To think most men are selfish?

[henrts]

Even when they think they’re not, they are still massively selfish compared with a woman. Not all men, obviously, but I think it’s true of most. I also think it shows mostly when they have kids… somehow they still manage to put themselves first.

Yes, and there is lots of evidence to prove it.

res.org.uk/mediabriefing/economists-prove-that-women-really-are-less-selfish-than-men/

https://www.today.com/health/brain-rewards-women-being-nicer-men-being-selfish-t117305

https://psmag.com/news/new-evidence-women-are-less-selfish-than-men/

https://www.pbs.org/newshour/science/times-stress-men-become-self-centered-women-focus-others

news.yale.edu/2016/02/25/first-instinct-women-are-more-altruistic-men

I agree in the main. However while my DH can be selfish, as can I, I know that he isn't fundamentally selfish. He has my back.

Yanbu. Shocking amount of not my Nigel in this thread. There is much evidence to prove men as a class are in fact more selfish. They are trained to put themselves first from a young age. SOME aren't selfish, on an individual basis, but as a class there is imo no question. Men are more selfish.

And all women are saints…

The sad thing is so many women express gratitude towards the men in their lives for being ‘unselfish’ because they do stuff they are just supposed to. The husbands who are praised for looking after their kids, cooking or attending a school performance. Women are never praised for doing housework because that is our role in life but if a man picks up a duster he’s a hero because he ‘shares the load’. Our expectations of men are so low that when they do more than the bare minimum it’s praiseworthy and proof that they put their family first.

This has resulted in men who load the dishwasher twice a week feeling that they are truly unselfish when they head off to a hobby for a whole day on the weekend, leaving their wife to cope alone with their DC. Never mind that she does 99% of the housework, the mental load of raising DC and works full time. He helps out. He’s a good guy.

I do believe men are inherently selfish. They instinctively put themselves first. Even nice men. It’s just inbuilt.

Certainly the men in my family are oblivious to just how much the women do. Uncles, grandfathers, cousins have all left a trail of destruction behind them. Growing up however, my mum was the selfish one and walked all over my dad. Since I've grown up I've realised she either has some MH issues or possibly narcissistic traits.

I thought I'd picked a selfless husband but sadly after kids it transpired he was actually a selfish idiot and is now my ex husband. These things aren't always obvious until you've had a child. Not that he'd do things in a deliberately mean way, but rather in a thoughtless way because he was just so unaware of his children having immediate needs that were more important than his own. So now he parents 1 day a week Disney-dad style and that suits him down to the ground. I'd love to part time parent too, and go off on holidays, work and socialise whatever hours I wanted, but obviously don't, my job and life is determined by the school run times!

I do think society makes it easier for men to be selfish in many ways and walk away from responsibilities such as children (just look at the shambles that is CMS and all the loopholes for men to get away Scot free) whereas a woman doing it is more socially vilified.

My dad has always been selfless when it comes to his children. My DH is so much more selfless than me. But both my close friends husbands are very selfish people. I think it depends on each individual.

In my world there's been more selfish mothers than men to be honest. In general, I don't think it's fair to say most men but would say father's in general can be more selfish than mothers.

Speaking only from my own personal experience I’d say mixed bag. My dad and my husband are not selfish, if anything both of them could do with being a bit more selfish as they are both often selfless to their own detriment which has been sad to see. However my FIL and BIL are both inherently selfish and cannot see past themselves.

The old saintly martyrdom of the how hard done by I am bring a poor little woman I am so saintly

No not in my experience but you don't want to hear that

There's also a type of man who is showy with his unselfish altruism in public... The "would do anything for a stranger" type. Salt of the earth. But is the absolute opposite to that, behind closed doors with family. People find it hard to believe about them, and so they continue flying under the radar like the massive self absorbed cock ends they are..

OK so some men are heroes. But lots of women are heroes every day putting others needs and interests first. Some fathers are great as well but most of the husbands in my friend circle are way more selfish than their spouse when it comes to putting their children's needs first. My DH is one of them. We have an autistic DS who would break if we separated so I will put up with it for him until he's in independent living. Won't have any pension to speak off so will have to find odd jobs to make ends meet but it doesn't scare me. I rather live frugally in poverty on my own than put up with his shit tbh.

@Eastie77Returns

The sad thing is so many women express gratitude towards the men in their lives for being ‘unselfish’ because they do stuff they are just supposed to.

Yep, gratitude which men expect and if it's not given, they will resent you. The slang term for giving praise for doing what they are supposed to do is bitch cookies. As in; "Oh, so you think it's splendid of you that you "babysat" your own kids, do you? Here, bitch. Have a cookie."

I think men have an ability to focus on one thing at a time, and completely forget about everything else, that allows them to be selfish. Women seem to be constantly juggling so many things at the same time - kids, work, elderly parents, etc whereas men somehow are able to put everything else aside and just completely focus on the one task in hand whether that’s their own needs, their job or whatever. I’m astonished at the things that my brother (who is generally seen as a good guy and involved with his kids etc) is able to completely not even worry about (see elderly parents above) It’s like his brain is wiped clear of anything to do with them until he is reminded that they exist. Yeah yeah NAMALT but most of them are. And if they do do anything then a fanfare is expected.

Not the men I know. Quite the opposite.

Confirmation bias generally dictates whether you think it’s men or women who are more selfish. But read the stately homes threads, you’d see how many fucked up cunts there are of both sexes, it’s pretty even, some humans are garbage, others are not.

Conscription ended in 1963 in the UK.

Plus, conscription in many countries was set up by men in the first place.

Some like to point out that women don’t have to yet ignore that it was men who made it that way to begin with. Women also sign up voluntarily despite the rampant sexism, sexual harassment and assault that is higher than many other fields of employment.

YANBU. I often feel like they have a complete inability to see anything from anyone else's POV as well.

67% of British servicewomen reported sexual or physical harassment, assault or bullying according to a 2021 study.

Men who are conscripted into the army in various countries around the world have carried out horrific crimes. Perhaps a chat with women in Ukraine, to cite one example, might give you some insight into this.

All those unselfish men eh.

Yup

Yes they are and my partner has commented the same.