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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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24
roxyro · 16/10/2024 13:51

Coruscations · 16/10/2024 11:05

My understanding is that it's down to basic bodily autonomy. If we give the police power to take invasive samples without consent it's a power that could be badly abused. Where does it stop? If the authorities can take teeth impressions whenever they feel like it, what's to stop them deciding they want intimate samples every time they want to intimidate someone?

Edited

Ridiculous. Dental impressions aren’t anymore invasive than having your mouth swabbed for DNA. If it’s necessary then yes, I totally agree she should have been made to have the dental examination. It’s not painful so what’s the problem?

MulinoDarco · 16/10/2024 14:02

I didn't say she should be able to deny it, but that it's possible she couldn't have done them because of gag reflex.

Oh come on. She's on trial for murder and she won't open her mouth cos she is afraid she might vomit. How naive people can be sometimes. Hopefully not the jury.

PumpkinSpicePie · 16/10/2024 14:25

MulinoDarco · 15/10/2024 21:17

"Personally SS should focus on those high categories which consist most abuse - under 1yo, those living with step parents and whichever else it was."

No, that is not good enough. Sara wasn’t under one. Neither were Arthur, Daniel Pelka, Logan Mwangi and countless others... SS should be given enough funding and powers and they should strive to focus on saving as many children as they can. As soon as you start talking about “high priority” that means other cases are free to be ignored. Thats what realistically happens.

No you cant stop abuse of every child, but equally you can not make this an excuse to be compliant and instead try to minimise it by legislation (e.g. no homeschooling, revise of family court shitshows) and a whole lot more funding. Dont let ideal environments where abusers can thrive happen.

The poster didn't only say under 1s. She said those living with step parents, which most of these cases are.

SeniorMamma · 16/10/2024 14:40

Thank you @roxyro glad common sense prevails. The posters insistence on gag reflex is incredibly insensitive seeing what this monster is accused of. I know one isn't supposed to troll hunt, so I won't.

Peonies007 · 16/10/2024 14:47

SeniorMamma · 16/10/2024 14:40

Thank you @roxyro glad common sense prevails. The posters insistence on gag reflex is incredibly insensitive seeing what this monster is accused of. I know one isn't supposed to troll hunt, so I won't.

I'm sorry I didn't mean to be insensitive. I live very close to where it happen and of course want the people to pay for the crime. I was just trying to say (I'm originally from abroad so sometimes things get lost in translation) that she might have opened her mouth and they were physically unable to take samples. I'm definitely not a troll and I definitely think all three should rot in jail.

XDownwiththissortofthingX · 16/10/2024 14:53

roxyro · 16/10/2024 13:51

Ridiculous. Dental impressions aren’t anymore invasive than having your mouth swabbed for DNA. If it’s necessary then yes, I totally agree she should have been made to have the dental examination. It’s not painful so what’s the problem?

The "problem" is that there is no legal means to force her compliance.

glad common sense prevails

In what way is asserting that the police should ignore the law, deprive people of their legal rights, and assault them to obtain evidence "common sense"?

Fizbosshoes · 16/10/2024 15:18

Completely off topic but I was expecting the horrible moulds that make you gag the last time I took DS to the orthodontist but they did it via x ray and had a computer image that i think they took a 3d print from.

DalRiata · 16/10/2024 15:25

XDownwiththissortofthingX · 16/10/2024 14:53

The "problem" is that there is no legal means to force her compliance.

glad common sense prevails

In what way is asserting that the police should ignore the law, deprive people of their legal rights, and assault them to obtain evidence "common sense"?

