Do you shout at your children?

[autienotnaughty]

I grew up in an abusive home (emotionally abusive) and I got smacked as a child.

When I had my dds in my late teens I had no experience other than what I received . I did shout to tell them off and occasionally smacked their bum. (25 years ago)!im not proud

I trained in child care, worked with Sen children and learned to be a better parent.

Six years ago I had my son who is significantly autistic I never shout (obviously I sometimes get frustrated but I try not to use this in my parenting) i discipline if needed but mostly I try to help him figure things out/manage his environment.

I've had a lot criticism on my parenting from in laws , one adult dd and sometimes dh. Other adult dd (who works in a Sen school) backs me . Professionals I've spoken to such as senco, autism team will make similar suggestions in managing behaviour as do other autistic adults. I am also autistic.

The general consensus from those who disagree seems to be I need to get angry and punish. But I don't see the benefit in doing so.

Do you shout at your kids/get angry?

I'm starting to wonder if all these years I've been considering "raising your voice" as shouting.

Yes, but very occasionally.

My daughter and I have a mutual understanding of what works and what doesn't. Ive also made it clear that the thing I hate the most is having to repeat myself, so she doesn't bother me too much and I try to breathe more when she does.

Occasionally if they’re doing something dangerous and the odd time over the years when I’ve been particularly overwhelmed.
I’m not a loud person by nature though and I’ve found there’s a certain tone of voice that works much better than shouting when they’re misbehaving.

There is definitely a difference though between occasionally losing your rag (which I would say the vast majority of parents have done at least once - children can be very overstimulating and we’re all human ) and being habitually angry and shouty

Yes - occasionally. Not in a scary way, but I think actually its important children learn that poor behaviour will provoke negative consequences from others. I also think they need to recognise mummy has feelings & can be hurt & frustrated too and is allow to express that.

It has most effect when they need shocking into realising they have gone too far.

I get a lot of complinents that my DC are comparatively well behaved.

Oh and i raise my voice plenty if they are being disobedient, rude, thoughtless, unkind dtc.

Yes from time to time. But I always apologise and I would never see it as desirable for anyone to shout at their children.

I've done what DS would call shouting which is more stuff like sternly asking him to put his shoes on for the fifth time.

I've occasionally actually shouted, but not often. If I've actually lost my temper, I might shout because I do have a bad temper when I lose it. But I am also very patient so it doesn't happen much. Obviously a child will push you to lose your temper on occasion! That's inevitable.

I grew up with a lot of shouting and I don't feel like it did me any good. Rather than some people who grew up in that environment and become fearful of shouting, I became a bit immune to it. So I don't see it as a useful technique to get my point across because who would listen to a bunch of shouting?