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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is my child in danger at school?

230 replies

Softheart15 · 13/10/2024 22:42

Hi, a boy in my daughter’s year punched her friend in the throat and kicked another in her stomach, he recently struck again on another child but this time much worse, kid ended up
in hospital again unprovoked! Turns out he’s got anger issues and does MMA so lashes out randomly and whoever is there gets it! School are brushing his behaviour under the carpet but I’m worried and have raised this with the head only to be dismissed as have other parents.He was suspended for two day so we’re all waiting for him to strike again but he gets worse with each attack. I spoke to
some of the parents and turns out he’s been doing it inside/outside of school for years! His parents are total Aholes and don’t care and his mum even told another mother to talk to her and not the school but I don’t want it to be my child next. Am I making a big deal for nothing?

OP posts:
Original poster
Softheart15 · 14/10/2024 08:36

@Antsinmypantsneedtodance no its a school in Greater London so not where your looking.

OP posts:
LBFseBrom · 14/10/2024 08:38

Softheart15 · 13/10/2024 22:49

Thank you @Dramatic , school just don’t want to do anything. I want to force their hand but just don’t want my child targeted

The school are being extremely irresponsible. The boy needs to go to a different type of school for his own sake, apart from protecting other children from his uncontrolled violence. I am appalled.

Speak to the police and the governors of the school, alert the local press if necessary. It must not go on.

I imagine parents will be removing their children from that school in droves if the boy continues to be violent. This is more than just kids having a scrap.

AnnaCBi · 14/10/2024 08:38

This is called peer on peer abuse and ofsted will be interested to know it is dealt with robustly. Complain to ofsted.

Hoppinggreen · 14/10/2024 08:40

I am really surprised that this is a Private school, my experience is that they are much more willing and able to expell than State .
I would get a meeting with The Head and tell them that if your child is hurt then you will be involving the Police

2dogsandabudgie · 14/10/2024 08:45

ReadingInTheRain583 · 14/10/2024 07:58

I spoke tosome of the parents and turns out he’s been doing it inside/outside of school for years!

not sure, heard they were in shock but don’t know them personally to ask.

I only found out because a mum saw the child who was injured a few days later and asked.

I asked another parent who is closely linked with the poor kid that was hurt and apparently

but apparently there’s no cctv

^ from some of your own posts. There a lot of "apparently" and he said she saids. Also a lot of things you seem adamant on, that you can't really have any idea about. "He definitely doesn't have SEN", "there must be violence in the home" etc.

You can only take steps to protect your child. You'd be completely right to speak to the school and find out what steps they're taking to safeguard children against violence but getting hysterical and trying to recruit other parents into action won't do you any favours.

This.

There seems to be a lot of gossip about that this child.

Did the parents whose child needed hospital treatment involved the police?

If you have concerns regarding your child speak to the head teacher.

Username5000 · 14/10/2024 08:46

I've heard of a similar situation in a state school (if that makes any difference) Unfortunately it wasn't until other parents stopped bringing their children in that the child was permanently excluded. I think there was one particular day when most of the class didn't come in because their parents didn't feel it was safe. Can you club together?

Original poster
Softheart15 · 14/10/2024 08:51

@Treeinthesky he’s not under SEN, that is what the school have confirmed. Smashing a iPad vs a child’s face are two very different situations…

OP posts:
Original poster
Softheart15 · 14/10/2024 08:58

@LBFseBrom there is a real sense of guilt amongst us parents as when the girls were attacked the school said it was minor and nobody really did anything because we trusted the school. But now after the third incident it’s not minor so we need to act. No of us want it to become parents vs school but looks like that’s the only way forward!

OP posts:
Original poster
Softheart15 · 14/10/2024 08:59

@2dogsandabudgie a child going from school to ending up in hospital is not a lie! It’s really hard to convince people that children do commit crimes.

OP posts:
Pomegranatecarnage · 14/10/2024 09:01

Treeinthesky · 14/10/2024 07:58

So he's adhd and hits out. My daughter did the same until recently. She smashed another child's iPad. It cost me 350 quid the child shouldn't have had an iPad in their bag. I was in tears all the time from other parents. Anyways I've paid private and my dd takes elvanse and she's a different kid. Blame cahms not the mum.

