To tell MIL we are no longer having a party

[Downandout21]

Having a party on the weekend just in the afternoon, early evening.

As all the children coming are around DDs age she has decided it's her party and told nanny she is having one.

MIL has now invited herself to the party.

It's not really like a birthday party the type MIL thinks it is, more a couple of mine and DHs friends with their kids having a get together, wine and beer for the adults and some games and crafts for the kids.

Two of mine and DHs friends live local, the one that doesn't is staying over night

MIL lives nearly 2 hours a way and doesn't drive meaning either myself or DH will have to drive her home after the get together.

I feel awful telling her it's not really a party as in what she thinks, but more a social gathering with friends, if it was a kids party she would most definitely be top of the list, but don't really think it's her scene sitting with a bunch of 30 somethings having a few drinks and moaning about the daily grind.

AIBU to tell her we are no longer having it?

Yabu to lie. The truth is fine.

How rude to invite herself!
Can you say she's welcome to come but you can't come and collect her or drive her home? If she turns up both neck a bottle of wine so you don't have to drive!

You just need to tell MIL the truth. It's not a party, you invited some friends over.
DD will just blow you up if you say it's cancelled.
Just be honest. Plus would MIL really expect you to drive her home afterwards, a four hour round trip for you?

Just be honest and tell her - it's not a party, you just have some friends coming round. DD got hold of the wrong end of the stick.

Just tell her it’s not that kind of party as you have friends staying over. In the same conversation you could say how about you come on X weekend to celebrate?

I would say the truth that daughter has misunderstood and that it's not a party, just a get together with a few friends who are bringing their kids. Is it actually your daughter's birthday?

Tell her she's welcome but will have to find her own way there and home, since you and DH will be having a glass of wine to celebrate. Also tell her that it's more of a get together with your circle of friends than a party, and that you're letting her know that because she will probably feel a bit left out. And offer to let her come another day or go to a cafe or something if she wants to celebrate DD's birthday separately.

"It's really a social occasion with our friends, not a party for dd. We'll be having a few afternoon beers and catching up with them."

Your husband will say to his mother.

No it's not her birthday, she's only 4 so got excited about people coming around and decided it's her party 🤷‍♀️

Could mil stay the night?
I wouldn’t have the heart to knock her back.
She’ll probably enjoy telling your friends all the things you’ve managed to keep private for years. 😂

I don't understand why you can't just tell her the truth.

Also why on earth do you need to drive her, can't she get the train or coach at least most of the way?

Well then it's simple. Wrong end of stick. Get together for friends, not a family occasion.

Your husband can tell her.

Tell her the truth and invite for another time. Easy.

How old is MIL and why can't she travel independently?

This is perfect.

Really strange. Just tell her it was a misunderstanding and move on. No need to lie.

Tell her the truth, just say you’ve just got your friends coming over and they’re bringing their kids. Simple!
I love my mum and she’d always be at a family do but I’d never invite her to something like this, totally changes the dynamic amongst your friends; and she’d be fine with that!!

The truth !! DH can tell her it's not your DDs party but you are inviting friends with children. How presomptious to 1. Invite herself. 2. Expecting you to be a taxidriver.

So she invites herself, then will expect a lift home? Doesn’t sound much of a party for one of you ….

'Sorry MIL, dd got her wires crossed - we've just got a lovely babysitter booked for a few of the local kids because the grownups are going to be off down Dingley Dell dogging.

...not sure it's your sort of thing? Dh says he'd find it a bit odd to have you come along.

Definitely still up for bonfire party on the 5th though - see you then!'

Or you could be more mature than me & stop at dd & crossed wires...😉

If she comes over one if us usually picks her up and she stays the night. If she comes for the day it's usually for one of our birthdays and then BIL will drive her over as he would be coming too.

However this weekend there will be no room to stay, and no other family are coming. We do have a local train station, but PILs live in a village with poor transport links, plus it's a different county so public transport would take a very long time.

Just tell your MIL this then, say oh DD got giddy and misunderstood and obviously it’s not really a party it’s not even her birthday but why don’t you come on X date and we’ll do something nice.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Just tell her the truth, it’s not a party for dd, it’s you having some friends round. Don’t bother lying, she’ll probably find out.

Surely she knows when your DD's birthday is, and doesn't think the 'party' is for that???
I can absolutely believe her inviting herself to the party, because my MIL has done the exact same! Difference was that we had relatives from abroad visiting and my in-laws can drive. Our compromise was the in-laws came for the evening meal then went home themselves.

Your case is very different though. I agree with making it a light hearted 'DD thought it was a party hehehe, but its actually just a few close friends of ours coming around- NOT a family party for everyone'.

'We look forward to seeing you at XYZ in Nov/Dec though'. Also, why are YOU having to tell her this? Surely your DH should?