Risking a flaming but jealous of those on weight loss injections

[Notmyfinesthours]

I’ve specifically not put this in the weight loss section as I’d rather hear from those who aren’t dieting or thinking about it. Might help me find perspective better.

I am not overweight. I never have been.
I have however had what feels like a lifetime of making sure this is the case.

I suspect many women feel like me. Brought up to fear being fat or greedy or ‘let myself go’ as if it were the worst sin.

Ive skirted close to or actually been in the midst of orthorexia for most of my adult life. Always saying no to pudding, finding the latest food that will fill me up but not have too many calories and fixating on it before I find the next one. Exercising most days, fitting it in by missing lie ins or nights in front of the fire.

Fretting in pregnancy, menopause and any ill health leading to immobility that it might trigger weight gain.

you get the picture? Self flagellation is big driven by an instilled fear of being fat given to many in my generation (I’m 58) (and yes I know I should address this first- I am trying but the media doesn’t help)

Several of my friends and family are big eaters, always seem to have the toastie and cake when we are out and by their own admissions do little exercise. They have often jokingly talked about being slimmer but say they like food too much and ‘have no willpower’ and can’t be bothered to deny themselves for the sake of a few dress sizes.

I know it’s more complex than that but they basically enjoy life in the way it should be enjoyed to my mind and accept they will be a bit larger bodied. I’ve actually always really admired this as an attitude or at least been a bit jealous of it.

But with the new weight loss injections several of them have dropped weight significantly and are so slim and delighted.

I just feel so cheated. Like I’ve been so careful for so long and they haven’t but they get to be slim just with an injection.

I know it’s more complicated, I know it costs them money, might have risks etc but it’s clear so many celebs are doing the same and it feels like it’s not going to be more commonplace.

Why is this making me feel cheated and am I just an awful person?

It's not unsurprising that people are enthusiastic about a medication that is effective at treating what has been a lifelong struggle for many, and that is affordable and accessible for many of those people.

If there's something that will help a person who is morbidly obese to lose the weight effectively and improve their health, then it's utterly reasonable to tell them about it.

See this is the problem. Extreme positions. Characterising others as "haters" without really understanding how others actually experience things.

The unfortunate reality is, if you are slim, or even overweight as opposed to obese, even if that has taken a lot of effort for you, it confers privilege in some ways. You won't be discriminated against because of your size. You don't have to worry about whether you'll exceed weight limits on activities, fit into seats, etc. I think it's a bit much to expect sympathy from people struggling with obesity for a slim person's struggles to keep their weight down. I'm not saying it isn't hard, but there's a whole layer of stuff as a slim person that you are not dealing with that someone living with obesity will be.

The problem with saying "I'm slim but have worked hard to be successful at keeping the weight off" is it can sound like a moral superiority thing to an overweight or obese person who has tried many times and failed. It implies "I'm a success and you're a failure" even if you don't intend it to.

Likewise, if someone believes the weight loss injections are an "easy way out", get their info and perception from celebrities obtaining them by the back door and sensational headlines and don't understand the science behind the drugs or the reality of being on them, they are more likely to feel resentment and like it's an unfair advantage. Of course that makes total sense.

It sucks for a slim person who has chosen to work hard to maintain the weight they want to be to feel like you are being put at some kind of disadvantage. But it also sucks to feel like people are looking down on you because you couldn't do what they did without medical help.

Ultimately what seems to be affecting both groups here is that it's not nice to feel that others resent you for what they perceive as "having an easier time of it" when you don't actually feel you are having an easy time of it at all. The hurt comes from the lack of willingness to understand the other's experience and be mindful that we don't always know what someone else has been through.

I didn't separate people into size anywhere in my post did I? You have summarised (wrongly) that I was pitching fat versus thin.

I separated them into people who think and work at weight management and those who don't.

There are plenty of healthy weight category people who work hard at weight management and plenty of healthy weight category people who don't. There are plenty of over weight category people who work hard at weight management and plenty who don't and so on. I learnt that when I was an inpatient for anorexia - there were staff on the ward who were perhaps only slightly heavier than me but they weren't starving themselves to death and 24/7 striving for smaller numbers on the scale and I learnt a hard lesson about cause variation.

My point was that it is human nature to feel envy at watching other people achieve something (that you have most likely wrongly perceived as them achieving easily) that you have worked for. It wasn't about fat versus thin or a value judgement regarding who deserves it more. I'll openly admit that I'm very jealous of lottery winners who win the jackpot when I have to slog my guts out at a job I don't particularly like, to make ends meet. I just haven't got to the point where I can feel no jealousy about it. So kill me, for this very human flaw. I was making a point about those berating the OP for not being someone being spirited and psychologically complete enough to really live out the 'comparison is the thief of joy' ethos and to purely focus on their own achievement and be able to discard jealousy or comparison. I haven't met many people like that in life.

@IhateSPSS I think the point being missed here is that the weight loss medications are for people with a BMI over 30. They are medicine to assist with weight loss. They on their own do not lead to weight loss. They help the individual taking them diet. There is no quick fix, no easy solution, they are there to assist with dieting.

So, what is there to feel jealous of. If a person has worked hard all their life to be slim, they have enjoyed being slim. They have achieved their goal and should be proud of their own achievement. The weightloss medication will help those do the hard work to achieve that goal too. What is there to be jealous of?

The thing about envy, bitterness, resentment, is it only harms the person feeling it . It’s not going to change the fact medication is now available. No matter how much any one feels put out by it. It is a fact that won’t change. In fact it will become even more available. With better and better drugs coming on the market. So people who feel any form of negative feeling should really try to make their peace.

