If you missed your kid's parents' night because you were on a term time holiday, would you expect the teacher to allow another appointment when you return?

[Purpleturtle46]

Just that really. Parents night same week every year and parents informed 2 months in advance.

YABU-yes the teacher should arrange to see you at an alternative time on your return.

YANBU-no, you booked and holiday and missed it so that's on you!

I wouldn’t expect to arrange another ‘parents evening’, no but (as a teacher) I don’t expect to only speak to parents once a year. If they’ve got something that’s worrying them (or if I have a concern - or specific praise - for their child) then I’m happy to speak by phone or meet a different time.

Usually the time of day we are free to go is 3.30pm and after that we cannot be directed (told what to do or where to be). However we do have to get the job done. Extra appointments can't be directed unless the HT includes them in their directed time budget. So if the HT forces them to happen, they should happen in directed time. However for the odd request, most teachers will accommodate an appointment after 3.30pm on a different night.

This doesn't mean we stop working at 3.30pm. We just don't have to be in the building.

@Purpleturtle46 that wasn't my first post on this thread you actually already replied to my thoughts on the question… and I'm not bashing a profession ffs 😂 I very much like my children’s teachers I just hope they don’t think like you in private!

If the teachers have to put up with the level of entitlement that is seen on MN from some parents then I don’t blame them to be honest

My sister is a teacher and the shit she has put up with from both students and parents is unbelievable. She has the patience of a saint. I know I would be sacked by now if I was a teacher and people spoke to me the way my sister has been spoken to

I’ve only read op posts so just wanted to add my support to op. Teachers work so hard for our children so the least we can do it make ourselves available for a 10 min slot at parents evening. We do it for our child and to support the teachers and the school. If you can’t make it cos holiday is a priority then that’s your loss… and you need to reassess your priority!

In fairness to the teacher, it isn't their work. Parents chose not to take the given appointment.

There would be hell on in DCs school if 1 child was allowed 2 slots per teacher for their parents, you've got to fight for slots as it is

Yes, and to a poster who took the time to explain that having to disclose the past abuse would be triggering

(And by triggering I don't mean slightly upsetting, I mean leaves me PTSD shutdown for hours)

"Thankfully one I've never had to face as dc's teachers have all been professional and competent at their jobs."

Yeah, well, talking about nasty posts... That was below-the-belt bitchy.

Parents are going to be finding more and more that, going forward, teachers are asserting boundaries. However, the decision as to whether a parent can have an appointment outwith the advertised evening should not be up to any individual teacher anyway but the Senior Leadership Team. So, nothing to do with "our" professionalism and competence.

Anyway, the goady teacher-bashers have arrived in force so I'm out. Not dealing with this shit at this time of night as well as the stuff we, as a school, are fielding from some parents every day.

Again. This rhetoric that teachers who don't bend over backwards for everyone are somehow jobsworths and bad at their jobs. I can't abide it.

If you want to go on holiday and miss parents evening then own it. Contact the teacher, apologise, arrange a further meeting that's the same length as everyone else got and stick to timings.

A classy and sensitive post given that the disclosed reason for needing two slots was DV

Rofl. Not sure why the size of town you live in would make a difference to your professionalism. (I'm in the capital city, fwiw).

@Serendipitousnight at 3:30 my time is my own. I am very accommodating and give plenty of my free time and would generally always see a parent afterschool/ before school/ ring at lunchtime etc I chase parents who missed parents evening appointments etc I rarely leave before 5 occasionally I do because I also have my own family to balance.

However it’s the way you are demanding teachers time and insisting it’s during their working hours that is annoying them. I tried to explain politely but your entitlement that people give up their time is unreasonable. Luckily I have rarely come across that level of entitlement in parents I do go out of my way for.

@SweetSakura I mean this with good intent but if you are suffering to the extent you describe, then wouldn't it be in your child's interests that the Head Teacher and other relevant professionals at the school are aware so that they can offer support if necessary?

For instances like that, discretion could be used to meet with one parent on a different day separately. As it stands, it could mean the same children's parents are missing out on every parents evening because both parents get to take up slots. Common sense could be used by the schools in those cases.

Again. This rhetoric that teachers who don't bend over backwards for everyone are somehow jobsworths and bad at their jobs. I can't abide it

ten minute catch up vs bend over backwards.

even if it’s 4 kids. 40 minutes over a week…..

I'm not suffering. Provided I don't have to talk about it or have contact with my exH.
Those are the triggers.

I missed dds last parents evening due to a last minute dash back to my home country as my dm had been rushed into hospital.

I wouldn't have dreamed of asking for appointments with her teachers when I got back - I emailed her head of year asking if there were any concerns from any of her teachers and to let me know if there were. He messaged her teachers for me and I had emails from a couple.

To catch up time that you chose not to attend....

My exact words were:

You don’t have to disclose it to the teacher.
But you also can’t expect a teacher to give up their free time just because you don’t want to go to parents evening and don’t give a reason why.
What do you do when your child needs a doctors appointment?

Whats nasty about that.
Its true.

You don’t have to disclose anything you’re not comfortable with nor do you need to attend a parents evening if you’re not comfortable being there.

And why is a doctors appointment a different situation?

Surely if you are unable to attend a parents evening with the other parent, then you’d also be unable to attend a doctors appointment with the other parent?
So you would need 2 right?

Why is an appointment discussing education, more important than an appointment discussing a child’s medical issue?

Do you not think that doctors should also have to work extra hours or ring patients on their breaks/at home and spend less time with their own families, to accommodate someone because they didn’t turn up for their appointment or wants 2 separate appointments for each parent?

Or is it just teachers that you think should do this?

So being professional and good at their jobs means giving up their time freely?

No, it simply means meeting the requirements of the role they're paid for.

um, so taxing. Chatting to a yr 6 parent for 10 mins. So many facts and figures and evidence to give

Your parents evenings don’t sound very good tbh. The ‘10 min chat’ at ours, it’s very clear the teacher has spent a good hour preparing what they want to say for that 10mins. It includes all their test scores, details of any specific issues e.g. mini Edwin mis-read the instructions and did x instead of y. It’s definitely not a cosy chit chat that a teacher can fit it wherever suits the parent.

at 3:30 my time is my own

so if this is the case for teachers then making ten minutes once per year shouldn’t be an issue, should it? It’s hardly crazy oppressive to work 10 minutes more a few times a year

Based on the number of slots provided it is clear my children's school have the intelligence to anticipate needing some separate appointments.
They also make it clear they will accommodate appointments outside the main parents evening for those who can't make it. I imagine as they know a lot of the parents at school are doctors/nurses /similar who work shifts

You were offered parents evening. You chose to take a holiday. My side of the deal has been fulfilled.