Autistic parents who don’t like physical affection

[Nezuko22]

How do you cope?

My eldest is the complete opposite and is trying to hug and kiss us constantly. And I really do mean constantly, she’s been home for 2 hours and she’s tried to hug and kiss me 15 times. I don’t mind a hug and a kiss before going somewhere and before bed but she’s quite forceful about it. She pins down the toddler who is quite a lot like me and I have to tell her off for forcing kisses on him when he’s screaming no. She runs at ne making kissing noises and it honestly makes my skin crawl. I’ve had words with her to reassure that I live her but I just don’t want to be harassed for this sort of physical touch constantly and that she needs to respect people boundaries if they say no. She’s 11 btw. Does anyone else have any experience of this?

some of us don’t get time away from our kids to do the laundry and cleaning

Trouble with inertia, and executive function go hand in hand with autism so that snide comment was pretty ableist and ignorant but I hope you feel better for letting every one know you're the worlds best mum and also a bit of a dick.

@SaltySallyAnne

Who does the laundry and cleaning whilst their kids are around anyway.

Literally everyone? 😂

lol that’s a bit rich coming from you.

Probably not helpful but is there any chance that you’re Asian OP? Because I’m Asian and I was raised with little to no affection especially after primary school.

I honestly have no problem with it and thought it was normal until I met my British DH and saw how his family shows affection with each other. I can show affection but it has to be when I am feeling it. I do get annoyed when DH hugs me when I’m cooking dinner for example. So no advice really but I do understand x

Most people who work, will have to tidy, cook etc when their children are around. And that's not always a bad thing, my daughter enjoys cooking with me, we work together to tidy as she opens up and chats better when doing tasks. It's called ....multitasking

I don’t know one person IRL who doesn’t do that when their kids are in bed. When they’re home and awake it’s time to spend with them. Not doing chores

Oh wow, sorry. You’ve got an autistic husband so obviously you know everything about any situation in an ND family. Thank you for tearing yourself away from your hours long cuddling sessions to come berate the op for her own situation! Obviously when a method works for your specific family, it works for absolutely everyone.

Mine also enjoys cooking with me; with lots of cuddles in between tasks.

It’s really not hard to provide children with the emotional warmth they need and deserve.

I get it OP.
I'm the same with receiving hugs, if i have to hug someone I make it quick before they can hug me back..I like giving the hug if that makes sense. I can give my kids a hug comfortably and they are fine to sort of snuggle into me but i cringe at being squeezed and grabbed by surprise.

My kids and I are aware of each others non verbal cues when needing or wanting to avoid affection.
One of my kids also hates hugs so we do a sort of squeeze and back pats but thats on their terms, they will literally tell me when they need it.fv.
v

I'm not sure if ive missed it, but is your daughter wanting to hug or be hugged?

I saw you said she is not autistic so do you think this could be a sensory issue (dont have to be autistic to have sensory issues)
perhaps she has a little anxiety and needs reassurance or maybe she just enjoys the sensory feedback from squeezing/being squeezed etc

I wonder if there might be a possibility of adhd and that this is an impulsive behaviour where she is just so overwhelmed with lovely feelings and doesnt know how else to express them.

or ive just thought of this but do you think you naturally show the toddler more affection and she could be a bit jealous.

@SaltySallyAnne the only person that agrees with you, is you. Do you cook her dinner when she’s in bed too? Or do birds come swooping in your window singing whilst you bake and she’s tucked neatly in your apron pocket 😂

I’ve got an 11 yr old. She gets a hug whenever she wants- it’s a couple of seconds. I kiss her at night and if she wants when she leaves me in the mornings. When we watch TV we snuggle on the sofa sonetimes for a couple of hours. I also hug friends, relatives, sister etc very regularly. I think this is a normal level of hugging.

I am no expert but is there any chance you could fake it until you make it? How do you deal with other things you find difficult but know you have to do. Is there any therapy you can access? Could she maybe talk to someone? TBH it does sound as though she’s got a need somewhere which is not being met and I think you need to work out what it is and whether with support you can meet it. I don’t think things should go on as they are.

Poor child. She’s obviously feeling insecure.

FOUR HUGS A DAY! Omg. I’m a nanny and pretty affectionate with the children in my care and they get and give lots of hugs, sometimes in just an hour!

You know that there is a whole world between 4 hugs and say and ‘hours of snuggling’, right?

This is so sad to read.

Aww have you got autism too?

That’s a no on the self reflection then. Op, I think the best thing to do is ignore this person- let them make a fool of themselves on their own. Feel sorry for her husband honestly

And? You’ve met one autistic person, you have insight into one autistic person. The way you’ve spoken to the op absolutely suggests you have no clue about the condition in general. People like you are worse than those who have zero awareness of ASD and how it presents, at least they can plead ignorance. You haven’t been giving tips, you’ve been ripping the OP apart at any given opportunity whilst smugly going on about your very narrow experience.

Have you ever attended adult literacy classes to help with your comprehension? I think you should because I don't think the OP has said that she's not willing to do anything. I think the OP has asked for ways to manage this that don't disable her, you know, because of her disability.

I don't think being in the throes of autistic burnout and extremely disabled by the disability is going to be much help to her or her DD either, so perhaps use some of your comprehensive skills to come up with better solutions?

No, thankfully.

😂 Your poor husband & daughter. All those cuddles aren’t going to make up for having a small minded mother.