AIBU to complain about this Dr interaction?

[Swellbowler23]

I should start by saying my Dr's surgery is excellent. I am very lucky in that generally I never struggle with appointments and am always generally pleased with the service. I had an appointment this morning and it was a different GP to one I've ever seen. He struck me as quite different when I walked in as this GP was wearing a hat (almost like a straw hat) and a Hawaiian type shirt, he seemed really jolly and friendly which was great. We started talking about my issue which was related to chronic chest issues. Suddenly, out of seemingly no where, he asked if "the curtains matched the drapes", I was confused and said excuse me and he repeated, this time gesturing at my hair (which is dyed an unusual colour) and then sort of nodded down indicating my pubic area. I was really shocked and sort of laughed awkwardly and said no. I was completely taken off guard. He laughed and then carried on with the appointment as though nothing had happened. I left feeling completely bemused and when I got home couldn't stop thinking about it and how even if it was just a joke, it made me uncomfortable. I wish I'd said something at the time but I was rrally taken aback. WIBU to speak to the surgery about this. Part of me feels like I'm making a big deal over a throw away comment but another part of me feels it was totally inappropriate.

This is unfair and technically victim blaming. People often react in moments of shock/panic with a reflex response to de-escalate, it takes a lot to condition yourself to automatically respond with the confidence to challenge (especially a person in authority and a male).

All the people saying they don't believe it was a doctor, why? Sexual harassment by doctors and other medical professionals is hardly rare. Sure, most doctors wouldn't dream of saying something like this, but there are bad apples in every profession.

OP - firstly, I'm sorry you went through this and were made to feel uncomfortable in a doctors appointment (which we all know can make us feel a bit uncomfortable anyway). Please don't beat yourself up for how you reacted in the moment - we've all had that 'freeze' moment and then questioned and doubted ourselves when something is so wildly inappropriate we start doubting ourselves. I'm increasingly hearing about how for women it's not so much 'fight or flight' but 'flight or freeze' which makes so much sense in the context of an interaction with a (most likely physically stronger) man. But you absolutely can and should report it now and not be fobbed off by the practice - it was wildly inappropriate and you know it was, so I wouldn't be fobbed off with any excuses / attempts to somehow make it about you misinterpreting anything. I also agree his clothing seems inappropriate too.

I'm a GP. That sounds utterly inappropriate and concerning. Please make a complaint.

There's now understood to be a 'fawn' element to fight, flight freeze. You instinctively want to make it 'ok' for survival purposes in that moment. It's only later you think "why the fuck did I laugh / smile"

I worked for years in a doctors' surgery, my ex-husband's. And my first reaction to your thread (I am so sorry to admit this) was, "This has got to be a wind-up."
OP, this is dreadful, dreadful behaviour. Utterly unacceptable.
I am wondering if he's a physician associate. The dress code is just insane. They just roll up in anything. I was seen by one recently and I was left totally unimpressed by the Adidas tracksuit and Nike slides he was wearing. It was just like... "WTF? Is this a Sixth Former diagnosing me? Do you still play Roblox?" Nothing against Sixth Formers but, come on. If I'm going to be diagnosed with bowel cancer, please don't let it go this way. I swear to god, since the PAs have arrived, my surgery is just a cardboard cutout of what it used to be. It's like a clown school.

Please, please complain to the practice manager (if they still have one! Might be some ten year old Mario Kart expert you have to appeal to).

Forget what he was wearing that’s irrelevant doesn’t stop him doing his job.
But what he said is not acceptable it wouldn’t be in the workplace so why would it be in the intimate setting of a doctors office? I would call up the GP or send an email but definitely do something. And do let us know.

I've met a doctor like this. An oncologist no less, so they definitely do exist.

When I arrived he had a note on his door : gone to get some croissants. Back in five.
Already concerning in the setting, with cancer patients waiting.

He returned still eating his pastry.

I was there to see him about tenderness and shape change of my lowest rib.
I lifted my shirt to above my belly button to show the area of complaint.
To which he stated deadpan : I want to see your boobs.
I said tentatively : But my boobs are fine...
To which he replied in a letcherous tone : Oooh, I have no doubt about that. No doubt whatsoever.

He then proceeded to grope my boobs (as a result of our interaction that's what it felt like).
Then announced that he had no concerns and referred me to thoracic surgeon.
I was 15.

