To not want to look after my sisters 4 cats?

[Meelack]

Been thinking about this for a few days and want to post for some outside perspective.

My sister has had 2 cats for 5 years now, whenever she goes away I stay over at her house to look after them. I’m not massively a cat person but I don’t mind doing it to help my sister out. Two days ago she sent me a WhatsApp message of a picture of her holding two cats with the message “our two new additions!” These cats are from a rescue, and are about a year old apparently. She is going on holiday in may and so it was arranged that I’m coming over to look after the two cats. However, now there’s 4. And I really don’t want to do it.

She just got these other two without telling me and just expecting that I will still look after them all without asking me. She doesn’t have to consult me about getting cats of course, it’s her own life and decision. But it’s the assumption that I will still look after them. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I just think that 4 cats will be hard work. She has a separate rule book for each cat (catX has a sensitive stomach so feed this food, don’t let cat Y eat his food, feed her this one, cat X can go out any time but cat Y needs to be kept in between these hours, separate them at bedtime, put X in this room and Y in this room) etc etc. which is fine with two cats but it feels a lot of effort to have all these separate rules for 4 cats (which she will have). Plus it means more litter trays for me to clean. One of her cats is long haired so I have to groom him as well, I just feel like it’s a lot of effort for something that I’m not being paid for and they’re not mine.

I know I don’t have to do this but I feel like I do now because I’ve been doing it for 5 years. I feel bad because it will cost a lot of money to put 4 of them in a cattery and she’s very precious about them so won’t want to do that. AIBU about this?

DS might be more chilled out about them (their individual faffs) if there's 4 rather than 2?
In your place I'd do it for the two weeks agreed, then say if it's been too much after that, to not do it in future years.
Her thinking - or lack of - was probably based on the idea that looking after 4 is no different to looking after 2.
I'd knock the tracking app on the head - either totally, or just your sister using it to check up on you and proximity to the cats. If she doesn't trust you to do it, she can find an alternative.

Yes this is good! She is my sister I should just be able to tell her no, I don’t know why I feel so guilty or worried about it

She needs to get them microchip cat dishes then - expensive, but they will only open for each cat's specific microchip.
(Disclaimer - I have never used one as I only have one cat.)

https://www.petsathome.com/product/listing/cat/cat-bowls-and-feeding-accessories/microchip-cat-feeders?cq_src=google_ads&cq_cmp=1332199805&cq_term=&cq_plac=&cq_net=g&cq_plt=gp&gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjwyL24BhCtARIsALo0fSDc-_MjP8g_GWQb-togbSAAyqjcMBugOkCfBgYbnM979lOZi962LUMaAjqlEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds

Why should she lie? It's unreasonable behaviour by her sister, who needs to be told exactly that.

I'm a massive cat lover but this is simply rude and taking advantage.

Tell her now you don't want to. So she can find alternate arrangements. My mum looks after mine as she's only round the corner, if we go away and she said herself another is no bother.

But really after having 2 cats, more isn't really much more work. Do they go out? I have 4 that live in the house/go out and one who never comes in. 5th was a very recent addition, and she's added nothing really extra apart from having to feed her separately.

Is she quite entitled and will give you a hard time if you don’t go along with what she wants? She may be a bit of a bully.

Yes well if the new 2 are straight forward then fair enough. But I don’t know… the idea of spending two weeks living with 4 cats just doesn’t appeal to me. But then I feel bad because it’s just a favour and helping her out and it’s only 2 weeks of my year. But I just can’t be doing with it anymore

She’s your sister. Surely you can have an honest conversation with her? Just tell her what you have told us, and discuss it like adults. Ultimately it’s your choice if you do it or not, and there are plenty pet sitters around these days for her to use if you don’t do it. Man (or Woman) up, lol.

Not directly but she will probably make comments while I’m around like “might have to cancel our trip because we can’t find anyone for the cats” or “I can’t believe how expensive a cattery is, plus fluffy will be so stressed in there, it’s a shame”

You shouldn't feel bad at all!

My mum at any point is more than entitled to say no to me and that's that. I'd have to find some other way.

They are her cats not yours and as a none cat person it's really good that you've done this for her so often already!

Well, it’s tough for her. As you say, she should consider these things before going ahead and getting the cats. What would she do if you were ill over the fortnight, or if your life changed in a way which meant you couldn’t be her cat sitter any more?

They don't have to go into a cattery. There are plenty of people who will look after cats in their own home - she will have to pay for it, but that's part of having pets, same as vets bills. It won't stress out the cats.

That’s crazy!
With the two new additions it’s time to stop. I wouldn’t mind popping in once a day to put down clean water and food, and to clean the litter tray but even that is a big commitment. Sorry DS but I was struggling with the two as you are quite fussy lol, four is a total no way! You can book them into a cattery or get a cat sitter, you’ve got plenty of time.

What does she do for you in return?

