Do you think this is true about short v tall men?

[Agogog]

I had a conversation with a male friend who is about 5ft 8. Very successful, by the way, both professionally and with a lovely family.

He said that tall men are at a key advantage:

1. More likely to be considered for leadership positions
2. Higher self-esteem
3. More successful on dating apps
4. Study shows that women would rather be with a tall man (over 6ft) who earns £30K less than shorter man

This really unsettled me. The reason it came up is because we were both discussing our sons. His is a year older and is having, finally, an adolescent growth spurt - and looks likely to be his height or taller.

My son is small, no spurt in sight. My husband is 5ft 8. I'm a few inches shorter. DH was a late developer, so i'm not worried yet. But who knows, he might not even be 5.8. I can't control that.

ANYWAY, I was upset last night. I kept thinking - I know my son will never be a giant. Is this really going to hold him up in life?

I knew I wanted children. I'm 5'4" . I would only have had children with a man at least 5'10" tall because I wouldn't have wanted my sons to be short. There are many other physical attributes I would have avoided too. We all do it subconsciously. Some of us are happy to admit being shallow.

Exactly this. Life is a little easier for tall men, beautiful women etc.

But his height is just one part of him, so the impact on him as an individual will likely be small. His intelligence, diligence, attitude, health etc are all more likely to influence his earnings and indeed his love life. So no point focusing on what he can't change, focus on what's in his control.

I think most women want a man taller than them. And for some reason a lot of shorter men go after tall women. And some tall men love short women. It's like something they want to conquer. I'm 5"8 and would never have been with anyone shorter, it just looks wrong, especially when wearing heels! There's definitely something more attractive about a tall man than there would be if that same man were short imo.

Personally I prefer shorter - I hate having to crane my neck to look up, I prefer to feel more equal. My partner is 5'7" ish, I'm 5'5" ish.

You do get some short men who have a complex about it and are quite aggressive, but they're easily avoided. My DP is so laid back he's practically horizontal, least likely person to start a fight - he'd just try to logic his way out of it.

I do think society is easier on taller men, the same as it's easier on beautiful women. There is an advantage there. But the vast majority of success comes down to personality and drive. My son will most likely be short - he's from two families of relatively short/average height men, and he's one of the shortest in his year age 6. But he's ridiculously smart, funny and I'm training him to be a good man, so hopefully he'll be fine.

We all like different things - surely if smaller men were at such a disadvantage and so undesirable they'd have mostly died out by now?
My dad was small, FIL is small, DH isn't that tall, nephew is small, son is average height (tallest male in family). Mum and me are above average for females but sister and her daughter are below.
There are some very attractive small/petite men out there. There are also some very successful ones.

This.

I have 4 DS and even at their primary school ages it is quite clear they are all going to be different heights; one is very tall, one tall, one average and one small. My small son I doubt will ever be taller than 5ft 7.
I'm not worried, he's clever, he's determined, he's quietly confident. Of course we agonise as parents but I don't feel the need for my children to have every single advantage in life, nor do I want to bring them up to feel that way. I trust that they will do well even with a disadvantage or two, surely most of us have had a disadvantage or two to (at least) contend with.

DH is 6ft4, DS1 is 6ft2 and DS2 is 6ft 5. I’ve honestly never noticed them get treated any differently to their shorter peers, or have an easier life. They’re handy to have around when I need something from the top shelf or when I’m shopping.

DS1 had very little self confidence until he joined the army, despite him being very intelligent and able to turn his hand at most things. He just wanted to fade into the background, whereas DS2 was always, and still is, the total opposite.

Maybe it's true statistically but statistics don't mean every single person in that category will end up on the bottom of the heap?

Honestly it is a bit weird for your friend to sit and obsess over how being short has disadvantaged him in life! It's not like he can do anything about it. Just get on with what you can control and don't worry about what you can't. You could be born with any number of disadvantages.

Rishi Sunak is about 2'6" and it didn't stop him becoming successful, marrying well, and becoming prime minister. Also, it seems that since leaving office, he has become quite a good comedian too (although some would argue that he was just that while prime minister).

Just be happy your children are healthy, have loving parents, food in their bellies, a roof over their heads and access to education. Build their self esteem and confidence and they’ll be fine.

He's not a good example of a small person we should admire really, imho.

ANYWAY, I was upset last night. I kept thinking - I know my son will never be a giant. Is this really going to hold him up in life

Teach him that he can do anything he puts his mind to.

Teach him that we create our own realities

Teach him as within so without

Teach him.......yada yada ......essentially teach him he's fucking awesome. If he believes he can achieve anything, he will

Rishi Sunak is about 2'6" and it didn't stop him becoming successful, marrying well, and becoming prime minister

Absolutely!
Taylor Swift is rich and successful so clearly women face no barriers at in society.

Dh is 6'3", he's constantly knocking his head on low lintels etc. ds (although a teen so might suddenly have a growth spurt) is the smallest in his year, and has always been petite. Given at three he was two foot nothing, I'm not expecting him to be as tall as myself or dh. He is however extremely agile and a phenomenal gymnast! Many very successful male actors are under 5'7" so I don't think height is intrinsically linked to success or failure.
In terms of attraction, charisma, a quiet confidence and common sense are far more attractive characteristics than physical attributes (at least to me and my girlfriends).

I think it’s pretty much established OP that being tall as a man is an advantage. But it’s not the only advantage and your DS may well possess characteristics that will give him advantages in other ways. And, whatever his base line advantages, you can invest your energy (and other resources if they are available to you) in helping him acquire skills, and, above all, resilience.

As you have identified there is nothing you can do about his height. But you can, and I’m sure you will, promote his self esteem. It’s not productive to worry about his height. That said, I understand how difficult it is to shut out fears regarding our children’s ability to make their way in an increasingly challenging world.

www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1570677X19300760

If you want research and not just comments.

I read some research that taller men are more likely to cheat.

Many people have said it s about personality not height but one of the most attractive personality traits is confidence.

As a class, tall men have more confidence.

Women find them more attractive and so they will have more opportunities.

I think it's probably similar to 'pretty privilege' for women. Yes, it helps a bit (on first impressions). Is it any more of a disadvantage than, say, being a woman, in lots of workplaces? Probably not. Very few people 'tick all the boxes' when it comes to privilege. Your son will be fine.

I worry about this too as their Dad has said it used to happen all the time to him

My older son is much smaller than the younger one at the same age. He really worries about it but he's such a gorgeous boy inside and out. Makes my heart melt. I try to reassure him the best I can. Lots of men I've known who are smaller have been great people and I've known some very tall nasty men.

More nuance needed OP.
Of course, our animal brains perceive 'height' as being better, but these studies don't control for other factors.
At a population level, while height is genetic it's also influence by nutrition. Different ethnic groups have different averages.

All those short men who are less successful... Is it solely because of their height? Or due to their ethnicity and poorer background?

Anyway in life everyone has a mix of privileges. I'd say being short is one the least damaging 'disadvantages' compared to having a disability, low intelligence, trauma etc etc.

It's just like saying ugly women have less opportunities.

I think it's probably true but at the same time these are generalisations and life experience will be different for each individual. I do know quite a few short men who are doing well, happily married, successful etc. Cillian Murphy is short and very successful and lusted after! As is Tom Cruise. But even in the real world plenty of short men are living great lives.
I have a friend who's short. He's gorgeous, charismatic, always been popular with women. Married, runs his own business. Don't worry OP.