to think my husband is blaming me for his erectile dysfunction?

[PeachSwan]

I don’t know what to think anymore, and I’m feeling completely torn. My husband has been having issues with maintaining an erection for the last few months. At first, I tried to be supportive and understanding, but lately, his attitude is really starting to upset me. Whenever it happens, he just laughs it off, but not in a self-deprecating way. Instead, he makes comments that feel like they’re aimed at me.

He’ll say things like, “Have you showered today?” or “Maybe you should see a doctor, you smell down there.” Or when we’re in bed, he’ll casually mention, “Your recent weight gain is really noticeable, those stomach rolls are visible now.” I’ve put on a little weight, but I didn’t think it was enough to be such a big deal.

Now I’m stuck wondering if he’s deflecting and trying to blame me for his problem, or if he’s genuinely lost attraction because of the weight gain and hygiene comments. I’ve never had issues with smell before, so this feels like a sudden, convenient excuse for him. AIBU to think he’s just passing the blame for his erectile dysfunction onto me, or is there something deeper going on that I’m not seeing?

It's very frightening to men to have ED and some will find it very difficult to talk to a GP about (assuming he can get an appointment). If he doesn't have morning erections that would suggest Primary dysfunction which needs medical treatment. If he does get morning erections then his ED is Secondary and needs psychological intervention in my opinion.

These vicious remarks are from your actual husband? He should take shame. You have put your living situation and your sense of well-being in this waste of skin. I am so sorry for what you're 'having' to put up with. 'Having' for now, that is. Start quietly planning your escape. He will never suddenly become a decent man. Give it time, and you will emerge from the shit storm that is this marriage. Best of luck.

If he spoke to me like that I would be vicious in my verbal retaliation about his problem.

He’s an abject arsehole.

I would not be with him any more.

I wouldn't let my husband come anywhere near me if he made such nasty and personal comments to me! Don't care if he's trying to deflect or not, it’s just not how you talk to someone you're meant to love.

I'd tell him that his erectile dysfunction is no longer a problem in our relationship, because I won't be having sex with him anyway!

Have a really good reflect on why he feels he needs to point out that your stomach rolls are visible and you’ve gained weight. Why choose to say that rather than say nothing? What do you supposedly gain from it? And now think about what he gains from saying it? If it were me, I’d be saying, “it’s really clear that you are ensuring that I know that you dislike parts of my body, and you’re doing it in a way that’s as insensitive as possible so that I feel shit. Rather than making me want to lose weight to please you, all it actually does it make me think I can do better than a man who is trying to destroy my confidence. So, do you want to leave but just haven’t got the balls?”

Seriously - I would absolutely be saying this to a cheater who then told me I was fat. Fucking joke of a man.

Is he having an affair and getting it elsewhere?

Whatever the reason, I wouldn’t be having sex ever again with a man who made derogatory comments about my body and insulted me.

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