To think having children isn’t an accomplishment?

[RealGreyLemur]

It feels like society places so much emphasis on having kids as if it’s some grand achievement, but I don’t see it that way. AIBU to think that having kids shouldn’t be treated as an accomplishment in itself?

Yanbu I got pregnant with my first at 15 spent half my pregnancy off my head and my daughter spent some time in care. Iv turned my life round now and have 2 happy healthy kids but getting pregnant and giving birth at 15 wasn't an achievement it was stupid and selfish

Raising my wonderful children has absolutely been my biggest accomplishment. By a very very long way! That's not to say I haven't accomplished other things, or that other people are in some way not as noteworthy because they haven't raised kids. Of course not.

Raising children is a very unique experience and it isn't really comparable to things like getting a PhD or running a marathon or overcoming hardship. It's qualifiably different and there is no point comparing.

I think parenthood should be celebrated, but that doesn't mean non-parents have to feel bad. Our lives are all different. Parents are amazing, raising children is amazing, but non parents are equally wonderful humans

It’s definitely one of the hardest things I’ve done. Compared to long distance running, being promoted to management in my career, various academic achievements and publications etc. It’s the thing I would say I’ve struggled to get right the most, and the thing that has the most potential to have really bad consequences if you get it wrong, and the thing that’s left me most exhausted and burnt out. So it feels like an achievement to me, but I understand why it isn’t valued by wider society.

What OP is getting at, most likely poorly worded, is that society believes that having kids is the greatest accomplishment there is

Do you think that’s true? I think people who are “just” a Mum are generally looked down on by society. L

100% x

Being able to have a fulfilling life full of happiness and joy without getting bogged down by societal pressures, a aociety constructed to deal with the number of people on this planet.

I run a company and do triathlons. Raising children is by far the hardest thing I do.

Do you think that’s because the achievements kind of belong in different spheres? Having a kid is a family thing: it’s literally adding to the family. So the family are going to recognise and celebrate that. Completing a PhD is an academic achievement so academics/ colleagues/ people in your field are going to recognise and celebrate that? But your family probably don’t really get it. In the same way that if you have a baby, your colleagues at the university will perhaps be vaguely happy for you, but not hugely interested or invested?

Like my friend’s Dad who’s in the Royal Society. His wife is more likely to celebrate him remembering to take the bins out.

I think it absolutely is an accomplishment. Pregnancy itself can be a real kick in the arse. Labour and birth were the hardest experiences I’ve experienced, physically and emotionally. Raising children, like others have said, is a 24/7 job. And then you get sneering snobs on here and in real life who look at it like it’s nothing. I’m a SAHP and have seen really nasty comments on here about people who don’t have a job outside of the home.

As someone who can’t get pregnant, I think having children is a huge accomplishment.

People who do it multiple times have my huge admiration.

Raising them well is a whole other achievement

Of course having children is an accomplishment. It's one of the hardest yet wonderful things lots of people will do. Getting pregnant, being pregnant for 9 months, giving birth and recovery are so hard on your body and should be something to celebrate. Then bringing up your kids and having responsibility for them, the lack of sleep, tantrums, making decisions, trying to be a good parent are all so hard. And then getting to see them develop and grow up, experiencing love like you've never had before are so amazing. It's definitely an achievement and is my biggest achievement in life. I have other achievements like getting my masters degree, building my career and getting big promotions but for me personally they don't compare to the achievement of having my kids. That doesn't take away from others achievements though, of someone else sees their biggest achievement as something different then that's just as valid and should be celebrated, and having kids should be celebrated too.

They have never just been a mum though have they. They had or still have a career, friends hobbies and interests. Their whole life hasn't been just being a mum. It's a period of time in a person life they are that. Just like people who studied and their greatest achievement is the degree they do its not a forever thing.

The problem is society who does feel that having kids is the best thing you can do, the comments that you never know a love until you have had kids, or you never know what happiness is until you have had kids. I dont believe that at all.

It depends. If you’ve been trying to have a baby for ten years with the heartbreak of countless rounds of unsuccessful IVF then, yes, having a baby is a real accomplishment!

@daliesque luckily your Mum popped out a few kids, or those people might not have been saved.

Giving birth is definitely a fucking achievement

Yeah, I saw a comedian make a joke about having children not being an achievement - its just having sex without protection. That's only true for 50% of the population. There was a lot more involved for me. So I am actually quietly quite pleased with myself for growing an entire human and then going through a 3 day labour without murdering anyone. However, I do agree raising them is the most important and hardest bit.

Huge accomplishment for a woman's body.
After I gave birth for the first time I had a new found confidence; that I could achieve anything as nothing could possibly be harder than what I'd just done.

Also being a good mum, it's a tough gig and a huge accomplishment if done well. Having happy, healthy children is surely a sign that you've done/you're doing a great job at something very hard.

I think it is an extraordinarily miraculous accomplishment actually. I’ve done it three times and each time I am struck by the magic of it. That our bodies can do this, our female bodies can create and hold new life and safely bring it into the world. And we don’t have a clue how we’re doing it, nature just takes over. It’s awesome really.

Each time a woman gives birth she has done something incredible. That’s an accomplishment to me. Without us doing this, humanity would end. So in very simple terms, giving birth is the most important accomplishment and is really the aim of life, to propagate our species.

It's really not quite that simple and you have seriously missed the point of my post if that was your take home message.

Yes, isn't that sad?

Hear, hear.

well I set out to get married and reproduce and then I managed to get pregnant twice now I have two lovely children. For me, this is an accomplishment. Not my only one…but my most important and best. I don’t need anyone else to agree though!

I was thinking initially along the "having them isn't, raising them is" line a lot of posters have taken but actually, I think you're right.

Ha, people who know me would not force any recognition on me for anything as I'd not accept it! If you are congratulating me for something then you obviously think it's a surprise I could do it.

But yes ok to ne internally pleased with yourself about anything !

But some people have very low bars about what is an achievement in my opinion - but then I have a very high bar for myself.

Do you have kids @RealGreyLemur ?

I get what you’re saying. I probably would have thought similar before I had a baby. There’s things I’ve done in my career that, not wanting to toot my own horn, but people would say are ‘achievements’. I’ve completed physical tests that only a minute fraction of women have done. I have saved lives multiple times. But nothing makes me prouder than looking at my baby son and I say to him all the time that he is my greatest achievement. Perhaps I’ll think differently in 14 years when he gets caught smoking at school or something.