunch · 16/10/2024 21:24

Has he got a porn addiction?

He sounds grim anyway

PeachSwan · 16/10/2024 21:25

DinosaurMunch · 16/10/2024 21:24

Has he got a porn addiction?

He sounds grim anyway

No I don't believe so

OP posts:
Stormyweatheroutthere · 16/10/2024 21:26

Few reasons at his age...
Drugs.
Alcohol.
Antidepressants..

Or he is simply a useless twat.
No reason that would imply you are at fault at all though...

Stormyweatheroutthere · 16/10/2024 21:26

Tbh I would be tempted to laugh at him next time.
And make plans for a life without him in it.

Cosycover · 16/10/2024 21:26

Tell him and and his wee floppy willy to get to fuck.

WolfFoxHare · 16/10/2024 21:27

PeachSwan · 16/10/2024 21:23

No imo he sort of denies there is a problem

Next time he says you should see the GP, turn it round on him.

PeachSwan · 16/10/2024 21:27

Stormyweatheroutthere · 16/10/2024 21:26

Few reasons at his age...
Drugs.
Alcohol.
Antidepressants..

Or he is simply a useless twat.
No reason that would imply you are at fault at all though...

No to all 3.

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 16/10/2024 21:27

Wow. Give him short shrift and tell him to sleep elsewhere

DilettanteMum · 16/10/2024 21:28

He definitely is deflecting

WolfFoxHare · 16/10/2024 21:28

Stormyweatheroutthere · 16/10/2024 21:26

Few reasons at his age...
Drugs.
Alcohol.
Antidepressants..

Or he is simply a useless twat.
No reason that would imply you are at fault at all though...

I think prostate cancer can cause impotence too.

Lyannaa · 16/10/2024 21:29

Cosycover · 16/10/2024 21:26

Tell him and and his wee floppy willy to get to fuck.

This ^^

Nogaxeh · 16/10/2024 21:29

He's obviously upset about it, not unreasonably, but instead of being able to share his emotions with you he's lashing out. It's incredibly horrible of him.

There could be any one, or several, of many possible reasons for his erectile issues and being vile to you isn't going to help fix them.

I'm so sorry that he's been so weak as to react that way.

Yvawn · 16/10/2024 21:30

Those comments are horrible. LTB.

offyoujollywelltrot · 16/10/2024 21:30

Even if he wasn't having Erectile issues, are you really going to let him speak to you like that?!

Sapphire387 · 16/10/2024 21:31

32?! That's very young to have ED. He really ought to see the GP.

He's being very nasty deflecting this on to you. Believe me, you're not the problem. He's just trying to bring you down because he feels bad about himself. An awful character trait.

Crazyeight · 16/10/2024 21:31

Are you TTC? The pressure of that can cause it.

I would bin him if you are though, imagine what he will be like with a post-partum partner. An absolute cunt by the sounds of it!

AdoraBell · 16/10/2024 21:32

Tell him he urgently needs an attitude transplant.