AITA for wanting to be able to speak to my child’s teacher in the morning?

[Bea44]

I feel like this may be a mixed bag, but here goes.
At school drop off in the morning and afternoon the same mum every single day ‘hogs’ the teacher by the door and speaks to the teacher about her child or whatever… I’ve noticed it since they started school and it is every single day.
She stands in the way of the kids trying to get in the classroom in the morning and the same when they are coming out. Her child has additional needs so I completely understand she may need to chat with the teacher. But AITA for thinking this is a little too much?
I needed to tell the teacher something this morning regarding my own child for the first time since she started and I couldn’t get there. I hung around behind for a few minutes but I really don’t have time to queue up to speak to the teacher. I feel frustrated that I was unable to just quickly mention something when this other mum is ‘hogging’ the teacher daily.

We have one at my child's school. My child can never get through the door. Another person doesn't stand in the door but still in the way, I said excuse me, three times, louder each time and got ignored. Extreme levels of patience are required. Don't get me started on parking on yellow zig zags nearly running kids over who are entering the gates.

Does the parent and teacher have an arrangement to hand the child over at the start and end of the day? This is a very common arrangement for kids with Additional needs and something the other parents will not be aware of.

Same with mine - not allowed through gate in the mornings and in the afternoon it was the TA/admin persons job to hand the child back to the parent. Never saw the teacher. Parents invited into school for special assemblies but very controlled.

This happens at DS’ private school too. But as the other child has additional needs there’s obviously a lot for them to discuss. I find emailing my son’s teacher for an appointment works - the TA then either takes over the handover the other parent or our apppoinment starts a bit later. Ultimately it’s on you to vocalise your needs.

At my DS school it spears to be general chit chat about the child from this specific mum, not handover chat but sort of anecdotes like oh it was so funny when he said / did xyz.

'Excuse me, sorry to interrupt but I need to rush off and this will only take a second. Just to let you know ........'

This is probably the only way you'll get a message passed on.

Just rush up.. say oh sorry I'm in a rush but just wanted to let you know ...literally interrupt and be rude once and she'll get the message. Smile and say hope you don't mind ..walk off.

Our school has an app so you can directly message the teacher, support teachers, headmistress and office but we still have this issue at the gate every morning. Drives me mad, it's always the same parent blocking the gate.

I've taught my DS to run through like an out of control freight train if she's in the way, he's got her in the shin a couple of times with his book bag or water bottle, oddly the teacher never tells him to slow down, be careful or apologize.

Thanks for all the answers. I thought I may be being unreasonable but you’ve reassured me I’m not. Next time I need to speak to the teacher I will take on these comments and try the advice you’ve given. Thank you.

Urgh these parents think their child is the only one in the school. I’ve had parents try to grab me for a chat between lessons in a secondary school when I was walking past the school office. And when I said, sorry can’t talk now I have a lesson, they didn’t give up but kept trying to talk. Same parents take up 80-90% of teacher-parent interactions. And not always in the best interests of the child at all.

Every class has at least one mum like this. My DDs class had 2, my DS's class has 3.

I recall one day when I had to quickly tell the teacher that my 5 yr old had received a diagnosis and whilst I'd update her properly by email i needed to flag something immediately . I did manage to get to the door first but was interrupted, so the teacher said she needed to speak with me and asked me to come in and the other mum followed too. The teacher had to be very assertive about it. The mum could nit comprehend that she wasnt the top priority. That mum blocked the door in and out for the next 5 years!

I feel sorry for the children whose way in and out is blocked every day.

You have to be pushy yourself. “Sorry to interrupt but I’ve got to dash off but Sarah …….. “

or as other said a note to hand in. I’d possibly also mention parents monopolising teachers when the school ask for the tearm / yearly feedback.

Our teachers don’t come out in the morning for exactly this. Only the assistants who will grab a teacher if they feel it’s required.

@Onestepfromendingitall It isn't pompous. It actually works very well now. How is a teacher supposed to take her class in while 2 or 3 parents are waiting to talk to her?
The parents drop them off at the gate, tge children play jn the playground then thd teacher takes them in when the bell rings.

You don't just rock up at a doctor's surgery and expect to see the doctor immediately because it's a sensitive issue.

And this is why parents are no longer allowed on the playground at my DD's primary. It was taking up too much of the teachers time in a morning, preventing them from greeting the children and actually starting the school day. We have to wait outside the gates now and the children just go in once they are opened and go straight to the classroom with parents under strict instructions that if they wish to speak to a teacher they need to contact the office. Works much better now.

