Risking a flaming but jealous of those on weight loss injections

[Notmyfinesthours]

I’ve specifically not put this in the weight loss section as I’d rather hear from those who aren’t dieting or thinking about it. Might help me find perspective better.

I am not overweight. I never have been.
I have however had what feels like a lifetime of making sure this is the case.

I suspect many women feel like me. Brought up to fear being fat or greedy or ‘let myself go’ as if it were the worst sin.

Ive skirted close to or actually been in the midst of orthorexia for most of my adult life. Always saying no to pudding, finding the latest food that will fill me up but not have too many calories and fixating on it before I find the next one. Exercising most days, fitting it in by missing lie ins or nights in front of the fire.

Fretting in pregnancy, menopause and any ill health leading to immobility that it might trigger weight gain.

you get the picture? Self flagellation is big driven by an instilled fear of being fat given to many in my generation (I’m 58) (and yes I know I should address this first- I am trying but the media doesn’t help)

Several of my friends and family are big eaters, always seem to have the toastie and cake when we are out and by their own admissions do little exercise. They have often jokingly talked about being slimmer but say they like food too much and ‘have no willpower’ and can’t be bothered to deny themselves for the sake of a few dress sizes.

I know it’s more complex than that but they basically enjoy life in the way it should be enjoyed to my mind and accept they will be a bit larger bodied. I’ve actually always really admired this as an attitude or at least been a bit jealous of it.

But with the new weight loss injections several of them have dropped weight significantly and are so slim and delighted.

I just feel so cheated. Like I’ve been so careful for so long and they haven’t but they get to be slim just with an injection.

I know it’s more complicated, I know it costs them money, might have risks etc but it’s clear so many celebs are doing the same and it feels like it’s not going to be more commonplace.

Why is this making me feel cheated and am I just an awful person?

To be honest, I get it.

But for every feeling you have put here, people on the injections or overweight people not injections feel these negative feelings to.

You talk about a sense of shame around gaining weight. Do you think those of us that are overweight don’t, often, feel that sense of shame. A lot of the time, all day every day.

You have skirted orthorexia your whole life. People who are overweight and have been in the middle of disordered eating the whole time they have been overweight. Not on the edge.

These friends who make jokes about not wanting to give up food to be slim, probably don’t feel comfortable telling anyone the truth. Very few people are overweight to the point, they qualify for these injections without any negative feelings about themselves.

Whilst I can of get your feeling, essentially, you are pissed off because you think overweight people just don’t try hard enough and have had a better outlook, relationship with food and and haven’t punished themselves in the way you have. But now they will be slim.

Overweight people, who are taking these injections are not genuinely happy at their weight. If they were, they wouldn’t be taking injections. It will also take effort and time to get to slim.

As someone who has always managed to remain slim, you don’t get it. Which is fine, but your feelings come from you thinking you get it. I was thin my whole life. Until my life imploded and then a series of other life events led to my mental health being in the toilet. I put weight on. Which made a condition I have worse. Which made me more exhausted and increased my cravings. I then couldn’t continue exercising which made my adhd worse. Between everything I couldn’t get a grip of my weight. I could say ok to cake, but then would find myself binging at night. Think of it like alcoholism. Do you feel jealous of people who are alcoholics and get given medication so they can no longer drink?

But what impact does it have on you, if other people are slim? I am sorry you have so many issues around food. But other people getting help for their issues around food doesn’t impact you. At all.

I think this is just what happens after years of being fat being thought of being some sort of moral failing and people attaching large parts of their self worth to their weight.

Your friends on injections will be eating a calorie deficit to lose weight, same as anyone does to lose weight. They aren't eating the same as they were before and it's magically being melted away.

I think there's a more interesting discussion that is starting to be had in medical circles about why some people do have to struggle all their lives to maintain a healthy weight and why others find their body naturally regulates their intake and they don't have to consciously think or control their diet much. There's some really interesting research about hormones and the part they play in hunger and appetite.

It was a revelation to me when I realised that actually when a slim friend would say they just didn't fancy more cake or they were full after a smallish portion, they actually meant it. I assumed they had some sort of insane willpower. MJ makes me feel like I imagine they feel.

People who are on MJ have almost certainly had to dig deep to find a lot of willpower in the past. Being on and off diets your entire life is incredibly hard work. I'm fortunate that weight for me has only been an issue for the past 5/6 years since having children, so haven't had the lifelong struggle some overweight people have had. Before children I was pretty self-regulatory too.