Why shouldn’t a school pupil have an iPad in their bag?

DoreenonTill8 · 14/10/2024 09:01

Treeinthesky · 14/10/2024 07:58

So he's adhd and hits out. My daughter did the same until recently. She smashed another child's iPad. It cost me 350 quid the child shouldn't have had an iPad in their bag. I was in tears all the time from other parents. Anyways I've paid private and my dd takes elvanse and she's a different kid. Blame cahms not the mum.

So your child still lashed out and struck another child hard enough to smash something in their bag, but it's that child's fault?

NotOneOfTheInCrowd · 14/10/2024 09:02

ReadingInTheRain583 · 14/10/2024 07:58

I spoke tosome of the parents and turns out he’s been doing it inside/outside of school for years!

not sure, heard they were in shock but don’t know them personally to ask.

I only found out because a mum saw the child who was injured a few days later and asked.

I asked another parent who is closely linked with the poor kid that was hurt and apparently

but apparently there’s no cctv

^ from some of your own posts. There a lot of "apparently" and he said she saids. Also a lot of things you seem adamant on, that you can't really have any idea about. "He definitely doesn't have SEN", "there must be violence in the home" etc.

You can only take steps to protect your child. You'd be completely right to speak to the school and find out what steps they're taking to safeguard children against violence but getting hysterical and trying to recruit other parents into action won't do you any favours.

100% this.

And now you have a hundred or so mn’ers frothing along and giving frankly stupid advice.

You absolutely should voice your concerns to the school, and if you don’t get a satisfactory response you need to move schools. But the police aren’t going to be interested in someone calling them to report the goings on in the rumour mill.

Treeinthesky · 14/10/2024 09:11

Well yes it was. What year 4 student has an iPad in her bag and leaves there bag on the floor. My dd became dysregulated and jumped on the bag. How was that my fault? It wasn't. It was my dd and schools for not watching her. Yet I was made to feel it was my fault I had their parents on the phone to my bf of 3 months not her das screaming at him flagging me of. So yes I know how it feels. I took action I'd been wait9ng 3 years for cahms. I paid 1500 to adhd 360 and now she is on elvanse and is an amazing child with no anger issues and making friends. So blame the nhs waiting times don't blame the parents

Original poster
Softheart15 · 14/10/2024 09:13

@NotOneOfTheInCrowd already contacted the school, they brushed it of not just with me but others to. Not recruiting anyone just trying to prevent another incident on a child.

OP posts:
Coruscations · 14/10/2024 09:17

Softheart15 · 14/10/2024 08:51

@Treeinthesky he’s not under SEN, that is what the school have confirmed. Smashing a iPad vs a child’s face are two very different situations…

Have they? Who have they confirmed it to? They have no business discussing one child's personal circumstances with other parents.

Greysofa · 14/10/2024 09:19

Treeinthesky · 14/10/2024 09:11

Well yes it was. What year 4 student has an iPad in her bag and leaves there bag on the floor. My dd became dysregulated and jumped on the bag. How was that my fault? It wasn't. It was my dd and schools for not watching her. Yet I was made to feel it was my fault I had their parents on the phone to my bf of 3 months not her das screaming at him flagging me of. So yes I know how it feels. I took action I'd been wait9ng 3 years for cahms. I paid 1500 to adhd 360 and now she is on elvanse and is an amazing child with no anger issues and making friends. So blame the nhs waiting times don't blame the parents

of course it’s the NHS’s fault, never the parent 🙄

Coruscations · 14/10/2024 09:20

Softheart15 · 14/10/2024 08:22

@Greentreesandbushes i didn’t think of that but definitely worth considering. Been speaking to parents with children in other private schools and word is that they let lots slide now due to VAT increase as they don’t want to loose business.

The point is that they will lose more business if they can't keep children safe.

