If you missed your kid's parents' night because you were on a term time holiday, would you expect the teacher to allow another appointment when you return?

[Purpleturtle46]

Just that really. Parents night same week every year and parents informed 2 months in advance.

YABU-yes the teacher should arrange to see you at an alternative time on your return.

YANBU-no, you booked and holiday and missed it so that's on you!

I'm not saying it's great, by it's not a lot of time and how many families are really likely to be on holiday during that week?

If OP had said she was unable to then that's different, but it reads like she could but didn't want to. A good working relationship between school and parents will make Ops work and the child's education easier in the long run and if it's ten minutes I'd be squeezing it in if possible.

You have just told a victim of DV that she is ignorant about DV

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Our letters always say 'if you can't make parents eve, please make another appointment'.

I think good teachers and good parents both want good relationships as that makes it easier all round.

You can have experience of something and remain ignorant of the range of experiences other people have.

I thought this comment Besides, if the abuse was that bad that the parent is not safe in a room with them and another adult, then I'm certainly not going to put myself in a position where I'm alone in a room with them was very ignorant.

Woah! As if you don't have a tough enough work load as it is. No, no, and no. If a parent chooses to book a holiday when there is already a school event in the calendar, then they've chosen to miss the event. It's absolutely not up to the school to sort that out. Also, separated parents. I am hugely sympathetic to people in these circs - it's not easy - but they have children together, and need to work out how they can communicate politely about their child's welfare and progress. Again, not the school's problem. Sorry you are delaing with this.

The holiday thing does take the piss a bit. I wouldnt expect teachers to re-arrange something like that when I have deliberately chosen to be away.

With the two appointments, thats difficult. School have been aware of "issues" between my ex and I but there is nothing official to say ex has been emotionally abusing me for years and being anywhere near him scares the shit out of me. Regardless I have on 2-3 times forced myself to sit with him for ten minutes and its been hard. Since Covid everything is online and I have always sent him a link but he has never turned up. Even that scares me though, the thought of seeing his face pop up. School (s) have been aware of court proceedings and things he has done that has impacted DD attendance etc but would still send invites to me and not seperate one to him and then I would send him a link.

Its really hard though and teachers dont have a lot of spare time.

The person who wrote this stated they are also a victim of DV, why are they ignorant for stating they would not wish to put themselves in an unsafe position?

Hmm, are you a reporter for the telegraph? It's hard to convey just how intense teaching is to anyone who hasn't done it. For what it's worth- the holidays aren't real holidays- teachers work through most of them. Reports, planning, accommating SEN needs, IEPs, displays, resourcing classrooms, everything. The only holiday you get is 4 weeks over the summer where it takes at least a week to recover from the sheer exhaustion and the last week when you have to prepare for the new class. It's a never ending slog and not a job for the faint hearted. I managed to do it for 10 years- now I'm out I don't miss the 'holidays' one bit.

Your post is an insight into one of the many reasons why children get 'trapped in poverty', low income parents are making the choice to prioritise a holiday over their child's attending school, which is likely to lead to poorer achievement and more limited life opportunities. My daughters school has a very mixed demographic, and the vast majority of longer absences are families on pupil premium taking termtime holidays. Ofsted has previously torn apart our school over this, saying the reduced attendance of children on PP is widening the attainment gap between lower and higher income children. Fortunately the most recent inspector acknowledged that this was not the schools fault, and they were doing everything possible, including offering extra tuition in the school holidays to help those who had missed school to catch up, and before and after school sessions. Unfortunately only 15 out of 59 eligible children took up the offer, which was really sad. But also a testament to the dedication of the teachers, who were doing this unpaid, purely out of a desire to close the attainment gap. So I really don't think we can say teachers aren't doing enough, it's more that parents need to make positive choices around their child's education.

If you were away because of a funeral, or to visit an elderly relative who was ill and could not travel, then I think you should.

Otherwise not.

Sorry to the OP to have to put up with such unreasonable requests. Teachers have enough to deal with.