I’m currently looking after a friends very precious dog. She sent me 2 pages of closely written instructions, and innumerable supplements. This dogs food has 14 different elements, all to be measured precisely. There are complex directions around sleeping, walking,interactions with my animals and my family. I tried to be accommodating but eventually I said firmly you will have to trust me. I will do my best but the dog will need to fit in. She started hyperventilating when I said that my kind and cautious 21 year old , dog savvy Dd would sometimes walk the dog. At that point I told her to cancel the holiday , or be quiet. I wish I had been firmer about the food. I element is pouches for sensitive stomachs. I’m sure a week of that and youmove woulld have been fine. I feel I should don a white coat twice a day to compile this frankly stinky concoction. So I’d agree with the previous answer. Tell her you are happy to help but it will be slamming down 4 plates twice a day, and letting them sort out nighttime interactions. And if she’s not happy with that, she needs to make other arrangements.

I used to have 4 cats, each with particular health/medication/feeding needs. It's time-consuming.

You know what I did when we went on holiday? HIRED A CATSITTER to come in twice a day. A very good and rather expensive catsitter who was also a vet nurse. One time I left them in a cattery - this is a good option if they really need a controlled and monitored environment.

They were very well looked after and had a good healthy quality of life. I'm sure that in an ideal world they would have preferred having their family around as well, but for a week or two then frankly they can suck it up.

If you take on pets then you take on the responsibility of looking after them. If you can't afford to have them looked after properly while you're on holiday, then you can't afford to go on holiday. If you're going to be uber controlling about every aspect of their lifestyle 24/7, then you need to factor that into your costs. Your sister is trying to shove her own responsibilities onto you, and that is not acceptable. They are her cats and not yours.

"I'm surprised by people who bring new cats into another cat's territory. Cats are really territorial and get so stressed out with unfamiliar/unrelated cats in their territory. Her first two cats must be really pissed off!
<Off topic>"

It's not really off topic though. By May "This one has stress cystitis. He needs special Adult Urinary Stress wet food and you need to keep an eye on water intake so you have to clean his water fountain every day and make sure you leave the bathroom door open and the shower head dripping a bit because he likes to drink out of the shower tray. If he gets a blockage it's an emergency. The emergency night vet is about an hour away on the far side of X town. OOH consult fee is about £160, I'll pay you back when I get back. If it needs unblocked and kept in it'll be about £2-3k. Here are the insurance details. If they want a deposit, ring me and I'll Revolut you the money and you can pay them. That one stress overgrooms a bit now. She's on Senior Indoor Neutered Hairball Stress and she gets the hairball/ vitamin paste twice a day....."

If she can afford to go on holiday, she can afford microchip cat feeders. When someone is doing a massive favour (which caring for pets is), the owner has a responsibility to make it as easy as possible!

Mind, a lot of people are like this with grandparents who do full time childcare - they keep popping out babies in the fill assumption their mum will continue to look after them (for free)!

Unless she's doing things which genuinely help you out in return, it's time to have the conversation that you don't want to be default cat carer. And please put a stop to her tracking your life360 and nagging you if you go out for too long - she's in serious cheeky fucker territory here and you need to remind her that you do have your own life and it isn't secondary to her or her cats!

My initial response on starting to read your post was going to be YABU - I have 4 (used to be 6) cats. I don't think there's much difference between looking after 1 or 6 cats tbh BUT then I read that she Haa rules for each one 🫠. Nope. What a PITA. If one cat has a sensitive tummy, all cats get the sensitive food etc. Talk about making life difficult for yourself.

When I started reading your post, I thought four cats wouldn't be much harder than two cats but then you detailed the 'rules' and I'd be stressed silly that I'd get something wrong!
I pop in to my DB's two cats twice a day when they're away and that's enough!
I agree with the pp who said to ask your sister if the two new additions will have special requirements too and just be clear that it's a lot of responsibility for you.
Does she give you anything as thanks for this big ask (even with the two cats)?

she gives me lifts to places a lot. I don’t drive but she does and will usually agree to run me here and there if she’s free

Just say “no, thanks for asking me but I’m not able to do this anymore”.

“she will message me if she can see I’m not at her house asking when I’ll be back for the cats etc it’s just exhausting”

ditch that app too!
What nonsense 🤦‍♀️

I'm a huge cat fan but she's taking the piss. I have a thread at the moment in chat about a friend who has booked a month long holiday and is only with her latest boyfriend because he said he'd look after her dogs and cats. It's made me reconsider the friendship because she's become a user. Make plans for your pets before you book.
Tell your sister no, or yes but you can't do the food requests. Or yes but you're charging cat sitting fees.

I would probably be upfront and just say that your happy to look after the two cats as promised but it’s a lot of work and you can’t look after the other two. She’ll either need to find someone else to cover or put the two new cats in a chattery for the time she’s away. Not unreasonable. It’s she gets funny then just remind her your doing her a favour!