Frankly, this school sounds pretty crap. They aren't doing this child any favours as I strongly suspect the reality is that he does have SEN and they don't want to acknowledge it because they'd have to start doing something about it. They're broadcasting his personal affairs around, and they're not keeping their other pupils safe. In your shoes I'd be looking to move my child ASAP,

Crazycatlady79 · 14/10/2024 09:24

Treeinthesky · 14/10/2024 09:11

Well yes it was. What year 4 student has an iPad in her bag and leaves there bag on the floor. My dd became dysregulated and jumped on the bag. How was that my fault? It wasn't. It was my dd and schools for not watching her. Yet I was made to feel it was my fault I had their parents on the phone to my bf of 3 months not her das screaming at him flagging me of. So yes I know how it feels. I took action I'd been wait9ng 3 years for cahms. I paid 1500 to adhd 360 and now she is on elvanse and is an amazing child with no anger issues and making friends. So blame the nhs waiting times don't blame the parents

It all sounds a tad Jeremy Kyle.
How did the parents of the other child have your boyfriend of 3 months' phone number and why is boyfriend of 3 months so involved in your lives already that he's taking calls about incidents regarding your child?!
No, the IPad smashing was clearly not your fault, but you seem quick to blame another child, your DD, school, CAMHS etc, which comes across as a tad odd, given the context.

KTSl1964 · 14/10/2024 09:24

Report to ofsted, report to school head and send to school governors - parents who’s child was assaulted should report to police and the school need to be activating the sage guarding policies.

MissyB1 · 14/10/2024 09:27

Treeinthesky · 14/10/2024 09:11

Well yes it was. What year 4 student has an iPad in her bag and leaves there bag on the floor. My dd became dysregulated and jumped on the bag. How was that my fault? It wasn't. It was my dd and schools for not watching her. Yet I was made to feel it was my fault I had their parents on the phone to my bf of 3 months not her das screaming at him flagging me of. So yes I know how it feels. I took action I'd been wait9ng 3 years for cahms. I paid 1500 to adhd 360 and now she is on elvanse and is an amazing child with no anger issues and making friends. So blame the nhs waiting times don't blame the parents

1: lots of children need ipads or laptops due to their own disabilities, my ds has to type rather than write,as he has issues with his fine motor control.
2: you might want to teach your child to be accountable for their own actions rather than encouraging them to always blame someone else.
3: at no point has the OP said that this particular school bully has any diagnosis.

Mumofoneandone · 14/10/2024 09:28

This is very worrying - especially as the parents of the child now seem to be approaching parents directly. So shocked that this is a private school.
Found the link below which might be useful.
www.gov.uk/complain-about-school/private-schools

Dramatic · 14/10/2024 09:30

Treeinthesky · 14/10/2024 07:58

So he's adhd and hits out. My daughter did the same until recently. She smashed another child's iPad. It cost me 350 quid the child shouldn't have had an iPad in their bag. I was in tears all the time from other parents. Anyways I've paid private and my dd takes elvanse and she's a different kid. Blame cahms not the mum.

As if you're trying to blame the kid for having an iPad rather than your child for breaking it

Limbo2 · 14/10/2024 09:34

I'm surprised how many People are shocked that this happened at a private school. I'm sure a lots changed since my time in school but I was bullied relentlessly at my private school, sometimes physically, there where children (and teachers) that where aggressive and violent. I even had one parent call the school to ask that I not be in classes with her daughter or allowed to socialise with her because I lived on a council estate. We where friends a whole and everything she did wrong in that time was put down to me being a bad influence.

What are the parents of the injured children doing? They are the ones hat need to kick up a fuss, go to the police etc. You can express concerns but currently your child is not avictim so i cannot see that much will be done just based on that

mm81736 · 14/10/2024 09:35

What makes you think the school are 'brushing it under the carpet' and that he doesn't have any SEN?

Silvertulips · 14/10/2024 09:37

So blame the nhs waiting times don't blame the parents

A kid in private school can afford private fees.

OP you need to get hold of the complaints procedure it will give you guidance to what you can do and if you aren’t happy - they school should have it on their website.

The police don’t criminalize children but they can deter them - each school has an assigned officers - usually a community police person who can help navigate the situations. They can also refer to other agencies same as the school can.

They are worth talking to.