To not have patience for people who act selfishly and then try to act remorseful

[godlovesatrierr]

E.g there's a big cake arriving which can all be cut in to slices and shared between a group of friends.
However one person sneakily puts in a pre order to have the whole cake for themselves regardless and this can't be reversed.
When the time comes for this to be revealed to their friends they act upset and remorseful even though they knew exactly in the moment they ordered the cake it would leave the rest of the group without.

I just don't have the patience to be empathetic. So now we all need to pander to you so you feel better about your selfishness?!

Why do people think they can have their cake and eat it?! Pun intended.

I wish you'd just say the actual scenario as it would make life easier (and stop everyone banging on about not understanding the analogy)! But I think in general my advice would be tell the person that if they were genuinely sorry they would undo what they'd done or recompense people for it. That otherwise their tears are clearly not really about regret but rather about feeling sorry for themselves. If it is a thing that can't be undone eg because the cake is gone which will leave everyone hungry then they need to fix it by buying two new cakes not one at a later date, replacing the original loss and then compensating for the fact that people were also left hungry.

Could another analogy be that the Petrol Station has only one petrol pump working, and it only has 100 pounds of petrol left in it. They won't get another delivery of fuel for another week. You and your friends all have nearly empty tanks, you all need around 20 pound of petrol to make it through the next week. Your selfish friend gets to the petrol station first and puts all the petrol into her car, leaving no fuel left for anyone else. She now has enough fuel for a month but the rest of you have nearly no fuel left. Selfish friend is apologising whilst planning various lengthy road trips.

Difficult to think of something which can’t be undone. Someone owns a holiday home and says any of a group of friends can use it in April. One of the friends bagsies the whole month and books flights before telling anyone?

Restorative justice in that example is very straight forward, she pays the money back. Simple. Not hard to put in place at all.

Yeah this is pretty close to it tbh!

At least they felt remorse after intentionally making a selfish decision.
I know people who don't & fire off texts staying "I done nothing wrong " 🤬🤬🤬

This thread has been funny cake wise. Green icing?

But as PPs have said, no-one has to go along with the woe is me act do they?
Depending on the situation can't somebody just say 'Well that was selfish wasn't it Brenda/Pauline whoever?' and then walk away, just don't get involved again. As the saying goes, when someone shows you who they are etc etc. I'm sure you aren't the only one feeling how you do and you not taking any crap will make others respect you more.

I don't get the example at all. Won't you feel sick having a whole cake?

In the Gavin and Stacey takeaway order scene where Smithy kicks up a fuss about not sharing, i am 100% with him. Or Joey from friends saying "i don't share food."

If this is it, it’s their problem they booked the flights, the others can decide when they want to use it and the selfish/remorseful one can just work around it (if they can’t afford to, that’s their issue to resolve).

I love MacArthur Park by Richard Harris, I taped it off Radio 2 onto a cassette of my favourite songs. Memories!

It is complicated to u destined!!

Like at a buffet when the greedy bastard goes up first, piles their plate high taking more than their fair share.... the next few people realise and take slightly less than their share but there's still none left for the last people.

Hungry people call out the greedy bastards who start crying and everyone starts fawning over them.

I get what you mean OP. The fake woe is me display is more annoying than the actual crime. They are the real victim because people are angry at them and they "feel so bad".

Does this help as a lived example. 3 siblings one adopted at 15 months. Granny leaves money to two but not adopted one when dies because adopted one is not 'real' family. Other two siblings want to split it 3 ways but a spouse of one says no way it wasn't granny's wish and persuades their spouse. Can only be done with agreement so not split 3 ways. Later they divorce and it comes out what the ex did. Adopted sibling met ex years later and ex said they knew it was unfair but they need all cash for a house deposite. Genuinely thinking their shit behaviour should be forgiven because they could rationalise a selfish reason for it.
No, they shouldn't be forgiven for deliberate selfish or self interested actions that disadvantage others.

umm no the handbag gets removed from the person and they get it back when the debt is repaid.

confused? you won't be........

well the holiday home owner tells greedy pig that they can have x week only and they have to suck up the loss of the flight (s) cost

hang on.....I need popcorn.....

I do not believe in coddling people out of upset they really should be feeling.

No yanbu.
But people who tolerate such selfish behaviour and indulge it, are morons IMO, and I couldn't be arsed tolerating them either.

but then whats stopping the manager of x event etc unbooking the booking to then have it rebooked by the group ?

at times one poss is they get swept up in the activitiy or thinking of x but then when it goes pickles then its omg

@Barbiepink1 they're the one who is like oh well what's done is done never mind don't be upset.

when its like that then it does take the biscut, do we know why they did it ? eg greed etc

@Barbiepink1 yeah just general selfishness there's no other reason!