to force dd to get out London for 2 weeks

[OchreMentor]

I'm out of ideas now. Dd16 has completely gone of the rails with her behaviour and I just want her go stay with my parents who live down in Eastbourne for a couple weeks to clear her head and get her away from the wrong crowd. Her grades have slipped at school, She is sneaking home early hours of morning, being very quiet when at home not speaking or acknowledging anyone, my son saw her and her friends drinking in the park at 3am the other say even though she insists her friends were drinking and not her. My heart sank when I found used pregnancy test in our outside rubbish she says not hers but I don't even know what to believe I just need a break because I can't think straight.

1st thing GP appointment. If your daughter is pregnant you face real challenge and I wouldn't trust her no to be.

Your daughter needs professionel help. Now. Not a stay at grandparents.

School would be my least concern. She can catch up with a tutor then her life and behaviour is sorted.

So she's claiming it's your elderly neighbour who had a positive pregnancy test? Really?

Can’t the younger ones go to your parents instead ?

Her granddaughter does stay with her some weekdays.

Well it’s pretty obvious why.

I think now’s the time to stop being visibly angry with her and let her know that you are here for her and will support her, whatever her choice is. She’ll need her Mum.

Not really because they have school, I don't think it's fair that they miss 2 weeks of school.

How old is your son to also be out hanging around parks at 3am?

Sounds like it's too late to hope a couple of weeks away will sort this out.
I'd be more concerned about the pregnancy test.

Could the grandparents come stay to look after the younger ones for a few days? So you can focus on her, maybe go stay at the grandparents house with her?

Much as I fully get you need a break, if she is pregnant and/or going through a tough time and acting out, she needs you now rather than being sent away, even though she may not realise it herself. She sounds like she is considerate, taking out neighbours rubbish etc,

But can you afford no to handle your teenager's situation? Now?

If you can't take care of both daughters I would let the youngst go to grandparents.
She will be safe there. Let a tutor help with schoolwork and spend the time to work on solutions for your troubled teenager.

sounds more reasonable for the younger ones to stay with GPs - or the GPs to stay at yours with the younger ones rather than dump the wayward lying teen on them.

He's 22, he was driving by the park and saw her

I don’t know anyone who’d be out and about at 3am unless on night shifts!

It is nearly half term in most places, is it with you? If so, send younger ones to GPs and do something with your daughter.

Why didn't he go and speak to her and try to bring her home? Is he a sensible supportive brother with his head screwed on, do they get on well? My brother went a bit off the rails around 18, and I was the only one who could get through to him

Please don’t do this.

My mother did similar to me when I was 15. I have never felt more abandoned in my life. Our relationship completely broke down and it never really recovered.

2 weeks away is NOT going to help @OchreMentor . I'm sorry, but it will not help in the slightest. I'm not sure what the answer is, except trying to find out what is going on in her head - not in a judgemental way about her behaviour, but trying to find out exactly what is bothering her. She's acting out for a reason almost certainly

I think you need to face the fact that she is pregnant and massively struggling, OP
Eastbourne won’t help with that.

Switch houses with GP for a couple of weeks?

Could you do something over October 1/2 term?

Unfortunately due to their age they can't travel up here.

If they are old to travel to London they are too old for an off the rails teenager! Gently OP this one is on you and you need to pull her closer and figure out what’s going on. If she is pregnant and planning to terminate then sending her away could limit access to those plans especially if she’s further on? Pushing away and shifting responsibilities to grandparents who are elderly isn’t the answer here.

How old are they?
I'm guessing 80's if they are too old to travel. In which case they aren't they too old to look after your daughter?

Does she have any aunties or close family friends she can talk too? My friend when I was a teenager really struggled to talk to her mum about things bothering her, but would happily talk to mine. My daughters friends also confide in me and we talk things through. It's so important to have a trusted adult to talk to at this age

If they're that old OP, then I really don't think you should be burdening the GP's with your D.D.

Do YOU think the pregnancy test is hers?

Would you tbh risk a lie about it? I wouldn't. It would be my 1st thing to sort if she is pregnantor not. 2nd to find professionel help.

It has slipper so far for this 16 yo that mum won't be able to get daughter back on track on her own. They both need help to get on.