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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to complain about this Dr interaction?

92 replies

Swellbowler23 · 14/10/2024 09:49

I should start by saying my Dr's surgery is excellent. I am very lucky in that generally I never struggle with appointments and am always generally pleased with the service. I had an appointment this morning and it was a different GP to one I've ever seen. He struck me as quite different when I walked in as this GP was wearing a hat (almost like a straw hat) and a Hawaiian type shirt, he seemed really jolly and friendly which was great. We started talking about my issue which was related to chronic chest issues. Suddenly, out of seemingly no where, he asked if "the curtains matched the drapes", I was confused and said excuse me and he repeated, this time gesturing at my hair (which is dyed an unusual colour) and then sort of nodded down indicating my pubic area. I was really shocked and sort of laughed awkwardly and said no. I was completely taken off guard. He laughed and then carried on with the appointment as though nothing had happened. I left feeling completely bemused and when I got home couldn't stop thinking about it and how even if it was just a joke, it made me uncomfortable. I wish I'd said something at the time but I was rrally taken aback. WIBU to speak to the surgery about this. Part of me feels like I'm making a big deal over a throw away comment but another part of me feels it was totally inappropriate.

OP posts:
Todaywasbetter · 14/10/2024 13:04

The Doctor who correctly diagnosed a long-term problem of mine wore a very fancy pattern shirt and so many gold rings and gold chains.

MonCoeur · 14/10/2024 13:06

Doctors dress in all kinds of ways these days to be fair. I don't think the way he was dressed is anything you need to be concerned with. His comments on the other hand...

Ireolu · 14/10/2024 13:21

I'm a GP and that needs reporting please. Not normal/correct/appropriate.

Conniebygaslight · 14/10/2024 14:22

QueenCamilla · 14/10/2024 11:58

I've met a doctor like this. An oncologist no less, so they definitely do exist.

When I arrived he had a note on his door : gone to get some croissants. Back in five.
Already concerning in the setting, with cancer patients waiting.

He returned still eating his pastry.

I was there to see him about tenderness and shape change of my lowest rib.
I lifted my shirt to above my belly button to show the area of complaint.
To which he stated deadpan : I want to see your boobs.
I said tentatively : But my boobs are fine...
To which he replied in a letcherous tone : Oooh, I have no doubt about that. No doubt whatsoever.

He then proceeded to grope my boobs (as a result of our interaction that's what it felt like).
Then announced that he had no concerns and referred me to thoracic surgeon.
I was 15.

so awful...

QueenCamilla · 14/10/2024 14:57

Conniebygaslight · 14/10/2024 14:22

so awful...

Yes, all the experiences like OP's and mine give a completely different world view to that of a man.
I bristle immensely if anyone questions whether I should have a choice in choosing sex of a doctor in front of whom I may need to undress or talk about intimate issues. Even worse when some people seem more concerned about male doctor (poor lamb!) being "discriminated against" than what a wrong un' could mean to me.

I've been operated on in a gyneacological setting by a male surgeon. But I was under a general anaesthetic and he was saving my life, surrounded by other medics.
I view that very differently from having to talk to a man about post-sex thrush or having him perform a smear test.

Seems like nowhere is safe sometimes. Actually, scrap that - too placid. Nowhere really is safe!

PsychoHotSauce · 14/10/2024 15:21

Stupid man can't even get the pervy euphemism right. It's does the carpet match the drapes.

afaloren · 14/10/2024 15:31

What the fuck?! That’s totally inappropriate and really quite grim!

lostoldname · 14/10/2024 15:43

Also look at the website for your local health watch.

Hedgerow2 · 14/10/2024 17:36

Don't berate yourself for not responding differently op. It's easy to be wise after the event. I can think of several occasions over the years where men have done/said something to me and I've just smiled weakly because I've been caught off guard. You can't quite believe what you're hearing/seeing and think you've maybe misunderstood. For most of us our default position is to be polite and not cause offence. Especially when that person is in a position of authority. I often look back at such incidents and wish my younger self had been more outspoken.

SleepToad · 14/10/2024 17:42

Wow just wow. I would never ask a woman that! Let alone in a professional capacity!

Report report report...if he gets away with saying that sort of thing, what about when he has to examine someone

Cherry8809 · 14/10/2024 17:53

I wouldn’t care in the slightest how my doctor was dressed but PLEASE report those comments. Something tells me you won’t be the only one to lodge a complaint…

Alina3 · 14/10/2024 17:54

If this is true, then you absolutely must report it.

Imagine how uncomfortable you'd have been having a pelvic exam from him after that comment?

If he's doing things like this to you, he'll be doing it to others. Who knows if he's a doctor or not. You must report.

lovenotwar149 · 14/10/2024 17:57

100% say something!! Seriously inappropriate imo

PassingStranger · 14/10/2024 19:34

It's the dress thing I find hard to believe does the doctor always dress like this?
Is this doctor a regular at the practice?

PassingStranger · 14/10/2024 19:35

Alina3 · 14/10/2024 17:54

If this is true, then you absolutely must report it.

Imagine how uncomfortable you'd have been having a pelvic exam from him after that comment?

If he's doing things like this to you, he'll be doing it to others. Who knows if he's a doctor or not. You must report.

That's why I've questioned it. If he's not a doctor why op have got a doctors appointment with him?
Op hasn't given enough info really?

DerekFaker · 14/10/2024 19:36

Wtf!!!

Swellbowler23 · 14/10/2024 19:53

PassingStranger · 14/10/2024 19:34

It's the dress thing I find hard to believe does the doctor always dress like this?
Is this doctor a regular at the practice?

I wish I was joking about the get up. Some other people have commented about other unusually dressed Dr's so I guess they are out there.

Like I said in the OP I've never seen this GP before for an appointment but I've not seen him just in passing either - admittedly I'm not there lots, this was my first face to face appointment in a while.

I called back earlier to arrange a conversation with the practice manager and the person I spoke to confirmed my appointment this morning was with a locum GP. Haven't had a callback yet but have sent an email as well so hoping to speak to someone tomorrow.

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