AITA for wanting to be able to speak to my child’s teacher in the morning?

[Bea44]

I feel like this may be a mixed bag, but here goes.
At school drop off in the morning and afternoon the same mum every single day ‘hogs’ the teacher by the door and speaks to the teacher about her child or whatever… I’ve noticed it since they started school and it is every single day.
She stands in the way of the kids trying to get in the classroom in the morning and the same when they are coming out. Her child has additional needs so I completely understand she may need to chat with the teacher. But AITA for thinking this is a little too much?
I needed to tell the teacher something this morning regarding my own child for the first time since she started and I couldn’t get there. I hung around behind for a few minutes but I really don’t have time to queue up to speak to the teacher. I feel frustrated that I was unable to just quickly mention something when this other mum is ‘hogging’ the teacher daily.

I think the SEN issue is a bit of a red herring here. Appreciate that all DC are different - I have one with significant SEN but still doesn't require a detailed handover every morning. They know the specific issues he has around school and they largely don't change from day to day.

If that wasn't the case, I'd expect a home-school communication book or other tool to pass on updates that wasn't done in front of all the other parents tbh.

Poor teacher would probably be relieved at the interruption.

This is what I'd do. As long as you're polite, there's really nothing wrong with 'butting in' a bit!

I think it's time to practice your butting in skills.
Excuse me, sorry to interrupt, can I just tell you some thing really quickly.....

I'd also of interrupted

YANBU to want to speak to the teacher. YABU to not phone the office, either the info needs passed to the teacher or it doesn’t. If it does, phoning the office would also have allowed you to casually mention that no one can get near the teacher

Sorry but I was that parent who's child has additional needs who needed to do a handover every morning and every afternoon. I didn't want to but it was essential for my child's education; I'd have much rather been able to drop him off and then collect him at the end of the day. But school both wanted and needed that handover both morning and afternoon.
All you needed to do was open your mouth and say excuse me could I just interrupt for a moment....

We have similar happen at my dds school, my dd had an accident and the teacher wanted to talk to me about it but was stuck at the door by a mum who needs a daily run down of everything her child has done that day, the teacher apologised to me and was obviously frustrated so I said nothing to apologise for and I don’t mind if she wants to just message me on the app if it’s easier.

My sons school wouldn't allow a home/school communication book they required me to do a full on handover morning and afternoon.
I can almost certainly guarantee this parent would love to be able to drop and go and collect and go.
I know I would have preferred that than all the hanging around; the stares the talking behind our backs. It's horrible!

I'd message school to ask how this can be improved

But I am also going to sound a note of caution because there was a mum who took up a lot of the teacher "drop off" time when my daughter was in year R and much later I found out this mum's preschool age child had died just months earlier, and I felt quite different about it once I knew that.

Oh my. You just know this teacher is dreading the start of everyday. I bet she leaves it until the last second to come out and meet the children 😂

I think if you butt in, you’ll be doing her a favour op.

Then you , and other parents in your situation, need to arrange with the teacher that you do the handover without blocking the door, maybe inside the classroom so offering you some privacy, while the TA settles the class . There also needs to be a system set up, and made clear to other parents, whereby they too can inform the school about urgent issues that affect their child, either by leaving notes, or emails or talking to a TA.

If the teacher needs to know anything leave a message with the school office to pass on - leave the poor teacher alone right at the start of the day.

I would say this is poor management on the teacher’s part. Also the school needs a good system to prevent this happening.

When I was teaching I would have politely spoken to the offending parent to prevent her doing this every day.

We employed a home/school notebook system for children with special circumstances. Parents could jot down any information they needed to pass on each day.
Admittedly the occasional parent had to be coached into using a few bullet points rather than a dissertation each day.
I would speak to the head. Is the teacher young or inexperienced? She may be floundering with the situation and need some help from her superiors, who may be in ignorance of the situation.

I agree with this. There needs to be some way for other parents to inform the teacher of urgent issues. I’m very surprised the Head is allowing this.

I taught for many years and I always used a home/school book if some parents required it and the TA brought the child/ren in to settle them. That gave the children 1:1 attention when they needed it in the morning as there was always a few parents waiting to speak with teachers.

The best thing that ever happened was Class Dojo, parents could message me on there and I chose when to respond to messages. It meant I could respond to urgent ones before school to save parents waiting around.

Teacher needs to speak up, offer her an appointment and sort her. Also she needs to be available to all at home and arrival times.

DD's school don't allow parents through the gate in the morning which solves this problem. They suggest either emailing or getting your child to hand over a note if urgent. They do allow you to talk to the teacher on pick up, and as DD has SEN I probably do more than others, but can't imagine needing to every day.

Oh god! a complete pain in the hole is what I would call people who do that.
A friend was a reception class teacher and a parent asked if she could make sure her child always went first at snack time! What about the other 20 kids.

In our situation inside the classroom would have made things worse and I generally waited until everyone else was in and gone before taking my son to the door and I was always the last to collect him so I was not taking up other people's time.
But yes I would have much prefered not to have to wait around and for the school to allow me to communicate through other means but the school didn't allow it because the head teacher was old school. They didn't even send emails or use apps everything was letters home sometimes with having 3 kids at the school I'd get 3 copies!
Thankfully now he's in upper school and doesn't need as much input from me. But it was a really difficult first few years at nursery and into primary.

I would always assume that the teacher would be hard to get hold of and have the message written down in advance - hand it to a TA or the teacher if they can't stop.
DD's school was contact book method, collected up first thing in the morning and run through by the teacher while the TA's got everyone ready for the first activity.

YANBU - it is completely unfair for this parent to monopolise the teacher's attention. In DS' school you can't go in to the gates in the junior gates (but could in the infants)

There are always parents like this. They get a major shock at secondary where they don't get past the office! The school need to deal with this by making it clear to all parents that messages for teachers must be passed to the office and appointments made for discussions. FWIW I have a child with additional needs and I did not need to speak to the teacher daily.

I think if it’s just something quick and she’s always standing there I’d just go up and say so ething like “I’m so sorry to interupt, I can see you’re having a conversation, can I just really quickly mention (whatever you need to say to the teachers), I don’t want to hold you up” or something like that. Especially as you’ve said you’d waited around before, I personally wouldn’t be angry if a mum did this as a one off if I was there every day chatting.

Yanbu, it’s always the same parent at DC’s school too. I’d interrupt, the teacher will be thankful for it.

I'm a teacher and parents quite often send in notes/letters if they've got a quick thing to tell me.