AITA for wanting to be able to speak to my child’s teacher in the morning?

[Bea44]

I feel like this may be a mixed bag, but here goes.
At school drop off in the morning and afternoon the same mum every single day ‘hogs’ the teacher by the door and speaks to the teacher about her child or whatever… I’ve noticed it since they started school and it is every single day.
She stands in the way of the kids trying to get in the classroom in the morning and the same when they are coming out. Her child has additional needs so I completely understand she may need to chat with the teacher. But AITA for thinking this is a little too much?
I needed to tell the teacher something this morning regarding my own child for the first time since she started and I couldn’t get there. I hung around behind for a few minutes but I really don’t have time to queue up to speak to the teacher. I feel frustrated that I was unable to just quickly mention something when this other mum is ‘hogging’ the teacher daily.

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all, all the children are important and one parent shouldn't be taking up all the teachers time.

Yanbu. Is there a home school book for parents to write messages? Or online equivalent? The teacher probably needs to settle her class rather than ignore them to talk to parents?

Parents like this are WELL known in school and regarded as self centered pain in the arses with zero self awareness. Who is supervising the children when this adult is at the teacher. The teacher is there to bring in the children. The office is there to take messages etc from parents. Why is this in any way not obvious. The other parent will never change and the kid will be needy too.

Definitely not being unreasonable, there's a mum who does that when I'm collecting my DS every day too, as soon as the door opens she's right there in the doorway asking tons of questions and talking to the teacher for ages while the teacher looks visibly annoyed as she's trying to get the children out to the correct adults and the children have to squeeze past her to leave the classroom. There's already been emails sent out to parents to say unless it's urgent then parents need to message the teacher on the class app but this particular mum still needs to be right in the way every single day. Rant over 😂

The classroom has two teaching assistants and then the main teacher stands at the door to welcome (or say goodbye) to the children. I presume the TA’s are seeing to the children while the teacher is preoccupied with this mum. There isn’t really another way to get a message to the teacher, other than call the office, what I wanted to mention I don’t feel warrants a call to the office but I did just want to mention to the teacher so she was aware. But I was unable.

I would have been tempted to politely interrupt "I'm really really sorry but I need to get off to work, could I just quickly tell you...."

Could you not have just said to the parent do you mind if I just nip in there I need to speak to the teacher quickly?

YANBU. What school year is it? I found this happens a lot in reception but much less further up the school.

I think i'd be tempted to call in at the school office on my way back out of school and leave the message there. The school secretary will soon get fed up of ferrying messages and tell the teacher to sort it out.

If she's physically blocking the kids getting in and out I'd ask her to move or get my child to bump in to her few times

This mum sounds like a huge PITA, but it's on the school to enforce their policy around teacher comnuinication.
Our school has 1 teacher on gate to playground to pass on urgent messages, otherwise we are asked to send messages via Dojo app or school office, or make an appointment.

Everyday is too much even with a child with additional needs.
Do you have a online learning journal or system etc? Or email for the teacher? I always send messages via the journal as my DS goes to breakfast club so I don't see his teacher most days.

Think we might be at the same school! We have the same every day, so frustrating when you need to pass a quick message over or just want to make sure your child goes into the classroom ok and it's the same parent hogging the door and teacher every day. The teacher looks fed up too!

At our school the teachers won’t come out on the playground for this reason - the PITA mums who want ‘just a quick chat’ when they are busy.
You have to schedule an appointment with the office if you need something or write in the planner if not urgent.

I’d write a note and pass to teacher or TA if something I really wanted them to know.

short and to the point - no essay, on a bit of notepaper - just essential information.

‘ DATE . Dear Mrs A . Cassie is very emotional and upset as her rabbit died last night. Tearsandsmiles’

‘DATE Dear Mrs a - Cassie will be collected by Jane’s mum tonight. Tearsandsmiles’

if can’t get to see adults - safety pin to front of kids jumper .

I think the best thing to do is stand near enough that it is very clear that you too are wishing to speak with the teacher during this brief drop off period and rightfully assuming their chat will be short and teacher will move on to you next. This gives the teacher a chance to indicate the conversation is over as she's needed by another parent . It can be hard to shake off the hoggers. Parents that need a longer discussion need to arrange time with the school. Drop off and pick up should be more informal, the passing on of quick non-urgent messages etc. Try this first and if it doesn't work maybe call the office and explain the situation.

Do a note and get your child to hand it either to the teacher or the TA/LSA. I used to be the one on the door, the teacher was in the classroom. I always had a notepad with me to take messages and if someone needed to talk to the teacher then it would be after school as in the morning they are on a deadline for getting everyone into class and registration. Or it would be arranged slightly earlier than doors opening so that there was time to discuss if pick up wasn't done by the parent.

The school I was in had a system where children put notes onto the teacher's desk into a special tray marked for it. The reason being the school was a 700 plus primary and nursery so parents were often trying to get two children or more into different doors to the school year groups and had a ten minute slot, not great if you are waiting for your queuing child to go in. The school was sprawling as you can imagine.

The school office is there for parents to talk to them, they are used to it. You could also mention the teacher hogger too so that maybe someone might do something about it.

YANBU. I always found it difficult to get the teacher's attention the odd time as the same parents were always taking up their time.

We had a parent like this and in the end had to politely but firmly tell her that she had to stop doing it. None of our parents are allowed anywhere near the teachers now so if they have something important to tell them, they email or phone the school.

I would politely interrupt in this situation. The teacher won't mind and would probably be glad of it. It sends a signal to the other parent that she's not the only one who needs to speak to teacher.

That's ridiculous! So that one parent has made life that little bit more tricky for everyone else, especially school staff. Sometimes every parent needs to see the teacher in person, especially if it's a sensitive subject that the child doesn't want broadcasting round the school office and gossiped about by the staff!
How pompous

If the child has additional needs it's quite likely mum does too, and hogging the teachers time everyday sounds like someone that doesn't understand social etiquette.

If I'd been you I'd have nipped around to Reception and left a message at the front desk which would have been passed on.

Teachers want to get children in and settled not a full blown conversation with parents

We had this, the hogger ignores the directive from the school and strolls on in, everyone else of course abides by it in fury.

This happens in my DD's school as well. The school also sends out messages saying "please raise any queries or concerns directly with your child's teacher in the morning or at collection at the end of the day to reduce the number of emails and calls to reception"

It's incredibly frustrating and means a lot of the time you just don't bother...which is probably what they hope happens.

Omg there is a mum at my eldests school who does this! She is literally just chatting about random stuff that her kid did that morning / previous evening. Constantly talks about him too. She's nice enough but only talks about her child and always wants to talk to the teachers.

Can you go a bit earlier when you need to tell the teacher something and get to the teacher before her?

The school my DD used to go to didn't allow parents into the grounds for this reason. Even the new reception starters (apart from the first day) the parents were not allowed through the main gate.