My son 2 can be cheeky and I think nursery are overreacting

[sluoa]

The last few weeks I've had some reports about the unfavourable behaviour of my son. He's 2 and a half.

Things like, not listening well and also some struggling to share.

I see it at home too. He snatches toys from his older sister, tantrums when he doesn't get his way and is generally pretty active and head strong.

I've never thought or considered that he's neurodivergent and when being told today he had a not so great day and when I said - I know, yesterday he was very cheeky at home. I do set boundaries and consequences with him etc. but he laughs in my face/ sticks his tongue out and that's what he did today at nursery.

His behaviour isn't amazing but I have an older child and her worst age was also 2 and a half. She did similar stuff and just kind of grew out of it. The nursery at the time also made some comments similar to the comments made today. They're leaving it up to me if I want to get them to investigate.

My son is very clever, he speaks really well, he potty trained before two years old and he's just generally switched on for his age. He's very active and physically able. The issue I'm seeing is his defiant behaviour. But I just thought it's age related. My daughter was very very similar. The only difference is that he's an escape artist and she wasn't. He gets out of his car seat, he can lock and unlock doors.

I'm not saying the nursery are wrong and I know better, but similarly I don't really want him on this SENCO track until he's older, if he still struggles.

At the moment he has days where he is well behaved and days where he's not so well behaved.

Should I just start this process or am I right to wait ?

It sounds like none of the children in the nursery are behaving according to their standards.

It doesn't sound like a very positive place for young children IMO.

Sounds absolutely normal behaviour. Expectations these days are ridiculous. When they get to school, too much trying to fit square pegs in round holes. Children develop in fits and starts, not straight lines.

This is absurd. People need to stop demonising 2 year old boys because they've had negative experiences with adult men.
A little boy poking his tongue out and running off doesn't make him a little misogynist!

Absolutely. Crikey if i had to speak to parents every time a child aged 2 was a little naughty i would have gone hoarse.

It’s not unusual for a two-year-old to find it hard to share and I see your point about waiting for while to see how things go, before going down the SEND route. But if he’s not ND he is just badly behaved. He is old enough to learn that some things, like sticking his tongue out at people, are just not allowed.

He's 2!

And? If he kept stripping the wallpaper off because it’s fun, or throwing food he didn’t want at his mother, would you say "He's 2!"? Children need to know what behaviour is acceptable, and their parents should be the ones teaching them. I’m not advocating beating him!

@Turnups sticking your tongue his out isn't the end of the world. Children explore boundaries. That doesn't make them ND or "naughty", it makes them developmentally normal.

Of course. I agree with all that. And the boundary should be that he must not repeatedly do it after being told many times that he mustn’t.

@Turnups but the problem is two year olds don't care. They just don't. You can tell them no a million and one times, they'll do it. Doesn't mean they'll grow up to be horrid people.

Of course it doesn’t mean that. But are you really saying that if your two-year-old repeatedly stripped off the wallpaper or threw food at you, you wouldn't be able to stop him so would just put up with it?

@Turnups where has stripping the wallpaper been mentioned?😂

By me, in my original response to you.

@Turnups but why? That's totally irrelevant to what's happening to OP.

I think ripping the wallpaper off is easier to manage in a way; you can remove the child from that situation. Sticking tongue out is harder. My own DS doesn’t do that but he has started to blow raspberries when told not to do something or shouts NO mummy if told off.

I know if I’d done that I’d probably have been smacked to be honest, and obviously I’m not going down that road. But this age can be challenging. It doesn’t mean we ignore the behaviour but honestly, yeah, there’s times it falls under the ‘not much you can do about it’ category.

He's bloody two! He doesn't even really understand being told off at his age, he sticks his tongue out because its funny, it's a game to him.

I have 4 kids. Two have mild SEN. Your son doesn't sound like there's anything wrong with him besides being two years old. Which is more detrimental to you than him 😂 Toddlers can systematically destroy your every nerve in record time.

It was an example of something that a 'normal' two-year-old might find fun but which you wouldn't tolerate them repeatedly doing. I would put repeatedly sticking their tongue out at people in a similar category.

@Turnups no, it's not.

A two year old being cheeky isn't naughty. It's really not the end of the world. They'll grow out of it.

Yes, it’s not the end of the world and yes they’ll grow out of it when they realise it’s not acceptable. The sooner the better. If great-granny said to your DC "Come over here dear and talk to me" and DC stuck their tongue out at her and then ignored her, you might think it was funny and not feel mortified but I would feel mortified and wouldn't encourage DC to think it was funny.

@Turnups I'd laugh, and I know all my family would.

Well, that’s exactly why your DC would think it was funny and clever and keep doing it, and take much longer to grow out of it!

Where has OP said her son is doing it repeatedly?

"… he laughs in my face/ sticks his tongue out and that's what he did today at nursery."

Well, that might be once a day, once a week or more or less often. He's doing it in response to boundaries being set and consequences being given.
OP acknowledges he needs to learn not to do it.
He's 2. Do you really think it's a sign he's ND?

No. I never said I did.