Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to look after my sisters 4 cats?

117 replies

Meelack · 16/10/2024 07:29

Been thinking about this for a few days and want to post for some outside perspective.

My sister has had 2 cats for 5 years now, whenever she goes away I stay over at her house to look after them. I’m not massively a cat person but I don’t mind doing it to help my sister out. Two days ago she sent me a WhatsApp message of a picture of her holding two cats with the message “our two new additions!” These cats are from a rescue, and are about a year old apparently. She is going on holiday in may and so it was arranged that I’m coming over to look after the two cats. However, now there’s 4. And I really don’t want to do it.

She just got these other two without telling me and just expecting that I will still look after them all without asking me. She doesn’t have to consult me about getting cats of course, it’s her own life and decision. But it’s the assumption that I will still look after them. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I just think that 4 cats will be hard work. She has a separate rule book for each cat (catX has a sensitive stomach so feed this food, don’t let cat Y eat his food, feed her this one, cat X can go out any time but cat Y needs to be kept in between these hours, separate them at bedtime, put X in this room and Y in this room) etc etc. which is fine with two cats but it feels a lot of effort to have all these separate rules for 4 cats (which she will have). Plus it means more litter trays for me to clean. One of her cats is long haired so I have to groom him as well, I just feel like it’s a lot of effort for something that I’m not being paid for and they’re not mine.

I know I don’t have to do this but I feel like I do now because I’ve been doing it for 5 years. I feel bad because it will cost a lot of money to put 4 of them in a cattery and she’s very precious about them so won’t want to do that. AIBU about this?

OP posts:
Hadalifeonce · 16/10/2024 07:34

If she hasn't yet asked you to look after them, I would pre empt the request now with, just so you can make an alternative arrangement, I won't be around when you go on holiday in May.

Fleximama · 16/10/2024 07:35

If the holiday is not until May, she's got a lot of notice to work something else out.

Can't you arrange an "unavoidable" trip at the same time so you can break the custom by not being able to help (rather than not wanting to) - this might soften the blow a bit.

She can't genuinely expect you to be at her beck and call for every holiday she plans to take over the next 15+ years.

Melonjuice · 16/10/2024 07:36

you could say look I’m just going to put food down for them and clean the trays I’m not going to fart arse around with individual cat requests

LauritaEvita · 16/10/2024 07:54

Cat sitting is a growing business so she will be able to pay someone to go and look after them who will be go along with the individual cat requests. Say you’ve developed an allergy. Lots of people are ok with cats for a few hours but start feeling unwell if with them for days. You’re now one of those people.

AlertCat · 16/10/2024 07:58

I can see it’s difficult but I can also see that over such a long period of time your life might well change and make it so that you can no longer be her free cat sitter. That it’s the number of cats which forces the change is irrelevant really, she can’t expect a goodwill arrangement to continue indefinitely because other people have lives too.

pinkroses79 · 16/10/2024 08:00

Perhaps they could all eat the sensitive food just for that week? It won’t do harm and less bother for you. I have two cats that have had different food prescribed in the past, it’s impossible to monitor particularly as they wouldn’t eat it all at once! The vet said it doesn’t matter if the cat that didn’t need it ate it. As for the going in and out, you can get cat flaps that can be programmed to different micro chips. Might be a hassle for her to get a new one put in, but could be the difference between you agreeing to do it or not?

lucette1001 · 16/10/2024 08:01

Melonjuice · 16/10/2024 07:36

you could say look I’m just going to put food down for them and clean the trays I’m not going to fart arse around with individual cat requests

Absolutely this!

Gettingbysomehow · 16/10/2024 08:03

You humbug. I'll have all of them send them over 😁

Original poster
Meelack · 16/10/2024 08:15

Thanks for the replies everyone. I was thinking of doing it in May because I’ve already agreed but then saying that I can’t do it after that. I just felt bad and wasn’t sure if it was unreasonable of me, but seems like from the comments here, it isn’t unreasonable so thank you

OP posts:
Dragonsandcats · 16/10/2024 08:39

I would have said 4 would be fine- but all with individual requests? No, I wouldn’t want to do that either!

Comingupriver · 16/10/2024 08:41

Tell her to buy a litter robot. Best money she can spend.

KnittedCardi · 16/10/2024 08:45

Four "normal" outdoor cats would be fine. They come and go, need no special treatment, get on with their own lives. Those four sound like a pita. I would say no, and I am a cat person. She needs to stump up for a professional cat sitter, or a cattery.

