Do you think this is true about short v tall men?

[Agogog]

I had a conversation with a male friend who is about 5ft 8. Very successful, by the way, both professionally and with a lovely family.

He said that tall men are at a key advantage:

1. More likely to be considered for leadership positions
2. Higher self-esteem
3. More successful on dating apps
4. Study shows that women would rather be with a tall man (over 6ft) who earns £30K less than shorter man

This really unsettled me. The reason it came up is because we were both discussing our sons. His is a year older and is having, finally, an adolescent growth spurt - and looks likely to be his height or taller.

My son is small, no spurt in sight. My husband is 5ft 8. I'm a few inches shorter. DH was a late developer, so i'm not worried yet. But who knows, he might not even be 5.8. I can't control that.

ANYWAY, I was upset last night. I kept thinking - I know my son will never be a giant. Is this really going to hold him up in life?

Thanks all.

I'm not sure it's a minor worry as one poster said - a) worries are subjective b) no one else can determine what is minor for someone else c) I don't want DS's other strengths to be overshadowed by insecurity over his height.

He already believes that girls like tall men, he has already got an internalised monologue around his height - I guess the shite that he learns by osmosis from social media and also the girls in his year who are pretty mean to him and his small mates. I boost him all the time, I tell him he has to love who he is, whatever he is, but the concern is in the back of my mind.

I can't really talk to DH about it because I think it's a bit triggering for him. Whilst he has a big personality, very funny, and ran with the cool crowd at school, I know his height affected his dating and I'm almost certain it's had an effect on his general life confidence.

Of course, this is also down to other factors - personality, the level of support his parents gave him, his resilience etc.

I don't admire him either, but to be fair, I only know his public personality and have never met him. I was merely pointing out that it is possible for the vertically challenged man to do relatively well in life.

I know many who I could point to who are better examples, but they are not in the public eye, so nobody would know them.

There's all sorts of bullshit online about what girls like from incels.
Tall men complain they're not hot enough and that's why they're being rejected.
Rich men complain they're not tall enough.
Etc etc.

Also what does 'mean to him and his small mates' mean...? Is he trying to ask them out and getting rejected?

I posted the above comment without realising there was a shed load of more comments.

Thank you all. Some awesome replies. I appreciate the time you've all taken.

I've seen the research on this, but as others have said, height is just one advantage in life. Being good looking is another. Being intelligent and well-educated is another. As is coming from a loving, supportive family. Being a decent human being. Having a good sense of humour. Being hard-working, ambitious and/or well-connected - all serious advantages in life.

If you're tall, stupid, lazy and ugly I doubt your height will help you much!

Oh, just cattiness, I think. His height is easy to pick on. I don't think it's anything more, but in his mind it would be different if he was taller.

Lots of replies believe this isn't an issue for men.

From living the experience I can say it absolutely is an issue. In the same way that male and female stereotype and judge others on different physical appearances, life is tougher for the shorter man.

Of course we all know famous exceptions but they are exactly that.

However, I'm not one for bitterness and life is what you make it. I have a family, a career and I am healthy and happy.

Many people have far greater challenges in their lives.

I will caveat all of this and say that my early teen son has already made it to the giddy heights of 5'8" and I admit to feeling slightly ecstatic for him 🙂

No I mean most of the successful men I know are tall but the most successful financially is the shortest but works the hardest

How tall are you @Seashellssanctuary if you don't mind me asking? And where do you feel it's been a disadvantage? You've been successful professionally, you have found 'love'/family

It sounds like he’s just a short(er) man himself making excuses for his own perceived mediocrity.
FWIW my brother in law is 6’4 and one of the most insecure men I know. On the other hand, my other sister’s boyfriend is only about 5’6 and the life and soul of every party he goes to, in a genuine way, not a ‘please love me’ way!
You can blame anything/something on height all you like but it’s silly imo to say it’s solely down to height and height alone, as with all number of other characteristics.

