To not have patience for people who act selfishly and then try to act remorseful

[godlovesatrierr]

E.g there's a big cake arriving which can all be cut in to slices and shared between a group of friends.
However one person sneakily puts in a pre order to have the whole cake for themselves regardless and this can't be reversed.
When the time comes for this to be revealed to their friends they act upset and remorseful even though they knew exactly in the moment they ordered the cake it would leave the rest of the group without.

I just don't have the patience to be empathetic. So now we all need to pander to you so you feel better about your selfishness?!

Why do people think they can have their cake and eat it?! Pun intended.

Both cake and money can be replaced though.

i think however the holiday allowance would make more sense, like someone booked every Friday off over the summer to avoid paying childcare (previous thread reference!) and then is terribly sympathetic that because only 2 people can be off at once, so some staff can’t find 2 weeks in a row to go away, not acknowledging they caused the problem because now instead of 2 people being able to have a holiday at the same time, only one person can book a full week due to the Friday staffing situation . They could fix the problem by cancelling their leave but they have this agreed with a manager and haven’t booked childcare now.

This thread has given me a headache!!

It’s not that everyone necessarily wants all the nitty gritty OP, though everyone does love a bit of entertainment. It’s that these alternatives to the actual situation never work, it always “so Person A says to person ‘B’ that person ‘C’ didn’t like what person ‘A’ said, but persons D, E, F and G told person ‘C’ that person E doesn’t like person ‘B’ because they work in a different industry to person ‘D’ (here they don’t give the actual industry, they instead say ‘think maths teacher’, when if we just knew the actual situation we could offer something more constructive. Also Glen Campbell sung Macauthur Park a fair amount in his lives shows with Jimmy Webb playing the piano 😀

@thepariscrimefiles some of the group are just like it's done now they're really upset so let's just let it be. Because if we confront them they get more upset . I want them to feel guilty and I want them to know I'm fuming

I am craving a slice of cake now though tbh

Tickets? Could not be ticketing thing? Someone’s booked to see Taylor swift 10 times because they’ve got a contact to help booking. And they are being very sympathetic with fans who’ve not been able to get a single ticket.

not acknowledging people doing what they’ve done has caused others to miss out.

If that is a good description of what happened, the big issue is that restorative justice is going to be hard to put in place.

Mum is enjoying the handbag regardless.
And is playing the victim on top.

Id want to strangle her (metaphorically speaking of. 😂).

@godlovesatrierr in your case, can you return the handbag at all or force tye person to still pay the £1000, even if it means using their savings/taking a loan?

I think that’s a case where being extremely down to earth is what is needed.
And YY about confronting them even if it upset the person. They should have thought about that in the first place!

They are being emotionally manipulative to get their own way.
And clearly its working!

@ComingBackHome 100% agree!

Dear god
This coyness is bloody frustrating
Why bother?

It’s a shitty thing to take all of something which means your friends miss out. I’d be really angry and would want them to know it and put it right if they could. Them getting upset is their own fault.

So, confront the wrongdoer yourself? Be oblivious to them weeping and rending their garments in anguish? Say 'Enough with the drama. There's a very easy way to fix this. Give us all back our rightful inheritance/buy another cake/give us your Taylor Swift tickets. Or I'm going to put on a performance of Grief, Betrayal and Anger that will make Alan Rickman as the Sherriff of Nottingham look understated.'

You don't need anyone else's permission to express your anger at something someone's done to your detriment.

OP I’m hardly of great intelligence and I knew what you meant just from your title, so I think people are being difficult.

A client had a box of donuts delivered to our department once, I was on the phone when they came in. There was enough for 1 each, but Queen Arsehole took 2 because she ‘didn’t have breakfast today’. I went over and the box was empty. ‘Ohh noooo, didn’t you get one??? I’m so sorry I didn’t know you were on the phone I thought you’d already had one! You’re not upset are you? Oh please don’t be mad at me!’ 🙄

Donna Summers version is better 😅

The ones that want to just let it go can stay friends with the selfish manipulator and get treated like crap over again. Anyone who disagrees should confront them and make it clear they will no longer have anything to do with them.
You are all adults right?

She just doesn't sound particularly upset about the tragic cake and its green icing.

I'm on your side here! I hate it when people are so easily manipulated into letting things go. So what if they are upset. They shouldn't have done it.

Has someone purchased a parents or grandparents house at below market value, which would have otherwise been a shared inheritance, so now they're loving their new house but everyone else isn't happy that they will now miss out on the inheritance? (I've seen this exact situation mentioned on here a few times over the years, so doesn't seem too uncommon)

Well surely the pertinent part is that the person has deliberately taken all of something that was meant to be shared. That's an awful thing to do. How they act in the aftermath is neither here nor there unless it results in them putting right the wrong (which you say they cant). So I'm not sure why crying and apologising is any worse than giving you the finger and shouting 'Haha suckers you lose!" You've still got no cake and they've still got it all.

At least you now know she can’t be trusted. So don’t let her get involved in any organising ever again.

Obviously the cake analogy is shit. But it was very clear from the OP what she meant without the cake analogy but everyone decided to pick on the shit analogy rather than engaging with the point of the post.

The point of the post was very clear and anyone who ignores just to pick at the cake analogy is being deliberately contrarion in my opinion.

I think some people just wanted clarity as to whether this person got in to claim or purchase something first, which would have otherwise been shared, or if they have actually stolen from the others. I think the responses may be different depending on which situation.