To not want to look after my sisters 4 cats?

[Meelack]

Been thinking about this for a few days and want to post for some outside perspective.

My sister has had 2 cats for 5 years now, whenever she goes away I stay over at her house to look after them. I’m not massively a cat person but I don’t mind doing it to help my sister out. Two days ago she sent me a WhatsApp message of a picture of her holding two cats with the message “our two new additions!” These cats are from a rescue, and are about a year old apparently. She is going on holiday in may and so it was arranged that I’m coming over to look after the two cats. However, now there’s 4. And I really don’t want to do it.

She just got these other two without telling me and just expecting that I will still look after them all without asking me. She doesn’t have to consult me about getting cats of course, it’s her own life and decision. But it’s the assumption that I will still look after them. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I just think that 4 cats will be hard work. She has a separate rule book for each cat (catX has a sensitive stomach so feed this food, don’t let cat Y eat his food, feed her this one, cat X can go out any time but cat Y needs to be kept in between these hours, separate them at bedtime, put X in this room and Y in this room) etc etc. which is fine with two cats but it feels a lot of effort to have all these separate rules for 4 cats (which she will have). Plus it means more litter trays for me to clean. One of her cats is long haired so I have to groom him as well, I just feel like it’s a lot of effort for something that I’m not being paid for and they’re not mine.

I know I don’t have to do this but I feel like I do now because I’ve been doing it for 5 years. I feel bad because it will cost a lot of money to put 4 of them in a cattery and she’s very precious about them so won’t want to do that. AIBU about this?

Well she doesn’t give me money for doing it but she does ask me what food I want in for the week and then I just send her a list and she goes shopping to get it all. So I don’t have to pay for food when I’m there

Honestly, with the favours you describe and her feeding you for the fortnight, I'd probably just tell her that four is your absolute limit and you won't be feeding them all separate diets, but then I'd suck it up.

I think with the lifts, it's fair.

Just have a think about the big sister / liitle sister vibe though (if it applies). She can track you on the app like your mum. She ferries you about at times like a mum. You babysit the little kids, I mean cats, at times. If it's all nice family dynamic then fine. If you get the impression over time that you don't feel like an equal adult, then quietly disentangle a bit if you can.

I take it just popping in a couple of times a day isn't an option?

4 cats normally, is no different to 2 really.
It's not like dogs where you have to walk them and pick up shit and they jump all over you.

So in normal circumstances I wouldn't mind at all BUT she is making it an issue with the notebooks of instructions for each individual cat, fuck that.

A cat is happy with a warm radiator and a packet of whiskas.

Oh dear. That's a lot of cats!

If you have already agreed to one holidy could you do that one and maybe broach the subject slowly of pulling back from this unpaid job in the future. You've saved her years of money so far. Could you do some of the holidays but not all? Maybe four cats would be OK if you only looked after them a couple of weekends a year vs several times.

I am a massive cat lover, but there’s no way I’d agree to look after someone else’s on a regular or extended basis unless they lived literally two minutes away. Your sister needs to own her life choices- she needs to either put the cats in a cattery when she goes away, or pay a professional sitter, or stay at home and look after them herself.

Definitely not unreasonable to say you won’t do it any more. May is plenty of time for her to make alternative arrangements.

You could just say when you are there your rules apply. All cats have to abide by cat X's curfew. Sensitive stomach cat eats in another room but all other cats eat together and share food as they see fit.

Looking after four cats is usuallty not much more work than one, the problem is the special requests. If only one cat has issues could it go elsewhere and you just look after the straightforward cats? If they all have issues then i agree its too much.

So at first I thought your sister was unreasonable but I do think this seems like a fair set up, with all the facts such as you not having a job (being at uni though) no DC, she gives you lifts and she also buys your food for the week when you stay.

However if you really don’t want to continue looking after the cats, you don’t have to. Just say no. You are under no contract too, but just understand she may not offer lifts anymore.

or adding to my post, can you have an agreement that you will do the special requests but you don’t want to stay in all day with the cats and she will have to accept you are there for feeding times and to sleep over but during the day it’s up to you where you go

Just tell her the truth. That you’re not comfortable having to care for 4 cats, all with differing needs. That it’s too much responsibility and she’ll need to make alternative arrangements. If she counters, saying oh, but you agreed, point out that was on the basis of 2 cats only.

