To not want to look after my sisters 4 cats?

[Meelack]

Been thinking about this for a few days and want to post for some outside perspective.

My sister has had 2 cats for 5 years now, whenever she goes away I stay over at her house to look after them. I’m not massively a cat person but I don’t mind doing it to help my sister out. Two days ago she sent me a WhatsApp message of a picture of her holding two cats with the message “our two new additions!” These cats are from a rescue, and are about a year old apparently. She is going on holiday in may and so it was arranged that I’m coming over to look after the two cats. However, now there’s 4. And I really don’t want to do it.

She just got these other two without telling me and just expecting that I will still look after them all without asking me. She doesn’t have to consult me about getting cats of course, it’s her own life and decision. But it’s the assumption that I will still look after them. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I just think that 4 cats will be hard work. She has a separate rule book for each cat (catX has a sensitive stomach so feed this food, don’t let cat Y eat his food, feed her this one, cat X can go out any time but cat Y needs to be kept in between these hours, separate them at bedtime, put X in this room and Y in this room) etc etc. which is fine with two cats but it feels a lot of effort to have all these separate rules for 4 cats (which she will have). Plus it means more litter trays for me to clean. One of her cats is long haired so I have to groom him as well, I just feel like it’s a lot of effort for something that I’m not being paid for and they’re not mine.

I know I don’t have to do this but I feel like I do now because I’ve been doing it for 5 years. I feel bad because it will cost a lot of money to put 4 of them in a cattery and she’s very precious about them so won’t want to do that. AIBU about this?

YANBU.

A SiL often has several cats, a couple of rescues besides the ‘permanent’ residents, some of which invariably need a particular food, medication, etc.
So if she and Dbro are going away, she employs a live-in pet sitter.

OTOH a dd has 4 cats, but none with ‘special needs’, so just popping in to feed twice a day seems to be fine for the teen neighbour who is paid pretty well to do it.

Do you have to go to work as well during this time?

If it's only once a year, why not do it, but only if you think you can manage.

I’m currently at uni. I go in 4 days a week for a few hours. I can’t work out if I’m just being unreasonable and selfish but it seems that most people are in agreement with me so I feel a bit better about saying no

Of course she can say no. We look after our grandchildren all the time but we have told our children we will never do pets. Fortunately they don’t have any.

OP just tell your sister that 4 cats are too much for you to look after so she needs to be thinking about a cat sitter for her holiday in May. If you don’t speak up she may even get more.

I love animals but, frankly, if your sister is so particular and concerned about her cats maybe she should stay home and look after them herself!

She sounds like an entitled madam. Especially this

when she’s away she will message me if she can see I’m not at her house asking when I’ll be back for the cats etc it’s just exhausting

I would be saying that the above cannot happen, for starters, if you do agree to cat sit again. But, to be honest, with four cats it might be time for her to look into getting someone else in.

Just read an update you posted where you mentioned that if you leave the house your sister will text you asking when you’re going to return for the cats and honestly I think she’s being cheeky.

She doesn’t pay you, does she at least help you out in return or give you a thank you gift?

Without sounding nasty you are an adult and have your own life, I don’t know if you work or have DC but I’d say no going forward. If you really want to do May as it’s already agreed, do that then no more

I have four cats with different 'requirements' in terms of feeding, health issues, and going out or not, and I would never in a million years expect a relative or even a paid cat sitter to stay and look after them. When we go away they go to a cattery. It's not their favourite thing but they can suck it up for a week.

So I'm effectively in your sister's position yet I don't think you are being unreasonable at all.

Just tell her you are happy to sleep at hers but you will be busy during the day so won’t be able to pander to their individual whims and if that is not suitable she needs to sort out an alternative . Turn the tracker app off .

YANBU

if you don’t want to let her down for May I would tell her you can still look after the original 2 cats but she needs to put the two new ones in a cattery - that will at least save her money.

We are good friends with our NDN and they have teen girls who we pay to pop round and feed and check on our cat when we are away. And I am a crazy cat lady! She is my baby but I wouldn’t be constantly checking up on them and making demands. I am just grateful she is looked after by someone who cares about and knows her.

Given that she helps you out with lifts etc I would try and find a compromise personally.

I have a family member who house sits and looks after the resident animals. There’s a web site for it and the various sitters have ratings from the house owners. So although it’s a bit weird having a total stranger in the house, you have reviews to read through so you get an idea of what they are like. They don’t get paid either as they’re having free accommodation. And of course there’s conversations beforehand with potential sitters. She should look into that as a solution.

This. And if your children had double the amount of kids with no prior warning or discussion and expected you to look after them, you'd likely be overwhelmed.

OP be honest with her in a calm manner and do it sooner rather than later so that she has plenty of notice. If she doesn't like it, that's on her. The cats are her responsibility and she should have fully planned for this before taking on the responsibility.

I love cats, but even I couldn't be bothered with all the fussing. I agree with others, say something has come up or you've developed an allergy.
YANBU

Nah fuck that, it’s not like cats are even remotely grateful that you do all that fussy shit for them! Just tell your sister it is too much.

Interested in your reply about her driving you. Some families are very into give and take. If your contribution is cat sitting in return for a convenient taxi service, that actually sounds pretty fair. If you cut off what you are giving, you could find she is less into her giving ( lifts). Unless it’s like two lifts a year, I would think of the impact of this being withdrawn ( or less available).

I would just say, "I hope you're not expecting me to look after four cats" - if you say you're away in May, she'll think she can go away at another time and you'll be OK to catsit.

Just read that she ferries you around as you don’t drive yet - how often does she give you lifts?

erm I would say on average 2 or 3 times a month

Do you pay petrol?

Sounds like the real issue here is the attitude and treatment of the cats. We had cats when I was growing up - we out down food twice a day and they had a cat flap. Almost zero effort involved and the cats were very happy.

Hmm - bearing in mind your update about lifts, I think if you refuse to look after the cats, she might well be a lot less willing to run round after you in her time off. So I guess it's how much you would miss her doing these favours for you. If you do do it, and mention a couple of times that four cats is a lot more hard work than two, then it might feel that she is returning a favour rather than doing one for you.

I still think she should fork out for microchip cat feeders though.

if it’s a long journey I do. Like a few months ago she dropped me off at a gig that was an hour away so I gave her petrol money for that. But if they are quick trips then no. But also I never expect her to do this btw.. she has said no she can’t do it a few times if she’s busy or can’t be bothered and I just say no worries and make my own way. It’s not expected of her. She just does it to help me out if she can. Which I’m very grateful for

You've no need to feel guilty about this.
You agreed to look after two cats.
She didn't include you in the decision to get another two cats, she's the one changing the situation, not you.

If she dropped you an hour journey (guessing 2 hours for her as she has to drive back) once a month, didn’t charge you Petrol then I think fair enough to look after the cats for a week a year. But why are you paying her petrol money if she’s not paying you when you help her out?

Does she feed you when you stay over for the week, fill the fridge for you?