Yes but what you are repeatedly missing is that many posters feel that it should be legal in extreme cases, like the torture and murder of a child, to obtain evidence such as this. You disagree and that is fine. But people are allowed to question the law, and to express our disapproval of it.
You seem to be having a hard time grasping this and have been quite tiresome with your pedantic obsession on this woman being treated with maximum respect and sensitivity.
I'm not suprised you are now being accused of trolling because your attitude comes across as perverse on a thread where the majority of us are feeling heartsick over the brutal murder of an innocent little girl. But you want to keep bleating on about the stepmothers innocence. I can only conclude you are a relative or a troll.

greenday16B · 16/10/2024 16:35

Marcipex · 15/10/2024 17:55

@greenday16B ignorance yourself, it was used to hide the bruises.

So if there was no hijab, they would have seen the bruises and the poor wee kid might be alive?
I'm sorry but the racist RW will be loving this, actually they already are.

MulinoDarco · 16/10/2024 17:28

PumpkinSpicePie · 16/10/2024 14:25

The poster didn't only say under 1s. She said those living with step parents, which most of these cases are.

Same result. Applying criteria results in disregarding many cases, given funding constraints.

XDownwiththissortofthingX · 16/10/2024 17:37

DalRiata · 16/10/2024 15:25

Yes but what you are repeatedly missing is that many posters feel that it should be legal in extreme cases, like the torture and murder of a child, to obtain evidence such as this. You disagree and that is fine. But people are allowed to question the law, and to express our disapproval of it.
You seem to be having a hard time grasping this and have been quite tiresome with your pedantic obsession on this woman being treated with maximum respect and sensitivity.
I'm not suprised you are now being accused of trolling because your attitude comes across as perverse on a thread where the majority of us are feeling heartsick over the brutal murder of an innocent little girl. But you want to keep bleating on about the stepmothers innocence. I can only conclude you are a relative or a troll.

I haven't said a word about her innocence other that to remind the people calling for her to be assaulted that she is, in fact, innocent.

If you think the law is incorrect, then normal people petition for the law to be changed, not repeatedly assert that people should have their rights ignored, the law broken, considered guilty as soon as they are arrested, and assaulted by police to force compliance.

Frankly, it's ridiculous that I'm the one being accused of trolling, when all I've done is try to honestly answer questions and explain why the police can't just go ignoring the law, and this thread is full of users claiming they'd happily beat seven bells out of innocent people.

roxyro · 16/10/2024 17:45

greenday16B · 16/10/2024 16:35

So if there was no hijab, they would have seen the bruises and the poor wee kid might be alive?
I'm sorry but the racist RW will be loving this, actually they already are.

Wow! You need to sort your moral compass.

greenday16B · 16/10/2024 17:55

roxyro · 16/10/2024 17:45

Wow! You need to sort your moral compass.

I have no idea what you mean. It was a rhetorical question?

caramac04 · 16/10/2024 18:28

I’ll probably be flamed for this but I would execute all 3 adults in that house.
The abuse that Sarah suffered was horrific and let’s not forget another child was probably living in terror also.

Justwanttocheck · 16/10/2024 18:45

PumpkinSpicePie · 15/10/2024 16:03

I agree.

I home educate and I have been shunned by the fb ‘support’ groups as I agree to six monthly contact from the LA (one home visit per year and a follow up call) They all refuse and even refuse to give samples of their child’s work. I’m more than happy to have a visit but they had such a go at me. The culture around home ed can be toxic and we feel quite isolated due to it . Something needs to be changed to safeguard all children surely if you’ve not got anything to hide you don’t mind a visit! Imagine if schools refused to engage with Ofsted or refused to show parents work !

MulinoDarco · 16/10/2024 18:52

caramac04 · 16/10/2024 18:28

I’ll probably be flamed for this but I would execute all 3 adults in that house.
The abuse that Sarah suffered was horrific and let’s not forget another child was probably living in terror also.

