To think I’m leaving having kids too late at 31 and single?

[QuickPlayer]

I’m currently 31 and single, and I often hear people say that if I want kids, I should consider starting sooner rather than later. I’ve always envisioned having children, but I also want to focus on my career and personal goals first. AIBU to think that I still have plenty of time to meet the right person and start a family, or am I risking leaving it too late?

I just had my first at 39. Like you I focussed on career, setting ourselves up in life and travelling to where we wanted. The timing felt right and I couldn’t be happier.

what works for you won’t necessarily work for others so if it feels right for you, go with it.

I met my partner at 36 and had our children at 38 and 40.

It depends how disappointed you'd be if you found you couldn't have kids (and kids plural is important, as if it takes you a while to have the first you might miss your chance for a second). If you're on the fence then it isn't a big deal, plenty of people get pregnant later on. But if it is very important then you need to think about how you're going to get that ball rolling as presumably you'd want to be with someone a couple of years before starting to try for a family.

I met my husband at 32, first child at 34 and second at 36. Generally I felt that making those choices were a lot easier mid-thirties so things went quite fast.

That said, at 31 I was seriously considering freezing my eggs. I had looked into cost and started saving for it. Plenty of women have children in their later thirties, but you don't really know about your fertility until you try or do the medical exams for it. One of my friends paid for private fertility assessment when she was in her early thirties, and at least it's given her some idea of what her next steps should be.

Not too late at the (moment) no, but.... I would be worried if I was 31 and still single.

Sorry.

No you're not leaving it too late but it may be worth thinking about getting your eggs counted/frozen just to be on the safe side if you know you'd definitely like to have children in the future

Wow, that’s blunt! But thanks for your honesty.

You’re definitely not too late!

But you might laugh at The 29 to 31 song:

m.youtube.com/watch?v=H-gfxjAaZg0

Similar timing but I wasn't bothered about having children and I wouldn't settle for an arsehole.

If you are desperate to make sure you have children, it's a little more serious.

Come back when your 45 love. You've got plenty of time.

A bit. I met (now) DH when I was 30. I had DC at 34 and 37 and I wish I had had them sooner. I will be 71 when DD is 34 and probably too old to be much help with her children.

The earlier poster makes a good point. I had my first at 32 but it took a while to have my second. If you really want kids (and they aren't necessary) then you leaving it a bit late if you haven't met the man with sperm you want yet.

Well I'm 36 and single, so I really hope 31 isn't too late!!

Factually you can’t guarantee being fertile into your mid to late 30’s. Freeze your eggs,‘give yourself the best chance down the road

You're fine love. If you're very worried get some fertility checks and think about freezing your eggs, but 31 is no age.

I was single and career focused until 36, married at 37, first baby at 38.

ETA, very happily single!

I didn't focus on my career, it's what I did as I hadn't met the right partner yet. I did at 39 and went on to have two children.
I'd not deny a relationship because I still had career goals - they are not mutually exclusive.

Depends if you want to be a 'younger' mum or not...but more important to have children with the right person!

I had my first at 31 and always wished to have children younger than this, but most importantly I feel like I've had them with the right person...so that outweighs it for me!

I'm a year older than you, had my first at 30 and pregnant now with my second. I want three kids, so I knew I had to start early to fit them all in without rushing...

If you want one kid or you're on the fence about having kids it's fine for you to wait imo.

If you definitely want 2 kids or more you probably do need to start soon. Around half of my friends of the same age/a year or two older have had to use IVF. I've been quite shocked how many have had fertility problems. And you need to try for a year or more before you'll qualify for help.

SOME people can get pregnant fine aged over 35 (Including MEN - remember men's sperm quality declines drastically over 40 causing three times as many miscarriages as a younger man - so you don't really want to have a baby with a man aged over 40 if you can help it).

But some people struggle. You really don't know which you'll be - by age 40 three quarters of a woman's eggs are malformed, meaning they'll cause a miscarriage and won't result in a healthy full term baby. By age 35 half of all women's eggs are malformed.

So - if kids are essential to you - try to have them before 35 imo. If they aren't essential and you won't be bothered if you can't have them - I think fine to wait until late 30s and just think 'what will be will be'... It's really how important it is to you as a life path

This. Or in OPs case she seems to want to prioritise a career which is fine but you do need to be realistic.

I met my DH when I was 32, married at 35, had babies at 36 and 38. Thinking about having another, but I've just turned 40 and feel haggard and old and worry about how old I'll be when any grandchildren might come along.

I really enjoyed travelling and my career in my 20s and early 30s though 🤷‍♀️

Same. I do think it was lucky to an extent that getting pregnant was easy for us. But I wouldn't be panicked at 31. I was single then and then again at 35, which was more worrying

I met my DH at almost 35 and squeezed in two kids before 40. We were on a tighter timescale than I'd have liked but had no problems conceiving.

No, not yet, but if having children is a priority, then making finding a man to have them with a priority. Otherwise it is easy for the years to fly by until it is too late.

A few stats: a third of women in the western world have no children, but only 5% of women are child-free by choice. So a whopping quarter of the female population are missing out on motherhood against their will. Usually because time ticked by and it was too late by the time they had all the pieces of the puzzle ready. So, if you don’t want to be one of them, remember you don’t need to have everything perfectly set up before you have children.