And I had every last shred of self confidence destroyed by a father who told me my entire childhood that I was fat, even when I wasn’t

you could really benefit from some counselling I think. This jealousy isn’t jealousy, I think it’s the loathing and fear from your formative years.

you could do with forgiving yourself first and foremost and resetting your relationship with yourself

It’s such a complex thing
All I would say is that my friends probably don’t think I feel any self loathing and I probably come across relaxed and comfortable in my own skin:
but underneath there is MASSIVE self loathing. Massive frustration and bafflement over years and years about why I can’t just eat less. Self disgust when I over eat and binge.

The thing is though it’s not without sacrifice. Even if you don’t experience side effects and most people have at least some, these injections take a lot of the joy out of food and eating. I’m on them and my husband is a huge foodie, loves going out for meals. Going to restaurants is now a bit of a waste of money because I don’t enjoy it.

I feel a lot like this, @Notmyfinesthours! I'm much further along the self-acceptance route but have certainly been where you are, including full-on anorexia. Not coincidentally, many women were envious of that! Such is the cultural imperative to be slim 😒

I'm stable at the very top of my 'healthy' BMI. I'm fat and technically obese, as a quick glance at my wobbly belly would confirm. I can't embark on a strict diet because of the past anorexia. It's quite difficult to resist getting some GLP-1 by lying to an online doctor - I've even done a successful dry run! The thought of being able to drop that troublesome 10kg without reactivating the diet obsession is very appealing.

We may hope that more permissive prescribing of low-dose regimes will soon happen 🤞🏻

I get what you're saying OP - you've spent your whole life watching your weight and going without in order to be/stay slim - but the people who haven't now have a jab that makes them slim without them having to deny themselves anything. You feel they've cheated - or at least that you've been cheated.

I think you feel like these women have 'cheated' and somehow managed to have their cake and eat it!

That for every time you said no and they said yes the outcome has been the same. Do remember these women will have probably spent many years feeling jealous of you and wishing they could lose weight, they clearly wnated too even if they said they were happy with their weight as they wouldn't have had the injections otherwise.

I don't think it's cheating or a bad thing, nobody is stopping you gaining weight then taking the jabs to lose it all. Is it the healthiest way to live? No. But it isn't an option that's closed off to you either, it's like being jealous of somebody who has new shoes when you have two perfectly good feet you could go and buy new shoes for if you wanted.

Perhaps focus less on what other people are doing and more on your own relationship with food. Maybe work on saying yes to the toastie or cake sometimes so it doesn't feel like you have lived a life of total denial while also balancing it with exercise and careful eating the majority of the time. Be glad that you are healthy and happy.

I don't get this way of thinking, but I can see why you might be a bit jealous.

Thing is, they are only going to stay slimmer if they stay on the injections. I've been on them and am coming off them and it's very hard to control your appetite off them.

You also got to be slim and the benefits of that for your 30's, 40's and 50's, I'm guessing most of them, like me, put the weight on in 30's and only got it off again in 50's.

Finally, these jabs have side effects, and the result is not the same as being slim by exercise and good diet for decades- you do lose muscle when you lose a lot of weight, and if you are eating crap but low calories, then that crap will still be a negative for your body.

Ultimately weight is not fair. I was very thin naturally as a teenager, twenties and thirties. It was fab I wasn't doing anything, it just was how I was. Til I wasn't. Then it's been a struggle ever since.

I think it's a shame you have spent a lot of your life trapped by worries about weight but if you want to make it equal, you could drop all your exercise, put loads on, see what society thinks and behaves towards you, and then get the weight loss injections. I'm betting that's not appealing to you. You don't really want to be them, you just wish you were more relaxed about your own body.

Hmm. I’m overweight. I go to the gym most days. I weightlift 3x a week, do 3 spin classes a week, walk the dog an hour a day and cycle long bike rides at the weekend. I say no to cake, haven’t drunk any alcohol in years due to calories. I think I’m careful, am still overweight. I eat ryvita and stuff like warburton thins with cottage cheese, salads. Am still overweight. And like you I’ve been careful for so long.

anyway you’ll be glad to know I’ve been injecting mounjaro for six months and am still overweight. 😁. I seem to be immune to dieting, immune to exercise and immune to miracle weightloss drugs 😆😆😆😆

I am also still slightly overweight on BMI on Wegovy, so it isn't a miracle cure for slimness. I'm going to take the win of being smaller and more able to exercise, but I am not slim on them and never will be, I'm happy with that.

Literally this

You do know that’s not how the injections work? They don’t melt the fat away? People still have to “deny themselves”. It’s just meant to help with the denying yourself. 🤷‍♀️. But they can’t eat cake all day and lose weight.

You sound angry that you weren't happier in yourself or less scared of not looking 'perfect'. I don't blame you - diet culture is very pervasive and damaging - but you're not going to get anywhere by being jealous of other people for having a different self-image: you probably could do with working on your own self-image though and unpicking how you feel about yourself.