Not from me you won't get flamed. If evidence suggests they've all contributed to this, then yes.

littleducks · 16/10/2024 19:40

I was really pleased that they were found and arrested in Pakistan as when I heard they had fled I was expecting that they had got away. The Pakistani police supplied alot of pressure arresting family members. The video they made at the time was very odd. www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/police-arrest-10-relatives-sara-30905134?int_source=amp_continue_reading&int_medium=amp&int_campaign=continue_reading_button#amp-readmore-target

I do wonder if the other children remained in Pakistan or returned to the UK. I guess that we will likely never know for their privacy. I am not sure that we can assume that they weren't abused too particularly the older son. Wherever they are now I hope they are being loved and cared for like they should have been originally.

HaveYouSeenRain · 16/10/2024 19:56

Last I read the children are in Pakistan and Surrey Council has asked for them to come back. maybe this has happened but wasn’t reported.

I feel very sad for them too, what they have witnessed and seen, lost their sister and now they are separated from their parents, friends, school, and living in a completely different country (presumably).

howrudeforme · 16/10/2024 20:50

I understand that the eldest child is Sara’s full brother. The other children are half siblings.

Looks like the violence went on for a long time. it goes to show that the hatred for an ex partner can be much greater than the love for their child. He had the upper hand. The mother was denied contact over time. But more will come about her and why she lost custody.

this stuff about Sara being naughty is nonsense, surely? The abuse went on for a long time and if a child is subject to violence surely they will soon learn to be subdued and not display ‘naughty’ behaviour?

Chowtime · 16/10/2024 21:24

Surrey Council has asked for them to come back

Why would they do that?

golf7 · 16/10/2024 21:31

hotpotlover · 15/10/2024 16:45

I know people hope that other prisoners will hurt them, but sadly that won't happen. They will be classed as vulnerable prisoners and they will live with other prisoners who have hurt children as well.

Even amongst VPs there's a pecking order so to speak. I know where they are headed for if convicted and I will encounter them at some stage. I have wrestled with whether I can do my job anymore

OctoberOctopus · 16/10/2024 22:08

golf7 · 16/10/2024 21:31

Even amongst VPs there's a pecking order so to speak. I know where they are headed for if convicted and I will encounter them at some stage. I have wrestled with whether I can do my job anymore

Surely you shouldn't be commenting on here then.

Zebrashavestripes · 16/10/2024 22:28

Justwanttocheck · 16/10/2024 18:45

I home educate and I have been shunned by the fb ‘support’ groups as I agree to six monthly contact from the LA (one home visit per year and a follow up call) They all refuse and even refuse to give samples of their child’s work. I’m more than happy to have a visit but they had such a go at me. The culture around home ed can be toxic and we feel quite isolated due to it . Something needs to be changed to safeguard all children surely if you’ve not got anything to hide you don’t mind a visit! Imagine if schools refused to engage with Ofsted or refused to show parents work !

It might seem strange to you, but the other parents are acting legally.

Not nice to shun you though!

HaveYouSeenRain · 16/10/2024 22:30

Chowtime · 16/10/2024 21:24

Surrey Council has asked for them to come back

Why would they do that?

Maybe because they are British children and rhey are worried for their safety?

”The older brother and half-siblings of the 10-year-old schoolgirl Sara Sharif, who was found dead at the home of her father and stepmother in August, have been made wards of court in this country.
Despite efforts by Surrey county council to secure their return to the UK, all five children, aged one to 13, remain in Pakistan where they were taken by their father, Urfan Sharif, and the mother of the younger four siblings, Beinash Batool, the day before Sara’s body was discovered by police on 10 August.

Reporting restrictions continue to apply to almost every detail of what has taken place in the family court proceedings in the high court in London involving the surviving children. But following a joint application by the Observer, the BBC and the Press Association, it can now be reported that Surrey county council has applied to a high court in Lahore, Pakistan to seek the return of the five siblings“

Mookie81 · 16/10/2024 22:41

PumpkinSpicePie · 15/10/2024 16:44

The father informed the school she was to be home schooled with immediate effect. Informing the school is all you have to do as far as I know.

In my area we can't take a child off roll unless the parent informs us in writing of their new school, and the new school confirms they have started there. I can't speak for everywhere else.