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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to complain about this Dr interaction?

92 replies

Swellbowler23 · 14/10/2024 09:49

I should start by saying my Dr's surgery is excellent. I am very lucky in that generally I never struggle with appointments and am always generally pleased with the service. I had an appointment this morning and it was a different GP to one I've ever seen. He struck me as quite different when I walked in as this GP was wearing a hat (almost like a straw hat) and a Hawaiian type shirt, he seemed really jolly and friendly which was great. We started talking about my issue which was related to chronic chest issues. Suddenly, out of seemingly no where, he asked if "the curtains matched the drapes", I was confused and said excuse me and he repeated, this time gesturing at my hair (which is dyed an unusual colour) and then sort of nodded down indicating my pubic area. I was really shocked and sort of laughed awkwardly and said no. I was completely taken off guard. He laughed and then carried on with the appointment as though nothing had happened. I left feeling completely bemused and when I got home couldn't stop thinking about it and how even if it was just a joke, it made me uncomfortable. I wish I'd said something at the time but I was rrally taken aback. WIBU to speak to the surgery about this. Part of me feels like I'm making a big deal over a throw away comment but another part of me feels it was totally inappropriate.

OP posts:
Swellbowler23 · 14/10/2024 09:59

Little bump.

OP posts:
hailholyqueen · 14/10/2024 10:02

I don't think you're being unreasonable, that sounds totally inappropriate. I would write an email to the practice manager. I'm sorry you had to deal with this. Flowers

FeatherBoat · 14/10/2024 10:03

It is definitely a big deal!

Moonpye · 14/10/2024 10:06

Definitely say something that's outrageous

Greybeardy · 14/10/2024 10:10

was he definitely a doctor?!

wheretoyougonow · 14/10/2024 10:10

Contact the Practice Manager and let them know your experience. I have a suspicion that you won't be the only person that's complained.

Sorry that he spoke to you like this. Completely inappropriate and unprofessional at the very least.

Swellbowler23 · 14/10/2024 10:11

Thank you- part of me was sure it was inappropriate but a tiny voice is saying, well maybe i misinterpreted (though i dont know how). I don't know why I feel so embarrassed at the thought of writing it all out in an email as it seems so silly, but I will. I'm genuinely not easily offended and can take a joke but think if he felt that appropriate to say, what else does he think is OK?

OP posts:
Username19832756 · 14/10/2024 10:11

That is absolutely disgusting!! You poor thing, that would so upset me! DEFINITELY make a complaint!

MrsSkylerWhite · 14/10/2024 10:13

Completely inappropriate.
As was his dress: I wouldn’t want to receive bad news from a clown.
Was he a locum?

Swellbowler23 · 14/10/2024 10:13

Oh my god, hope he wasn't some random that sneaked in! He seemed to know the systems and think he had a nhs badge/I.d so think he was definitely a GP but possibly a locum.

OP posts:
Swellbowler23 · 14/10/2024 10:15

MrsSkylerWhite · 14/10/2024 10:13

Completely inappropriate.
As was his dress: I wouldn’t want to receive bad news from a clown.
Was he a locum?

I hadn't even considered that about his clothing being a bit inappropriate in some circumstances, it just threw me off as he didn't look like your typical Dr!

OP posts:
ispecialiseinthis · 14/10/2024 10:15

Yes, complain - even if using hair dye is relevant to your symptoms, there is away to ask without making insinuations.
Also check whether you saw a doctor - not saying a doctor would never do this.

ispecialiseinthis · 14/10/2024 10:17

Swellbowler23 · 14/10/2024 10:13

Oh my god, hope he wasn't some random that sneaked in! He seemed to know the systems and think he had a nhs badge/I.d so think he was definitely a GP but possibly a locum.

Lots of allied health professionals will know the IT system in the practice. Inappropriate from whoever it may have been but unlikely (I would hope) that it was someone off the street

Milesandmilesandmiles · 14/10/2024 10:18

I would report that to the practice manager and to the GMC. Honestly I would! That’s a really inappropriate and potentially sexually motivated thing to say to a patient (it had absolutely no clinical relevance as nothing to do with your presenting complaint)

Hedgerow2 · 14/10/2024 10:19

Very inappropriate indeed. Definitely email the practice manager.

OrwellianTimes · 14/10/2024 10:22

Write to the practice manager, utterly unacceptable.

Swellbowler23 · 14/10/2024 10:25

Thank you all. I KNEW in my heart of hearts ot was inappropriate but felt very conflicted about taking it further, I'm not a "complainer". Definitely feel less like I'm making a fuss over nothing now.

OP posts:
Mischance · 14/10/2024 10:27

Absolutely inappropriate - complain.

MissyPants · 14/10/2024 10:32

He sounds like an oddball.
People are free to dress as they choose yes, but first impressions count. I wouldn't take anyone seriously if they were dressed as if they were at a Honolulu Hawaiian fancy dress party, advising me on my health.
It's a professional setting!
He sounds carefree, happy go lucky type yes, but he definitely went a step too far.
You went in about chest issues and he somehow managed to make it about your vagina. That is totally not ok. I'm sick of this shit that us women are subjected to, just for being a woman. He wouldn't have said it if it had been a man.
Absolutely complain. I have a lot of respect for Doctors as I generally see them as very educated people, but what he did was very very unprofessional and I am appalled for you. I hope you are ok.

needsomewarmsunshine · 14/10/2024 10:36

About her vagina? I thought he was referring to the colour of pubic hair😁Def report this person.

FictionalCharacter · 14/10/2024 10:39

Unprofessional, creepy and sexist. No man would say that to another man.

Irridescantshimmmer · 14/10/2024 10:41

That is very very creeeeeepy, I would hae caught him off guard and referred to the windows in the room havin blinds or something and would have refused to answer his stupid question.

Its concerning because his conduct may become innapropriate if he was to carry out any gynae exams on female patients he could put them at risk of harm so I suggest you complain, in writing to the surgey. Just so they have a log of it just in case.

Swellbowler23 · 14/10/2024 10:45

Irridescantshimmmer · 14/10/2024 10:41

That is very very creeeeeepy, I would hae caught him off guard and referred to the windows in the room havin blinds or something and would have refused to answer his stupid question.

Its concerning because his conduct may become innapropriate if he was to carry out any gynae exams on female patients he could put them at risk of harm so I suggest you complain, in writing to the surgey. Just so they have a log of it just in case.

Yes! I'm so cross at myself that I bloody answered the ridiculous question. I am playing out all the ways I should have reached now!

OP posts:
SittingontheSidelines · 14/10/2024 10:45

This sounds like testing the waters to me. Definitely inappropriate but just not quite explicit enough, so you doubt yourself. If he gets away with it it's likely to escalate and possibly with someone very vulnerable (not that all women aren't vulnerable in this situation, but you know what I mean). Please Please report.

ThianWinter · 14/10/2024 10:46

This doctor has been supremely unprofessional and you should report him both to the practise manager and the GMC. Personal remarks like that are offensive and unnecessary. He might have been making a joke to put you at ease, but no-one in the medical profession should make jokes about someone's personal appearance, relevant or not.

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