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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding photos

116 replies

Strawbsss · 16/10/2024 18:41

My brother got married last weekend.

Lots of family photos taken by a photographer.

Family and bride and groom are now sharing these photos online.

Sister has now kicked off as she doesn't want her kids pictures on the internet.

This has been her wish since the kids were born and we always respect it, but she actively got her children in multiple photos on the day. She has even added random guests from the wedding to ensure they haven't uploaded any.

Brother has now removed them.

AIBU to think this is a bit shit? My brother has paid a lot of money for these photos and now he cannot share a set amount because sister says so.

Tell me if I'm being a crank but I just think if she felt that strongly about her kids ending up online, she shouldn't have pushed them into photos?

OP posts:
Procrastinates · 16/10/2024 18:45

So you think his own nieces should be in any of the wedding pictures because she quite sensibly doesn't want images of her children online?

I think it's pretty shit personally that she had to remind people not to post photos if that's always been her stance. It's a wedding I suspect there were a huge selection of photos that didn't include the children that could be shared, it's really not necessary to have to share every single photo on social media.

ThornVampire · 16/10/2024 18:50

it's really not necessary to have to share every single photo on social media.

No it's not but if someone wants to post pictures from their wedding they should be able to.

@Strawbsss get him to replace their faces with stickers

Grumpycashier · 16/10/2024 18:51

People have a right to decide whether their or their children's photos are shared.

There's allsorts of reasons people might not want photos online.

What if she's had a stalker/abuser or something in the past and she's trying to avoid said person knowing what her kids look like. You wouldn't necessarily know about it.

Timelash · 16/10/2024 18:53

I agree with the sister. I wouldn’t want them online either. Presumably there are plenty of other photos without them on.

Procrastinates · 16/10/2024 18:53

ThornVampire · 16/10/2024 18:50

it's really not necessary to have to share every single photo on social media.

No it's not but if someone wants to post pictures from their wedding they should be able to.

@Strawbsss get him to replace their faces with stickers

So you think someone else gets to override a parents reasonable request just because they paid for a fancy photographer?

Realistically he's probably got hundreds of photos I'm sure it's honestly no hardship not to share the ones containing his nieces.

MumChp · 16/10/2024 18:55

She should have reminded him on the day so they could have had pictures without these kids.

Pandasnacks · 16/10/2024 18:55

She doesn't mind her kid being in family wedding photos, she just doesn't want them shared to strangers on the internet where they will stay forever, and she's been clear about this since they were born. So what exactly are you struggling with here? YABU

Duckmamahere · 16/10/2024 18:55

If my sister requested no photo of her DC online, I’d respect that and ensure I don’t post pictures of sisters DC or blur their faces out.

mitogoshigg · 16/10/2024 18:55

Easy, the faces can be blurred

Smartiepants79 · 16/10/2024 18:59

I think your brother is allowed to be a bit pissed off. His wedding is a huge deal to them and he understandably wants to share the expensive photos with friends. I also personally feel that this kind of response ( in ordinary circumstances- no adopted kids etc) is a bit ott with pics of fully clothed kids in family groups. But that’s her prerogative.
BUT I would have thought there must still be plenty of good pictures of him and his bride that do not contain the children that he can use for social media.
The important people will get to see the photos in person won’t they??

TeenLifeMum · 16/10/2024 19:00

If photos were taken outside the church it’s a public place and the parent has no say. I assume it’s a private link to a secure page and the photographer can remove after? Parent is being precious. If someone in the wedding party buys a group photo, what’s to stop them sharing online? Or general photos guests took of the day.

Oldnproud · 16/10/2024 19:00

Let me get this right - she actively encouraged the children to be in photos, even group photos? but now wants to ban any of those people in those groups from sharing them photos?

If she wanted that level of control, why the hell did she allow them to be in those photos in the first place?

TeenLifeMum · 16/10/2024 19:00

Smartiepants79 · 16/10/2024 18:59

I think your brother is allowed to be a bit pissed off. His wedding is a huge deal to them and he understandably wants to share the expensive photos with friends. I also personally feel that this kind of response ( in ordinary circumstances- no adopted kids etc) is a bit ott with pics of fully clothed kids in family groups. But that’s her prerogative.
BUT I would have thought there must still be plenty of good pictures of him and his bride that do not contain the children that he can use for social media.
The important people will get to see the photos in person won’t they??

