to force dd to get out London for 2 weeks

[OchreMentor]

I'm out of ideas now. Dd16 has completely gone of the rails with her behaviour and I just want her go stay with my parents who live down in Eastbourne for a couple weeks to clear her head and get her away from the wrong crowd. Her grades have slipped at school, She is sneaking home early hours of morning, being very quiet when at home not speaking or acknowledging anyone, my son saw her and her friends drinking in the park at 3am the other say even though she insists her friends were drinking and not her. My heart sank when I found used pregnancy test in our outside rubbish she says not hers but I don't even know what to believe I just need a break because I can't think straight.

Yes I would drive her to Eastbourne - but would she actually stay there? And are the GPs up to having her?

Can you ground her, or doesn't she take any notice? Is her dad at home?

Yes GPs would have her, I don't really see how to even ground her at this age to be honest. I just want a break to be honest and for her to clear her head and hopefully for her to reflect on her actions

How is she out at 3am though? I think I'd get the police out, to be honest.

I don’t think shipping her and her problems off somewhere else is the answer. You need to sort this out with your daughter directly. How is she in the park at 3am? Don’t you agree the latest time she can be out and enforce it?

She won't though, because she'll still be in touch online.

Hopefully the pregnancy tests were negative? Could they have been a friends?

it does sound like you need a break, hope things settle down @OchreMentor

Yeah normally when she says she's going out and where she's going she says what time she will be home. I didn't even know she had gone out untill at 4am I heard the door go and it's her, she tried to lie and say she was just checking outside as she heard a noise and didn't want our cat to be in trouble.

It was positive but she swears it wasn't hers, I don't even know what to do there's no way to know the truth for certain, I would hate to think it was hers I'm trying to not even let me brain go there at the minute

Have you ever tried enforcing anything with a 16 year old 'NewIdeasToday'? I have, and I can tell you, it's all but impossible if they're as stroppy as my DD was. I even asked for police support, when I thought she was getting involved in drugs. I was told to keep her at home, but the fact was, she was the same size as me, and would physically push me out of her way if she was adamant she was going out. To my relief, she did eventually grow out of it, but at the time life was torture, so I definitely get where the OP is coming from. Unfortunately though, even if you send her to GP's, I'd be worried that she'd give them a dog's life while she was there, or maybe not even stay, unless of course she has a great deal of respect for them. So I'd be VERY careful about doing this OP, unless her GP's are physically able to restrain her, should the need arise.

If she were my child I'd do anything to get her away from those influences, so yes, but you may need to be thinking more long term. Kids going off the rails like this are very vulnerable to criminal gangs who suck them in. Are there any adults in her life that she would listen to at all? Are you communicating with her school about the issues? They may be able to.point you towards some support.

I was off the rails at her age and looking back I was very lost and unhappy and wish my parents had asked me and listened, although I was extremely headstrong too and impossible

Who’s is it then?

Can you take some annual leave and actually take her away for a few days? Somewhere really coastal / mountains / moors. Deliberately choose somewhere with poor signal.

palming her off to grandparents may cause more damage because it might make her feel like you’ve given up and you don’t want to connect with her because you can’t be bothered. (Talking from experience, sadly)

If she won't listen to you, why would she listen to/obey your parents?

I agree, take her somewhere yourself that happens to have a poor signal but that has things to do where you can enjoy yourselves. What did she enjoy before all of this?

Well she says its to do with the neighbours. It's an elderly woman next door and we help take care of certain things for her. My dd takes her rubbish out for her on rubbish night. We use the same outdoor bin.

I can't unfortunately I've got the younger ones to take care of

If your send her to the grandparents she'll see it as you trying to get rid of her. It'll make things worse, particularly if she actually is pregnant. Getting her away from things is a good idea but you need to go with her.

Well if she doesn't she has nowhere to stay

My guess?

She won't stay.
You have let this go to far and you need professionel help for your daughter. Not 2 weeks at grandparents.

1st thing.
A pregnancy test. You need to know. Now.

Is she at school? College? I wouldn’t send her away if she’s in education, she will fall behind.

TBH I would want her at home to get to the bottom of the pregnancy tests. I would buy one and ask her to do it. It’s not for your parents to deal with this.

She won't entertain it. Just point blank refuses.

how frustrating for you. Sounds like a lose lose situation OP. I’m sure someone can come along with good advice soon

She's at school doing gcses this year of course not ideal to miss school time she would still have majority of the year to catch up though if she can get back to herself within a couple of weeks.