You are not a fool, it isn't easy to find a quick retort when you are so gobsmacked by an inappropriate remark or action. I had a similar experience with doctor many years ago and almost didn't believe it. I can remember walking home afterwards feeling depressed and wondering what happened. I had no proof. The next day I decided not to see him again but I kept an eye open in case there were any reports about him locally, in which case I would have added my voice.

Another story is about the Occupational Health department at a place where I worked. A local GP came along at certain times to see staff who were sick. I never actually saw him during my time there but others did.

A couple of women went to him with a sore throat, or ear ache. He asked them to strip to waist, take their bra off.

I remember one girl telling me she was standing there bare breasted wondering why she had had to take her bra off.

Some time later we read in the local paper that he had been suspended, later struck off, for being inappropriate with female patients.

There was also a hospital consultant rheumatologist who was very well known for it! Not just with patients, also with staff. He was suspended but fought his corner and was reinstated!

It's awful but it happens unfortunately and these creeps take a long time to catch, there is never anyone else present so no proof.

I'm so sorry that happened to you.

Doctor here - one who has experienced sexual harassment from senior colleagues.

He may not have meant harm and may have been more clumsy in his use of humour, but either way he needs to change how he interacts with patients/colleagues or stop practising. This can only happen if women like you raise the alarm.

Unfortunately these things tend to be part of a wider pattern of behaviour/communication and you won't have been the only one to have experienced it. I also suspect that men who get away with inappropriate language/humour then feel emboldened to get away with physical sexual harm.

I would agree with speaking to the practice manager as a first step. I would also write down your memories of what happened, as clearly as you can, now. You don't need to share the writing with anyone now but memory is a funny thing and you may recall things differently if asked about it in 6-12 months, so it's good to have an initial written account.

I'm also so sorry you have been through this - verbal sexual comments can be extremely distressing and psychologically invasive.

Thank you, that's very helpful. I've called the surgery and requested a callback from the practice manager (couldn't say how long it might be) they confirmed I saw a locum GP this morning so at least I feel better knowing he wasn't some imposter!

Make sure you put it in writing / email too, following your call.

I think he was pretending to be a doctor, he'd have chosen more suitable attire than a Hawaiian shirt and a straw hat. He's obviously one of those 'look at me, I'm crazy, I am' characters, who has had no feedback as to the inappropriate attire and even more inappropriate conversations he has with patients. I bet you're not the only one to be taken aback.

I assumed there’d be a flurry of hysterical
comments bleating that he must have been a Physician Associate. Because GMC-registered medical doctors clearly never display sexually inappropriate or unprofessional behaviour .….. 🤨

FFS.

Yes, it's only the low-paid lower classes who would ever possibly do something like this as far as some people are concerned. I find it a bizarre attitude to have, but not uncommon here.

Bit suspicious of this thread sorry, doctors don't dress like this for Also are you sure exactly what he meant?
Would any doctor risk their job by saying this, have other people complained, this is all abit strange and confusing.

Please report this. I had a very similar situation when I was in my early 20s. I was very vulnerable at the time, and I feel like he sensed that and tried his luck. I pushed it to the back of my mind because I couldn't face dealing with it at the time, but I've always regretted it. I did try to lodge a complaint, years later, but too much time had passed.

This is the exact reason people don’t report - people disbelieving their experiences makes them think they overreacted or misunderstood when deep down they know what happened was wrong.

Anyone in any profession is capable of being inappropriate and predatory. Many who work in positions of authority think they can get away with it precisely because of attitudes like yours. If someone says something happened they should feel empowered to report and feel supported, not minimised and made to feel like they’re lying. This man may never escalate to anything more than inappropriate comments but that in and of itself is still not acceptable. Whether anyone else has complained or not is irrelevant- if everyone who has an experience like this is made to feel stupid or that they’re overreacting then no one reports and the man continues with his awful behaviour. Just because you’ve been fortunate enough not to be in this position why is it so hard for you to believe? Why would someone make this up?

You are unfortunately part of the problem with this comment, minimising, disbelieving and down playing, making victims feel they are wrong, misinformed or lying.

Then I hope your eyes have been opened by reading the whole thread.

Suspect away, i know hairy hands exist on here and it does seem strange but I know what happened.

Doctors don't dress like this, I agree, that's the reason I mentioned his clothing at all as it stood out so much to me.

As for him meaning something else, he well could have, I've absolutely questioned it but I can't for the life of me think what he was referring to instead.

Our hospital chaplain was dismissed for behaviour utterly incompatible with being a man of god dealing with very vulnerable patients and families….it happens!

The appropriate answer is 'that's none of your concern' .