To stop my ex seeing our dog due to the state he returned in

[QuickScroller]

I ended my 16-year relationship in June, and we now share custody of our dog, typically on a 3-4 day rotation.

This morning, a mutual friend told me that my ex left our dog alone overnight last night to go on a date, staying out from 7pm last night until 10:30am today. This friend shared this out of concern but asked me to keep it confidential and swore me to secrecy. Later that day, I got a text from my ex saying our dog had matted fur around his bum and asked if I could help fix it. When I got him back tonight, he was absolutely covered in his own faeces, which broke my heart. He also smelt terribly due to this. The idea that he was left alone for so long, without any company or bathroom breaks, really upsets me. I can’t believe he’s been left in this state.

This is completely out of character for my ex, who used to be so careful and attentive with him. In the three years we’ve had him, we’ve never left him alone for more than three hours. She wouldn’t even agree to having a dog walker; he goes to doggy daycare if we are ever out of the house for more than 3 hours.

I’m really torn about what to do next. I’m afraid for the next time he goes back, but my ex won’t give him up. Do I have any rights to keep him? Any advice would be appreciated.

Depending on the type of coat a dog has and what has been mashed into it, you absolutely can get some pretty deep matting in a matter of hours, never mind days!

My saluki can glue the frilly ear fur she has (it is pretty long) into thick hard dreadlocks in just one meal if she hasn't had her Party Hat on, or if she's been allowed to eat a messy chew without it on!

I can't believe you are even asking. Hell would freeze over before I'd return a dog to anyone that left it alone overnight, it's beyond cruel. Dogs need human company when they're used to it. And it's horribly upsetting to move between two homes.

How does your friend know this as fact, was your ex with them

I would tell her you took dog to vet for a once over as you were so worried and vet told you it was neglect and they would have a duty to report it if the dog is left in your ex’s care again - then refuse to hand the dog over.

It is neglect and a dog doesn’t get covered in shit and matted fur in only one night - she’s locked the poor creature up for the weekend and buggered off.

This sounds like more than leaving the dog overnight, which is bad enough. It also sounds like it must have been somewhere it had to do the toilet and sit in it like a crate. How does the person who told you know about this?
I would just hold onto the dog. The onus would be on your ex to prove joint ownership and no police or court is going to be interested in intervening.

OP of course you should take this further but please don't bring an uninvolved professional into it without their knowledge.

If she's going to (secretly) leave him to get into that state and then need your help to fix the mess she made shows she isn't capable of looking after him on her own.

By her own admission of him crying he's not happy with her.

Keep the dog. If she wants to fight for him she'll have to take you to small claims court. You're the registered keeper, you've shared costs. And although you didn't take photos of his condition, you have the proof of it by your text conversation. So if she did go down that route, I don't think the outcome would be any different.

If this was a child social services would be involved. Tell him he doesn't have the dog anymore and you have involved the RSPCA.

My grand dog is long haired and was due for a cut, she ate something she shouldn't in my care and ended up in a similar state. I immediately contacted my daughter to pick her up and sort it as the dog wasn't used to me pulling her about and cutting things off. So it can happen over one night. I also agree if her caring has been dropping and the dog is distressed she should be allowed to have him as often especially overnight.

"Shouldn't"

@QuickScroller

First off, start paying all costs yourself. If you think there may be a legal 'issue' down the line you want to show that you are covering all costs and providing all care.

Animals (as others have said) are 'property'. So in a divorce they're regarded the same as a sofa or a painting. It doesn't really even matter who paid for it if it was acquired during the marriage. It's 'joint' property. And you don't award 'custody' or 'access rights' for property.

My son is going through a divorce and his lawyer told him that there have been cases where, when a couple cannot agree on who gets the dog, the judge orders the dog sold and proceeds divided, just like any other marital 'property'. Possibly a 'Solomon-like' decision hoping it'll spur the couple on to an agreement but it has happened. DS is hoping that the judge sees that STBXDiL is not capable of caring for the dog adequately and that he orders that DS gets the dog since he is more than willing to pay the STBX for her. Time will tell.

Well you aren’t supposed to know about the overnight but it’s totally not ok for a dog to cover covered in his own poo. Did you ask how it happened and why they didn’t immediately bath the dog.

He clearly does not care about the dog. His life has moved on with dating etc and he no longer has the time to care for it. His priorities have changed. Explain you are not letting this continue, so no more joint custody. He will probably be relieved. Whats he going to do, dog nap the dog?