PennyCrayon1 · 16/10/2024 08:45

I get you. My brothers do this to my mum with dogs. They land on her with dog sitting. She doesn’t want to do it but feels like she can’t say no. Then they get new dogs without any thought to who is going to look after them when they can’t - “mum will take them”. They don’t consult her. It’s crap.

buttonsB4 · 16/10/2024 08:50

Bollocks to that.

You don't ask someone to do you a favour and then double the workload nice you've agreed to it, that's CF territory.

A bright and breezy "how lovely for you, but that's two cats too many for me! You'll need to find yourself an alternative cat sitter for May as I'm too young to become a mad cat woman 😂"

She'll, no doubt, cause a fuss as all CFs do, but just reiterate that she's the one that changed the terms of your agreement and you never liked doing it in the first place. She's got 7 months to find a replacement sitter, so the sooner you tell her the better.

Circumferences · 16/10/2024 08:55

I'm surprised by people who bring new cats into another cat's territory. Cats are really territorial and get so stressed out with unfamiliar/unrelated cats in their territory. Her first two cats must be really pissed off!
<Off topic>

Circumferences · 16/10/2024 08:56

7 months is a very long time to sort something else out. She must have a friend or neighbour who is a cat person .

Wimberry · 16/10/2024 09:12

She can pay a cat sitter to go in a few times a day to look after the cats, especially if she's got specific instructions/high standards about their care.
If she wants a freebie she'd need to be prepared that it's just the basics - food down, litter trays scooped. If she wants a professional level of care, she pays a professional!

Original poster
Meelack · 16/10/2024 09:24

KnittedCardi · 16/10/2024 08:45

Four "normal" outdoor cats would be fine. They come and go, need no special treatment, get on with their own lives. Those four sound like a pita. I would say no, and I am a cat person. She needs to stump up for a professional cat sitter, or a cattery.

Yes I agree. And tbh the new two might not have any special requirements but it’s unlikely because I know what my sisters like. She doesn’t go away much, it’s only once a year so I feel like I’m being mean by saying no when it’s only two weeks a year. And she trusts me to look after them properly so will probably be stressed out leaving them with a stranger. But surely she should’ve thought of that before getting them? There is an app called life 360 and it’s a tracker. Me, my sister and my mum are all on it (at my mums request in case we get kidnapped at this age of course). So when she’s away she will message me if she can see I’m not at her house asking when I’ll be back for the cats etc it’s just exhausting

OP posts:
Stormyweatheroutthere · 16/10/2024 09:26

She's your dsis.. It's 4 dcats.. Not 4 tarantulas you have to hand feed live food... Open a few extra tins and stop moaning.

pasta · 16/10/2024 09:26

I couldn't be doing with this either. Feeding and changing cat litter is one thing, but individual care plans for each cat would tip me over the edge. Could you say you will do the basics but no more?

Bogeyes · 16/10/2024 09:42

Tell her you have developed an allergy to cat fur. Esp long haired cats. It causes breathing difficulty. You have noticed it getting worse as time progresses. For cats will certainly affect your breathing.

Bogeyes · 16/10/2024 09:42

Four cats

AlertCat · 16/10/2024 09:46

But surely she should’ve thought of that before getting them?

Yes, yes she should.

So when she’s away she will message me if she can see I’m not at her house asking when I’ll be back for the cats etc it’s just exhausting

This is so OTT it’s not even funny. So she expects you to look after these cats as if they’re children, to the point that you can’t even go out during that fortnight. Fuck that for a game of soldiers, she is absolutely taking the piss! What about YOUR life??

Original poster
Meelack · 16/10/2024 09:47

pasta · 16/10/2024 09:26

I couldn't be doing with this either. Feeding and changing cat litter is one thing, but individual care plans for each cat would tip me over the edge. Could you say you will do the basics but no more?

i could do but the specific plans for each cat are for a reason. One of the cats needs a special food for his sensitive skin and stomach so he can’t eat the other normal food. The reason she doesn’t want the other cat/s on this food is because it’s really expensive so she doesn’t want them to get a taste for it and then have to buy even more of that food because it would be a lot of money. They have to sleep separately at night because sometimes the younger cat wants to play with the older one in the night but he just wants to sleep so she keeps them separate so that he can have his peace away from her. I won’t go into every rule and reason but I’d be doing the cats a disservice if I didn’t follow it

OP posts:
Createausername1970 · 16/10/2024 09:52

I wouldn't lie about having allergies or going somewhere else.

Message her back and say "oh, so cute, can't wait to meet them. But being practical, do they have daily care needs like the other two? Just thinking ahead to May and when you will be on holiday. I can manage Flossy and Fluffy as normal, but I need to know about these two. If they aren't straightforward, then I don't think I will be able to do it. Thought I had better mention it now"