I don’t think you are being unreasonable NOT to want to do it at all. However after reading your posts about the lifts and stuff and the fact she’s your sister and you sound close… if it were me I’d just suck it up and do it as it’s a nice thing to do for her. It sounds bloody annoying yeah but I do think it’s nice that she can rely on you and trust you. It must make her feel so much better about going away and it doesn’t sound like she’s taking the piss as such, it’s more thoughtless if anything. She obviously loves the cats so doesn’t see it as a chore like the rest of us would. So yeah you definitely aren’t being unreasonable but i would do it. Sometimes we just put ourselves out for family members, she’s your sister and maybe down the line she can return the favour in an other way 😊

I feel the same tbh, I'd never choose to do it and risk upsetting our two.

I'm a cat lover and I have three cats. YANBU - your sister is taking the piss. She should arrange and pay for 'cat sitters' or put the cats in boarding.

You sound an extremely nice sister to give up 2 weeks a year for the past 5 years to tend to her cats, plus put up with messages criticising you for leaving the house 😮 I definitely wouldn't, so maybe you're a much better sister than me. I would say now if you don't want to pander to the 4 different lists of instructions. She has 7 months to make other arrangements.

The messages asking where you were when you're not at home would do it for me! . She sounds extremely anxious and high maintenance. However, she does you favours as well. I would only agree to a very slimmed down set of rules about special diet cat. The rest of them will have to muddle through. Plus, eventually you'll finish at university and you might not have all this time. I don't think this is sustainable in the long term. I used to do house and cat sitting for a relative when I was at university but couldn't do it when I started work.

@Meelack just be honest with her.

"Hey sis! The two new cats look cute, hope they don't cause too much trouble. As I'm not a cat person, then I'm afraid I'll have to decline the cat sitting in May now as it really doesn't appeal now you have 4 of them! Hopefully you'll easily find someone else with so much notice! If you get really stuck, you could put the two new ones in a cattery and I'll look after the usual two!"

Another thought is cats generally don't like roommates! Our cat became much happier after his sibling died even though they appeared to mostly get on and show affection to each other before. Why can't they be together at night? If they fight a little bit with no injuries can't that be left? Is they house big enough so you could sleep through it? If they injured each other regularly they probably shouldn't be living together!

Could all cats eat the sensitive food so it can be left out for all?

She's need a professional cat sitter - not you. Don't do it in May. She's got plenty of time to find someone.

Don't lie. Just be straight. Ahw that's so sweet, I'm sure they'll fit in really well. Just thinking about the holidays going forward, being honest 4 cats is too much for me. Obviously I know you'll respect how I feel. Would you like help finding a sitter for May?

The cats are actually very good with other cats. There’s a lottttt of neighbourhood cats and they come inside the house sometimes and chase each other around (playfully). She didn’t get the initial 2 together, she introduced the second cat and they get along well but at night time girl cat becomes a bit of a nightmare because she loves to be outside and wants to be out. She seems to have loads of energy in the night and just won’t leave the boy cat alone. They don’t fight or anything but he really tells her off with growls and hisses and it wakes everyone up so better for everyone involved for them to be separate at bed time.

I don’t think she wants to spend £160 on food a month when she doesn’t have to. The sensitive diet one is expensive. The others are on regular cat food. I’m sure she would pay it if the others needed that food too but it’s an unnecessary expense

I think there are 2 reasonable options.

1. Now that you have 4 cats I think it's time to pay a professional cat sitter to care for them as it's too big an ask for me.

or

2. I will cat sit the original 2 cats as agreed if the other two go into a cattery.

Can you just keep Mr Fussypants in one room/section of the house and let the younger 3 run around/eat as they please for the 2 weeks? With the new additions the female is likely to leave Mr Fussypants alone anyway as she now has playful buddies so some of the situation might remedy itself?

The idea of 4 x cats and litter trays is a bit grim though I have to say.

Yes I think what I might do is agree to it in may and see how it is. Then at least I can tell her I tried and if it’s too much say I’m just not prepared to do it again but can come to a compromise.

yeah the litter trays aren’t a fun job 😔 even though the original 2 go outside they still use them

Litter trays are grim if you let them get grim. Mine never have poo in very long and they're cleaned totally multiple times a week. Bags are easier as it's contained, bin, jobs a good un. If they got out then there won't be that much anyway