to think my husband is blaming me for his erectile dysfunction?

[PeachSwan]

I don’t know what to think anymore, and I’m feeling completely torn. My husband has been having issues with maintaining an erection for the last few months. At first, I tried to be supportive and understanding, but lately, his attitude is really starting to upset me. Whenever it happens, he just laughs it off, but not in a self-deprecating way. Instead, he makes comments that feel like they’re aimed at me.

He’ll say things like, “Have you showered today?” or “Maybe you should see a doctor, you smell down there.” Or when we’re in bed, he’ll casually mention, “Your recent weight gain is really noticeable, those stomach rolls are visible now.” I’ve put on a little weight, but I didn’t think it was enough to be such a big deal.

Now I’m stuck wondering if he’s deflecting and trying to blame me for his problem, or if he’s genuinely lost attraction because of the weight gain and hygiene comments. I’ve never had issues with smell before, so this feels like a sudden, convenient excuse for him. AIBU to think he’s just passing the blame for his erectile dysfunction onto me, or is there something deeper going on that I’m not seeing?

Tell him straight.

"The only thing that has changed in our circumstances is your cock."

"and when goes out I know the friends he goes out with."

They could be covering for him. It happens a LOT with guys.

I would add or another woman, this can be guilt. It reads a bit like the script.

He is utterly horrible to say things (made up things!) like that to you to deflect from his ED.

You need to talk to him (not after a sex failure) and make clear he can't make unjustified remarks like this and expect you to accept it. Also, tell him to get to the GP before the ED gets a grip.

If he makes any other offensive smell remarks then I really would be considering hiring a hitman moving him right on out of my life.

Definitely cheating.

This

Oh that's awful, sorry for your news. My DH at 50 also has issues, I'll ask him to get a check.

This 😂😂😂

🤣🤣🤍

😂😂😂😂😂

Personally I'd take the bull by the horns and tell him if he is that repulsed by the way I smell and look that he can't stay hard for more than a couple of minutes, that we probably need to split up. I couldn't be doing with these pathetic games he is playing. I get he might be worried and upset and embarrassed by it but to try and put it on someone else, who you're supposed to love, and destroy their self esteem in the process because you are a but shy to go to the doctors is absolutely pathetic.

Oops, don't know where that 🤍came from, haha!!

Omg this made me LOL.
Yes this man sounds nasty, mean and deflecting onto you OP.
Time to make your mind up as you have decades of this if you stay.
He doesn't deserve you.

He sounds utterly vile.
God help you.

Put that one in the bin.

😂

I'd bet he's beating it to porn when you're not around. Too much deathgrip.

That or he's cheating again. WFH or not, cheaters find a way to cheat.

Binnable.

Oh lovely you have married a loser. He doesn't love or respect you.
You need to slowly work out how to get rid of him. He will eventually sack you off and will blame you for it.
You are worth so much more than someone that treats you like this

Also I've seen other posts on here and the next stage seems to be escorts 'just to see if it was a problem with you'

I'd also query porn addiction op. Stbxh was similar in every regard and it later transpired he had an insane porn addiction and was secretly messaging other women. I didn't have a clue and he deflected a lot onto me.

I think you need to call this out directly. Tell him in no uncertain terms that his comments on your body or hygiene are hurtful and disrespectful and if he ever has hope of being intimate with you again , not only will those comments stop immediately but he will actively work to undo the damage he's done to your self esteem. Part of that will be taking accountability for himself and making an appointment for the gp to get an mot done and having an open and honest conversation with you about your intimacy.

Other factors like stress can cause problems but then he needs to deal with those directly and be a responsible adult.

And also op, there's never a good enough context for cheating. It sounds like this man is incredibly lucky to have such a tolerant and dedicated wife, he should be stepping up every day.

Ltb right now. Wow.

At first I just assumed porn (as is the case with most of these ED men who feel no way of destroying their wife’s self esteem with porn addiction)

Then you mentioned abuse. He is abusing you. He is ashamed of his own failures (for whatever reason) and he’s putting it on to you. Horrible man.

His attitude would clamp me shut to him for good.

The laughing it off is because he hasn’t even got the bollocks to say it properly. He wants it to appear as a joke so he can gaslight you and say you’re too serious.

The guy is a grade A xxxx I’m afraid. Leave.

OP, he's deflecting but it's also verbal abuse, done with the sole purpose of making you feel insecure, which is controlling behaviour.
And that's not acceptable.

He is a deeply nasty individual.