No because they won’t be able to order them… they can’t choose to buy them from the website.

EmberAsh · 16/10/2024 19:01

I think there must be plenty of pictures for your brother to upload without the children in.
I also think if she feels that strongly about her children being in photos online she shouldn't have allowed them to be in so many. Contacting other guests afterwards isn't appropriate.

Completelyjo · 16/10/2024 19:03

YABU I’m sure there are plenty of photos without the niece. Him paying for the photos is irrelevant.

canyouletthedogoutplease · 16/10/2024 19:04

There is real life and then there is social media. It is reasonable for your children to be in photographs which will be owned by their relatives, AND not want those same photographs of your children being shared on social media.

Choose other photos to put on Facebook, this is easily solved.

Pennnny · 16/10/2024 19:05

She shouldn't have let them get in photos if she feels so strongly about it. However what's the problem in just having them blurred out? Can't get my head around people who carry on like this over photos of their kids, but its really common on MN.

Original poster
Strawbsss · 16/10/2024 19:05

Oldnproud · 16/10/2024 19:00

Let me get this right - she actively encouraged the children to be in photos, even group photos? but now wants to ban any of those people in those groups from sharing them photos?

If she wanted that level of control, why the hell did she allow them to be in those photos in the first place?

Yes, so he shared a large group photo outside the church.

Everyone who attended the ceremony was on the photo.

She asked him to remove it.

Just to clarify, he hasn't shared individual photos of the children. Literally a couple of large group photos.

She didn't specify at the wedding she wasn't happy to have them shared, just kicked off after they were posted. X

OP posts:
Original poster
Strawbsss · 16/10/2024 19:08

Pennnny · 16/10/2024 19:05

She shouldn't have let them get in photos if she feels so strongly about it. However what's the problem in just having them blurred out? Can't get my head around people who carry on like this over photos of their kids, but its really common on MN.

He ended up putting emojis over their faces but it looks a bit silly. I just feel for him having paid to have nice photos and is now being dictated to where he can share them.

The photo had approximately 200 on it.

OP posts:
Oldnproud · 16/10/2024 19:09

Strawbsss · 16/10/2024 19:05

Yes, so he shared a large group photo outside the church.

Everyone who attended the ceremony was on the photo.

She asked him to remove it.

Just to clarify, he hasn't shared individual photos of the children. Literally a couple of large group photos.

She didn't specify at the wedding she wasn't happy to have them shared, just kicked off after they were posted. X

Show quote history

I would be extremely pissed off too if I were your brother!

EmberAsh · 16/10/2024 19:09

The sister should have removed the children from the photos before they were taken if she really feels this strongly about it.

Pennnny · 16/10/2024 19:11

Strawbsss · 16/10/2024 19:08

He ended up putting emojis over their faces but it looks a bit silly. I just feel for him having paid to have nice photos and is now being dictated to where he can share them.

The photo had approximately 200 on it.

Show quote history

She absolutely should have removed the children, however emojis isn't the end of the world for a photo on social media.

2Little · 16/10/2024 19:13

My kids aren't allowed in photos online. My husband and I don't post pictures of them at all. I think she should have told the photographer on the day so that could have staged photos with and without the kids. My family know not to post pictures of my kids.

MSLRT · 16/10/2024 19:18

She sounds a bit precious to be honest. Should have made sure her kids weren't in the photos. Can't he share them on SM with those big smiley faces on her kids?

MsChatterbox · 16/10/2024 19:19

Smartiepants79 · 16/10/2024 18:59

I think your brother is allowed to be a bit pissed off. His wedding is a huge deal to them and he understandably wants to share the expensive photos with friends. I also personally feel that this kind of response ( in ordinary circumstances- no adopted kids etc) is a bit ott with pics of fully clothed kids in family groups. But that’s her prerogative.
BUT I would have thought there must still be plenty of good pictures of him and his bride that do not contain the children that he can use for social media.
The important people will get to see the photos in person won’t they??

Did you know people are now using ai to take the face of a completely clothed child and put them onto anything they want? So it's not ott in this day and age I'm afraid.