To think I’m leaving having kids too late at 31 and single?

[QuickPlayer]

I’m currently 31 and single, and I often hear people say that if I want kids, I should consider starting sooner rather than later. I’ve always envisioned having children, but I also want to focus on my career and personal goals first. AIBU to think that I still have plenty of time to meet the right person and start a family, or am I risking leaving it too late?

At 31 I would be worried about meeting someone, if I really wanted kids

Lots of women have kids later in life though, so it's not like you've run out of time

You will be fine. Most importantly find the right partner!

I started trying at 31 and we had already left it too late. Premature menopause followed shortly after. It's not that unusual to have significantly decreased fertility in early to mid 30s
We adopted which was a fine option for us. But I am sorry people are telling you all is well. It may not be and if having biological children is important to you, keep this in mind.

I was in a group of five first time mums at 36. Only one of us had a second child naturally. One other by ivf. We never tried as we’re happy with one and the two other couples couldn’t have another.
so I’d say for all of us 36 was quite easy ttc but 38/9 was a lot harder for those who tried.

This thread is depressing 😔

I wouldn’t necessarily be panicked at 31 but I would be starting to worry if I was 31 and not with the person I want to have kids with. Mainly because it’s a very bad idea to have kids with someone you barely know, for a woman it’s puts you in a vulnerable position to have kids before getting married, and presumably you’d want to live with the father of your child, would need time to get to know them before that happens and then potentially time to save up deposits/get moved.

So when you think from meeting someone you have maybe a couple years of dating before moving in together and thinking of marriage, then time saving for a wedding and getting married, even if you met the perfect man tomorrow you’re probably still a few years away from trying for a baby, and you could meet multiple men before then who seem perfect and only after a year or so true colours show.

There’s also the case you see a lot on here of men saying they want kids, hypothetically, and then delay trying for them until it’s too late. So you could meet an amazing man who makes all the right noises about kids and only find out 5 years down the line that actually he doesn’t really want them, which is so sad but seems to happen a lot. Having someone waste your time like that is difficult at any age but more so (in fertility terms) if those 5 years are 32-37 than if they are 25-30.

Met dh at 33. Got together officially at 35. Married at 37. Baby at 40. You've got time 😊

Hiya, I read your post and thought I'd share my experience. I got married at 32 and started trying for a child straight away. It took me 6 years to have my little girl and I'm so blessed. I found out early on to get certain bloods taken to check my egg count - amh levels. Your GP can do this at a certain point in your cycle. This info I think will help you a lot in your decision. I had and have very low AMH levels, which I think was the main challenge for me in getting pregnant. If your levels are high I wouldn't worry about doing anything and would take a few more years to see what happens for you romantically. If however your AMH levels are low, I'd perhaps look into freezing eggs until the time comes when you might be ready or want to have a child.

Wishing you all the best for your future years, you're still so young and enjoy life and your early 30's xx

Funny you say this as several of my female colleagues always say that they found 30-35 as a woman are the hardest years to meet a man who wants to be a husband/father because they find men their own age either want a younger woman who they can have a few years with before having to think about children, or older men who have already had children and don’t want anymore!

Oh my God, you are SO young. Get your fertility tested if you are very worried but most women are able to have a successful pregnancy into their early forties.
And it's 2024, you don't even need a man.
I had my baby at 40 and wasn't even in a relationship at the time.

I didn't even meet my DH until I was 40, we then had 2 children.

I married an utter twat in my 20s and a lovely man in my 30s.

I was pretty stupid in my 20s so I don't think marrying young is the solution people think it is.

This is amazing for you but you have to accept that this is absolutely not the case for everyone. At 30 your chance of pregnancy per cycle is 20%, at 40 it’s 5%.

There’s also the miscarriage risk which at 30 is around 18%, but at 40 is around 38%.

It’s not impossible, but it’s certainly not a given that having a baby at 40 is doable.

I didn't feel like dating until I was 34 and started but it took me to 37 before I met my now DH and we had a challenging journey to parenthood and only managed to have one child when I was already 41. So overall it took me 7 years from starting dating to having a child with a husband.

Obviously you could happen to meet someone tomorrow and have a kid soon but I do think you need to start thinking about it and trying to meet the right person to settle down with so that you hopefully still can have kids when you want. The longer you leave it the less time you have left.
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Jesus Christ almighty. What a ridiculous comment.

Well I’m screwed thought I was going to have kids with my ex partner been together for years and was thinking about kids. I’m 37 tomorrow, so you have plenty of time. Don’t just go for any old person as your worried about not having them, anything can happen you just don’t know

I split from my lazy ex at 30. I knew I wanted kids so I focused on dating and being VERY picky. I wanted a man I could have a family with and specifically looked for that kind of man. I think who you choose to have a child with is the biggest decision you will make. It worked for me.

Met my dh at 34.5, married on my 36th bday and had dd1 10 months later. Dd2 at 39, 4 months before 40. Had planned on a smaller age gap but changed jobs and had to wait for enhanced mat entitlement.

Dh is same age. We had already travelled, started careers, lived alone, had flats etc so felt like great timing for us 😀. We appreciate every day how lucky we are.

People on these threads always blithely suggest freezing your eggs, as though it's a magic bullet to stop the clock. It's not. Success rates for IVF are low and it's expensive and hugely invasive.

If it's important to you that you have a biological child then you risk huge disappointment if you decide to delay it at this point in your life. For every woman who easily gets pregnant at 45, there's another who struggles in her mid/late 30s. You may be one of the lucky ones. You may not. If it's something that is a priority in your life plan, you need to get cracking and actually prioritise it.

Sorry if this sounds blunt. I think it does a huge disservice to women to tell them they can have it all. Sadly that is not a given and women should be telling other women the truth, not lying to them because they think the lie sounds kinder.

This is stuffed full of inaccuracy , where did you get the idea that 3/4 of a woman’s eggs ‘are’ malformed by 40 and ‘will’ cause a miscarriage? Fertility is about a confluence of factors, one being age, womb lining, hormonal timing, ovulation regularity, sperm count and many other things. Yes, 31 is a little late. I conceived at 32 after 3 years of trying and some intervention (Clomid) due to irregular ovulation. The consultant said to me, and it was only her that I relied on for advice , something along these lines, that ‘if you are prone to fertility issues these will happen whether you are 28 or wait until 38. If you are regularly ovulating you should be able to conceive throughout your thirties although it may take longer the older you get. But this doesn’t tell us about your partner’s fertility’. I’d recommend just getting an ovulation kit and checking your cycle . Egg freezing is one thing but the number of successful pregnancies from this is still very low.

I met my husband-to-be at 30, one child only at 38 after three years of trying. I made the decision on my 30th birthday that I was going to put in more effort to find a good man instead of a pretty boy. I'm glad we had our child a bit later. We had quite a few years being able to travel and do very well in our careers. I stopped working for five years to be a sahm. If we'd been a lot younger, that may not have been an option open to us. I was very happy to be able to bring up my little girl without childcare. It was a lovely time, a privilege that not everyone wants or gets, but it was perfect for me.

It depends on how quickly you're comfortable moving from dating to baby. The truth is at 31 and single you've got to be ready to move fast when you do meet someone you're happy with.

I think you have plenty of time, but I'd be actively dating if children were important to you.

I wish to god that I had done this.

I sleepwalked into having children with the person I was in a relationship with through my 20s. Accidental pregnancy turned into family and now I can't leave. I wish I had had your foresight to realise that dating with the goal of finding your family is the way to do this.