I don't think you are mean or awful, you are just self aware and honest enough to admit to your feelings - they are quite reasonable in my opinion.

Obviously people who are overweight/obese have the "food noise" to contend with - you appear to have been able to convert that to an internal voice telling you to resist treats and reduce food intake to control your weight, even if you'd like to eat more. So neither group are "stopping eating naturally when full" - it's two sides of same coin.

Try to let go of any bitter feeling of unfairness.

Your post was really interesting and honest BTW, So ignore the sanctimonious meanies!

If you had compassion for yourself, you would have compassion and value for others a bit more and you wouldnt be left with irrational feelings like this

There was a long thread running the other day about just this thing, what is the real motivation behind people that poo poo weight loss achievements by those on injections or surgery. At least you can recognise this and work on it

I'm younger than you, but brought up by a boomer, and have a very similar mind set.
It doesn't sound as though I have been quite as self denying as you throughout the years, but I beat myself up if I go over a certain amount of calories a day, avoid sweet and fatty stuff as much as I possibly can. My BMI has always been in the healthy weight range, though I pretty much always feel fat and would like to be slimmer. I love my food, and it's a struggle. I definitely on obsess over my weight.
I don't know anyone in RL on ozempic but feel the way you do towards the celebs who are on it.
However, I console myself by thinking the following:
I am convinced it's more healthy to maintain a healthy lifestyle rather than take a drug. As another poster has said, a lot will have already damaged their bodies.
Ozempic takes away enjoyment of food.
It's no replacement for exercise and the way that makes you look and feel.
Is not as satisfying as knowing you've maintained a healthy weight as a result of hard work rather than having an injection.

They won't be eating like that while they are on the injections though!

They may look at you being able to feel hungry & eat normally & feel jealous.

The people I know who have used them have found them to be effective & life saving in terms of reversing illness such as diabetes & cutting risk of cancer etc but they severely restrict your ability to eat normally, they never feel hungry or enjoy eating & often feel over full & nauseous from eating small, healthy portions. They definitely aren't having toasties & cake.

I absolutely get what you are saying @Notmyfinesthours I go back and fourth with it. I have a vague plan to either lie about my weight or go to a doctor who will prescribe it to me. But then I think I will just be immune to it like @DanielaDressen any then I have put myself in danger of the risks.

The times I have got to my lower weight of 8stone 2 I have been sooooo happy. But I can’t seem to keep it. I eat like a toddler and have exercised constantly for over 20 years. I wish I could lose this 20 lbs but it seems stuck to me and it is with constant denial and vigilance.

I think you are speaking for many women of your generation including me, who have denied themselves dessert, pizza, sugar, cakes, treats, and disciplined themselves to rigorously exercise to avoid gaining weight and stay at a physique that they feel comfortable with and deem acceptable.

I have friends on Ozempic who in their lives have weighed less than they do now but for various reasons have gained weight. I don't want to take Ozempic and I get other benefits from exercising and eating healthily but I totally get what you are saying about feeling a bit aggrieved that they can lose or maintain their weight in a seemingly easier way.

Avoiding comfort food, not eating everything I want to, being mindful about food consumption, and getting up early to exercise every day is hard. But if you want to do it enough you can. Just my opinion.

Lol

Yes those people should definitely stay fat, so much better!

A life avoiding food and getting fat just sounds miserable. You don't have to live like that.

I’ve just had small jacket potato and two tablespoons of cottage cheese. I feel like I’ve swallowed two bricks and need a lie down now. It’s definitely not an easy fix and it’s bloody boring as well.

I'm on MJ and haven't had cake or chocolate since I started it. The difference it makes is that I don't feel deprived or that I particularly want to eat it in the first place. I can take it or leave it and so far have just left it.

I do very much still enjoy food generally though, possibly even more than pre-MJ because I know I'm not going to overeat it so it's all free of guilt. I savour what I eat and feel satisfied when I've had enough.

My diet wasn't unhealthy before but it's certainly more healthy now as because I'm eating less, I am more careful about choosing nourishing foods v relying on volume. But I'm eating about 1200 calories a day, same as I would on a standard 'diet'. I just don't feel faint and hungry the entire time while doing it.

I didn't say that I feel like that! Just that I get what the OP is saying. Like her, I've spent a lifetime denying myself, but actually I think weight loss jabs are great for those that need them. Some people are wired differently, so they need the extra help. But we, as a nation, need to be healthier, the NHS is creaking under the strain, and the large number of overweight and obese in our population add hugely to the strain on the health service, so anything that helps is good IMO.