To tell MIL we are no longer having a party

[Downandout21]

Having a party on the weekend just in the afternoon, early evening.

As all the children coming are around DDs age she has decided it's her party and told nanny she is having one.

MIL has now invited herself to the party.

It's not really like a birthday party the type MIL thinks it is, more a couple of mine and DHs friends with their kids having a get together, wine and beer for the adults and some games and crafts for the kids.

Two of mine and DHs friends live local, the one that doesn't is staying over night

MIL lives nearly 2 hours a way and doesn't drive meaning either myself or DH will have to drive her home after the get together.

I feel awful telling her it's not really a party as in what she thinks, but more a social gathering with friends, if it was a kids party she would most definitely be top of the list, but don't really think it's her scene sitting with a bunch of 30 somethings having a few drinks and moaning about the daily grind.

AIBU to tell her we are no longer having it?

Just get your DH to tell her x

Surely you just say “it’s not a party, we’re have Joe and Kate and Charlie and Lola over for some
drinks with the kids”.

She can’t be that daft to think she’s invited to all
your social occasions.

Not unreasonable at all. Just explain it’s not a party, but some friends coming over and you will both will be having a couple of drinks so can’t drive her home.

Good Heavens!!
I would not expect to be invited to my children’s get together with friends. I would not invite myself to anyone’s event. I would not expect my children to pick me up or take me back. There are taxis, buses and trains.

This.

Your DH tells her. Mum we are having our friends with their children around. It's not a family party. I won't be driving 2 hours to get you and again to take you home. Even if that weren't a ridiculous thing to do, I'm drinking as is @Downandout21

Exactly this. Would she even be bothered? Surely she’d just feel awkward

I feel like this is quite a simple fix:

"Hi MIL, I'm really sorry, but DD has got her wires crossed, it's not actually a party, we're just having Debbie and Mark over for some wine and a catch up, along with their children, so it's not actually a party at all, and definitely not worth you coming all this way for! Hopefully see you next weekend/month/whatever though, yeah? Xxxx"

My 4yo gets stuff like this into her head all the time, it's quite sweet, but also a bit frustrating lol

You are overthinking this - all you need to say is 'I know DD told you we are having a party, but that's really not the case. I said she could invite a couple of friends round & me and DH have some old friends popping over, we will arrange a get together some other time x'

Send.

THIS

You DH needs to tell her no, she's not invited and you wont' be able to host her as you're having friends round, not a big party. He needs to do it and he needs to be firm.

Exactly this too 😂

This is a DH job.

All he needs to do is explain that you are having a group of friends round for a get together who also happen to be bringing their children. You'll both be having some drinks and will be unable to drive. And you will be having friends staying overnight, so won't be able to put her up this time.

Just tell her the truth

Just tell her the truth. Why even ask MN?

Is your own mother or family going to the party?

Don't lie, ffs

Tell her the truth. You aren't having a party. Your DD got confused. It's just a couple of friends and their children popping over. Why couldn't you tell her that?

Am really surprised by the vote, which doesn't match the comments at all.

Why would you lie to her?
Apart from anything else, your dd will mention it in conversation and the lie will come out, but there is absolutely no reason to. You just say, "I don't know what dd is telling you but there is no party. Tom and Jane are coming over, and dd is excited to play with their kids whilst we hang out." Then mention looking forward to seeing her at {insert next occasion}, like there is no drama, as there doesn't need to be any.

Get your DH to tell her you’re having friends over and can’t pick her up or drop off so she’s not been invited; offer an alternative in a few weeks time when it suits you. It would be rude for you to disappear for hours when you have guests - it’s best to tell her as soon as she suggests a trip whether it’s okay or not.

Really don't understand why you can't just tell her the truth, it's easy and creates the minimum drama. Lying would mean your child needs to lie and it's for nothing. It's not a party it's a friend meet up, you can't give a lift home and she can't stay, DD is just being a 4 year old and made a mistake. It's pretty simple

Just tell her it's a get together with your friends, not a party and a not a family event.

She's rather rude inviting herself with checking.

Don't lie just get your Dh to call her and tell her the truth, your dd got overexcited you aren't having a party you have a friends couple coming to stay overnight with their children and another local couple coming over with their kids and are all having a catch up and will be having a few drinks, so it's not a family thing or party that she needs to travel for. See you on x date.

I voted "YANBU" because I misread the question as "AIBU to tell her there is no party" - which is the truth, there isn't really a party!

I didn't clock that OP was actually intending to lie and pretend the plans were cancelled! (And I'm assuming most people who voted YANBU made that same mistake). OP - there is no need to lie, the truth is totally acceptable and non-awkward. Your 4 year old got it wrong (as 4 year olds are wont to do. I'm sure your MIL will know the score).

Get DH to tell her the truth: Dd is NOT having a party, you have invited friends over, a couple of whom have got kids, some of your friends are staying the night, no space for MIL to stay and no possibility of giving her a lift home.

this…lies always come out and it will cause unneeded hurt