I don't think there are many people who beyond about 40 don't work at weight management and/or struggle with their weight. I read the other day that between 55 and 65, 80% of men are overweight and obese, women only just slightly less. I should imagine the amount of people who don't need to think about weight in an obesogenic environment where food is nutritionally less valuable compared to in the past is very few indeed. There might be a minority, but I don't know any and I don't know any women friends who haven't put on weight in mid-life even if they were very slim up til that point- me included.

@MargoLivebetter well as this thread has educated me (as well as others I am guessing) there's nothing to be jealous of because it actually sounds like a very hard journey.

I didn't know that there were often gastro issues, and that you basically can't eat what you want. I didn't know what I didn't know. I did actually look at buying Weygovy from Boots (or another provider that sells monthly injections for £139) but I would have had to lie on the form, which I did consider because anorexia never really goes away and lying is part of the deal 😬 but as I try to restrict myself to 1400 calories a day anyway Weygovy probably wouldn't have the intended loss and control that my mental health issue wants. And that's probably where I'm coming from with the jealousy aspect too. But I was uneducated about it.

@IhateSPSS I suspect media coverage doesn't help. They love a good fatty vs skinny fight. The media seem to be particularly enjoying finding people who have illegally or fraudulently got hold of weight loss injections and had a disaster with them. And more recently stirring up a whole load of anti-unemployed fatty sentiment too following the Government deal with Lilly and the announcement of the trial.

Im sorry it makes no sense

Wanting to have something that someone else has, to the degree that you dont want the other person to have it (as OP has implied) is not normal.

It makes no odds to me what someone else has or doesnt have in their life. I would like more money yes, I would like a bigger house, yes etc etc

You say you dont have the ability not to be jealous when someone else has something. I think thats something you need to do something about. Im ok, you're ok, is a good book to start with that.

I also think people don’t realise that there is a difference between envy and jealousy. Being envious in this situation (ie wanting what they have) is probably fairly normal. I’m envious of people winning the lottery… I’d like to win it too. Jealousy is different and involves fearing losing something you value to someone else, and that’s what I don’t understand in this situation. Why would other people having access to weight loss injections take anything away from you?

ETA I mean ‘you’ in the general sense, not you specifically 😁

Correct. Thats what I was trying to say, couldnt remember the word envy!!!

Yes, you are spot on. I haven't used envy/jealousy correctly.

The emotions (including envy) are certainly very complex.

Imagine, I've spent 30 years envying my slim friends (and I know they know this; there has always been an unspoken but very real sense of superiority)

Now, it seems they are likely to envy me. For having the same as them (a slim and healthy body eventually) I won't have more than they have, I'm just levelling up with them. We will be the same. For once. In fact, they possibly still have the upper hand as they haven't created some irreversible health effects like me, as they have been slim all their lives.

So essentially, some people want fat people to stay fat. To feel superior. They don't want them levelling up as that means they no longer have a valid reason to feel superior?

It really does seem quite odd to envy someone who has essentially the same. I've always thought of envy in the terms of those who have something you feel like it may be impossible to ever attain, like a neighbour winning the lottery and buying a villa in Corfu.

But the fact that as a fat person, I've envied slim people my whole life as it didn't seem attainable to me has now led me to believe that I need to keep quiet about weight loss drugs as I'll still be seen as inferior / having 'cheated' etc etc.

I do feel that way about it - it currently feels pretty life changing for me, in a way nothing else ever has. It has improved so many areas of my life - and I'm not talking about massive weight loss. So yes, I feel incredibly positive about it.

I was having a weight loss discussion with a friend, I picked 56kg as an arbitrary goal weight & 28 jeans. She’s very attractive & alpha female.

’Ah, she said, come on, that’s what I weigh!’

A lovely woman but this came out unchecked…

It’s about status, power, respect & who gets first dibs & natural order of things now being challenged as some see it.

I think there probably are people who are experiencing jealousy about weight loss injections though, and the thing they fear they are losing is their competitive advantage.

When I lost 3 stone, I went out with a group of 3 friends. They all said things like ‘you need to stop losing weight now’, ‘don’t take it too far’, ‘you’re looking too skinny’. All 3 of them were slimmer than me, despite my weight loss 🙄.

@WiserOlderElf did you challenge them? Wish I had now, a, ‘what ARE you saying’ with a wry raised eyebrow.

I’ve also had it in the pub with a friend, who was larger than me, random man ‘Ahh the fat friend’…Awful.

Christ!

Stay in your lane fatty!

I've also had this in the past when I lost 3 stone. I was told "now, now, we can't have you losing any more" Bottom line is , they were afraid I'd look more 'attractive' than them. So self esteem is also an issue (see also the type of women who don't like to socialise with you any more when you're single as you might be after their husband!)

After being completely invisible at 50 with my weight loss I have suddenly become visible again and it’s unnerving. I was enjoying my invisibility so find the attention jarring. I am slimmer, I look much younger than I did. I think I now look more attractive as a result. Increased confidence and enjoying shopping again.

Omg! Just enjoy your weight loss and stop judging people who might say thoughtless things. If you are happy with the way you look then literally why does it matter what other people say??

Maybe they were just trying to make conversation? Not everyone's obsessed with other women's weight loss!

They were the ones talking about it, not me 😂

Honestly, you are trying so hard to make people who have lost weight, believe they are the problem.

Trying to make conversation by commenting on whether someone should lose more weight or not?

Who said everyone is obsessed? They were making conversation about the posters weight loss, current weight and future weight. That poster was talking about that one situation?

Why is it so important to you, to tell people who were actually there that they misread the conversation? Or defend people you don’t know and didn’t witness the conversation? Even to the point you contradict yourself?