If the parent can come in straight after school for 10 minutes then I think that's ok, but not if they are demanding eg. 6.30 pm on Friday night or whatever.
Any alternative appointment should be at your convenience, not theirs, and a phone call (at your convenience) should suffice too.
I suspect though that they'll be wanting some time to suit them rather than making the effort to meet you at a time to suit you. Also they could have sent a grandparent to the original parents' meeting if they were that bothered. I've had that happen before.

If they choose to go on term-time holiday when it's parents' night then that's their problem. Same as if they choose to go on holiday when they know their children's class puts on a show that week every year and they miss it. They can't then demand the show is put on again 3 weeks later for them.

I think "if you can't make parents' evening please make another appointment" should apply to illness, family emergency and unavoidable work commitments, not to taking your child out of school for a cheaper holiday.

My school certainly doesn't flag up an invitation to make another appointment if they can't make the main one. That way lies madness. The flood gates would open and we'd be inundated.

Right. I never said that at all. My post was the second or third on the thread saying it's something I don't mind. What others do isn't my business; I was sharing my experience that for me it's not an issue. A couple of others have said the same. I understand for others it's a line they don't want to cross.

I'm a teacher and it infuriates me when parents expect this. You had your 10 mins. I sat in the room for the 10 mins of your appointment, you just weren't there.
It is especially annoying when the child of perfectly happy and where they should be and the parents still try to force it despite being able to sum it all up with we don't have any worries and neither do you.
If however, there as something that I had wanted to talk about them I would rearrange.

Only if fully clothed. Parents who think they can come to an online consultation wearing their swimming stuff and reclining on a lounger with a long cool drink in their hands can think again.

Have just remembered a very entitled parent whose class teacher came to me in confusion. Parent had removed child from school to send him abroad ( send being the operative word, she was sending the poor child to relatives he had never met) to be educated, we had eventually agreed that she could take all exercise books to send with him in lieu of a current report as it was well before report writing time.

Parent then turned up at the gate some months later at the end of year and demanded both a parents evening slot, and a report! Couldn’t understand that a) the child was no longer on our roll, b) the teacher had no current information about the child and c) his place had been taken by another child whose parents would be getting the slot. She then offered to give the teacher the exercise books that she had demanded so that the teacher could write a report based on the work in them! Apparently she had forgotten to pack them.

No, happened to me on 2 separate occasions (diff child each time). I didn't expect anything in its place as I couldn't make it however, I was offered a telephone call. If I had anything specific to discuss I would probably ask for a phone call or a meeting when suitable for the teacher, but wouldn't expect them to accommodate.

No I wouldn't even have the cheek to ask!

I have asked for an alternative appointment before because I work shifts and couldn't attend either of the dates. The teacher was happy to accomodate and we had a phone conversation at a mutually agreeable time a few weeks later.

If I were a teacher, I would treat the request like any other request from a parent to discuss their child. But I would expect the parents to meet or discuss their child at a time convenient to me, which i would think would most likely be straight after the school day ended. I certainly wouldn't entertain an in person meeting in the evening.

No I would not as you say you were aware of dates and booked a holiday. If you were unwell or some emergency for example, and I mean genuinely not able to, I would like to think the teacher would be accomodating but otherwise respect that they have got their own lives and other things to be managing and their life does not revolve around me!

Um, hang on a minute. There may be hundreds of reasons why those children couldn't make the sessions, and I also think it's ridiculous to assume that schools are suffering because of Pupil Premium children going on holiday. It's not a hugely common thing here, but it happens and on the whole the school is understanding. Travelling is good for people. A week a year is authorised by our headmaster.

I am not privy to all the stats of my kids school, the staff there don't provide breakdown stats about the terrible PP parents so we can judge them on the internet fortunately, but wherever you are that 59 kids needed catch up lessons for attendance levels that low (solely from all the skint kids being on holiday), that's crazy and I'm not surprised Ofsted were investigating.

I think you need to phrase it as I cannot be in the same room as my ex. Changing it from want to cannot creates a very different vibe to me and changes how I would view it.

Since you work shifts and were unable to attend your request should be accommodated. There's a world of difference between your situation and someone choosing to take a term time holiday.

Exactly this!