Gays care about height too

Most of the men in STEM leadership positions around the world are Indians / Asians under 5 ft 8. Your DH needs to stop making excuses. Your son can be successful no matter what his height is if he’s clever and confident.

This is really not something you should be 'upset' about. There might be some small statistical evidence that taller men are moderately more likely to succeed in life but it's not in the slightest bit significant, so relax.

FWIW there are five male directors (including the CEO) where I work and I don't think any of them are taller than about 5'10".

None of the men in my family are tall and they've all done just fine in life.

The OP states that research shows preference of women for a tall man. This research cannot be extrapolated to include gay men preferences. That's all.

On a macro scale - life is easier for the genetically advantaged - being tall / good looking / clever are undeniably factors in the statistical likelihood of a persons success. But as all the anecdata from PPs here demonstrates / there are no hard and fast rules - wider trends don’t usefully apply to individuals and there are plenty of very successful people of all sorts of heights.

definitely not something to lose sleep over.

My DH is 6'5 and is quite insecure in general, and about his height particularly.

Sure, rresearch demonstrates that, on average, being tall is an advantage. 'That doesn't mean that every tall person is confident and successful. Nor does it mean every short person will struggle in life.

Boris is absolutely not 5'7", Zelenskyy is 5'7" and Boris towers over him.

My Dad and brother are both over 6ft and people who don't know them well always describe them as "alpha", ambitious and "obviously successful". They are both lovely people, but in no way meet these descriptions! It's v v werid to me.

Most dictators and despots are under 5'8", so opportunities exist for those of us at the shorter end of the continuum...
Indeed, that's probably why they become dictators and despots - they do all the shouty stuff, waving their guns on parades and have everyone in a state of terror just because they have small feet...If we constantly reassured short men that their willies really are as big as the other boy's, they wouldn't become dictators

Of course there are some advantages to being tall as a man, noone would deny that. Just in the same way, there are societal advantages to being very naturally attractive.

There are also societal advantages and privileges in being rich, having a healthy functional childhood, being white, being able bodied, being male in certain work environments etc etc

These privileges affect all of us in different ways and contexts. However, you are unreasonable to suggest your son is now somehow doomed in life due to his height. Self confidence and attitude go an awful long way in career success so if it bothers you that much get him to work on these things rather than spending time worrying about not being 6 foot 2

He's male, which is the biggest advantage there is.

But I don't listen to stats, I'm a 5'2" mixed race woman running my own company in an 99% male dominated industry, and apparently I should be a housewife or earning under £25k and turning up to company marketing photoshoots as the token brown woman in the company.

I believe that the US presidential election has always been won by the taller candidate, so maybe there are certain areas where height is an advantage.

On dating profiles, I definitely know women who say they want someone 5"10 or above (even if they themselves are 5"2) but I also think there are some men who add a couple of inches to their height on these profiles, so I think both men and women are thinking about height as a "desirable quality".

That said, it is only important if you give it importance. Dont let them get hung up on it, or their insecurity or bitterness will be more unattractive than their lack of height. If your sons get their confidence in their other qualities (kindness, honesty, humour, intelligence, compassion, hobbies, talents, etc) they will be very attractive to future partners and employers alike.

I'm sure every person on here has met a 6" man with a visually pleasing face but an awful attitude who has turned out to be the most unattractive man in the world or a short person with a wonky nose who has a very attractive twinkle in their eye. Personality can either cover or create the blemishes we see in one another.

Similar here - I’m 5 ft 4 and DH is 5 ft 8. Both our DSs are slightly taller - 5ft 10/9 - but it hasn’t been an issue. Our very successful and well regarded school head is not much taller than me. I think his wife is about 5 ft 1.

Well actually I can imagine this is true but you've also got to remember that it is just a trend- so it won't be true for every tall man just like it won't be true that every short man is overlooked or lacking in confidence. In my opinion, charisma and personality go a long way and that is in no way at all height related.

I prefer tall men.

I'm 5'4 and it's very rare for me to be physically attracted to a man who is shorter than 5'10.

We like what we like. 😊