Noone needs to speak to a teacher first thing. Email the office with the subject heading
Msg for Mrs X re first name surname in Class ABC
Don't slow them down by having to look up who your child is when you've used an email in your maiden name and given their nickname and say which class they're in.
Don't ring so they have to write down what you're saying (ask for all the info you're not giving) and then action it.

I’m sure it does work for the majority of parents. But as a mum of a child with high support needs, I have to do handover with the staff that working with my child that day. Any aspect of the previous night or morning that may have an impact on their behaviour that day (lack of sleep being the biggest one). You wouldn’t believe the most minor thing that may need passing over or has further affected my child to the point of needing to be picked up early. May seem like irrelevant nonsense to anyone overhearing but that’s life with a child who has high support needs in mainstream education. Believe me, I’d love to watch my child go through the door without a glance back, rather than the occasions of screaming and trying to run back out of school because they weren’t quite ready to go to class.

I don’t agree with giving a whole breakdown to the teacher from the last minute they saw them, but it’s in everyone’s best interest if a proper handover is done for children with SEN.

Yep there’s a couple of these in my youngest’s class. Our DC line up in the playground and the teacher comes out to take them in, every morning without fail the same two are there talking to the teacher, delaying them going in. It can be pouring with rain and she’s there going on and on not a care for the kids standing there is us parents that aren’t allowed to leave until the kids have gone into the school. Last week my friend actually stood there and rather loudly said ‘go on then, in you go’ as we’d been waiting 5 minutes at this point and the teacher got the hint and went in!

Same here, but we have a home-school communication book so that we don't have to try to speak to the teacher directly. It works really well - means I can drop-and-dash which has a 50/50 chance of working whereas if I had to stay to try to speak to the teacher the chances of DC unpeeling from me would be zero - means I don't 'hog' the teacher - means I don't have to give private details about DC's meltdowns or difficulty sleeping or anything else in front of classmates or other parents. Also means I don't forget anything as it's all written down! If you don't have this system you could ask for it, it really is a win all round.

And this is the important thing, the teachers need to be able to greet the children to make a positive start to the school day, the teachers are there for the children, not for a chat with the adults, anything which takes their focus away of this is unhelpful.

If a child has a 1 to 1 then they can meet with the parent, at our school children with high needs are met by their LSA at reception so they can talk without other parents overhearing, and they then go into class with the other children and their LSA

I agree with bush- the parent should be meeting with the childs 1-2-1 where there is one. What is the post handing over to a teacher its very unlikely the class teacher would be dealing individualky with the child.

Op if the class has 2 ta is one a 1-2-1?

OP i think your child might be in my child’s class! There is one child with additional needs who (kindly) I believe is not suitable for mainstream.

He is either being wrestled into the classroom by his Mum or restrained by the teacher of TA to stop him bolting back out whilst the others are coming in. Sometimes the teacher/TA doesn’t even acknowledge my child/other children entering the class which makes me a bit uncomfortable as my child is only year 1 and it’s nice to know he’s been “handed over” even if just a knod of acknowledgment. If my child turned on his heel there’d be nobody who knew he had arrived!

I don’t very often have a handover of any sort, sometimes it’s been something like someone else’s jumper, I had a query re the handwriting Monday which I haven’t been able ask.

It’s frustrating when one person monopolises ALL the resource.

DD has a new young male teacher this year. I've noticed that one of the Mums spends every morning doing this since September. She never used to when we had a lovely female teacher last year 🤔😄

I don’t agree with giving a whole breakdown to the teacher from the last minute they saw them, but it’s in everyone’s best interest if a proper handover is done for children with SEN.

Of course it is, but it’s also in everyone’s best interests if a proper handover is done for each child as and when it’s appropriate to do so. A parent of any child should be able to relay pertinent information about their child.

We weren't allowed to go in past the first few weeks of reception. We still managed to pass messages on by writing in the home school book. (Probably online now.) It was better as the teacher was able to concentrate on settling her class

I would do the note thing. Have one prepared and say "Sorry Mrs Teacher, but [I don't have time to wait for Mrs Annoying Mum to stop hogging you at the door, but^] I needed to get a message to you about MiniBea for today - here" and hand her the note.

^ = optional sentence!

Or come up with a suitably passive aggressive post for the class Whatsapp group along the lines of your post on here.

"I really need to speak to Mrs Teacher before class tomorrow, but she always seems busy - does anyone know of another way?" i.e. plead ignorant on the fact that you can't email, etc. When people respond you can then add "Ah, OK, thanks. That's annoying. Apologies to anyone that I have to interrupt then when it's important!"